Oh where do I start...A lot has been going on in my life recently. I am having a lot of pressure from college studies. I started once again refraining from all kind of masturbation and I had a wall made in my computer so watching porn is impossible (hurray) although I don't feel the need to watch. I don't know when it started but suddenly from nowhere I really felt uneased by the fact my girlfriend isn't virgin. Her jealousy lately has really been tiring me up and a little voice in my head tells me I don't deserve that. I don't deserve to explain where I was, who I was with everytime I see her and this is something that had started recently. I've wanted to tell her that so many times that having to come to terms with the fact she had slept with someone else (before she met me) showed that it wasn't me I've read some forums trying to get past this but it just made it worse. Husbands mourning the fact their wives weren't virgins, wives who were scared of the amount of partners their husbands had. Rather than showing "Love beats all" to me they felt like horror stories. Mostly, a phrase said from a wife who had multiple partners apart from her husband. "Even though I love my husband" and that's where hell begins. Love wasn't enought for her. She did things she wouldn't do with her husband and although she loved him, he wasn't "as good" for her than someone from the past. And this (Put bad word) stories won't leave my mind. So right now I'm really confused. I love my girlfriend and I want her to be happy just as happy as I want every human being I meet. But thinking with my head clear, I believe I never got past the fact she wasn't virgin. Saying that I masturbated in order to avoid having sex with her it's half the truth. I deluded myself. Virginity for me is so much more than just the first sexual encounter!. It brings such peace. To discover that with someone you love at the same time with them seems to be the most magical moment. Yet, I know that it more fleshy than anything. As well, intelectually, if it is allowed to write this here, I don't really feel like touching her "there". It's not mine anymore. The "Don't do anything you wouldn't want your wife to do" phrase I was raised with makes me think that the woman I'll marry one day is out there and kissing is as far as she has gone. So I'm really considering to end my relationship with her. What's the point in dating if I already know that I would never, ever, make her my wife? And given that case, have sex with her? I want to look for someone who is virgin and chaste but given the age I am (20) and the current times we live in I feel it's a lost cause.