Ready to fix this (ED, PIED)

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by washington07, Mar 30, 2019.

  1. washington07

    washington07 New Fapstronaut

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    I am a 29 year old man who's been dealing with ED and PIED intermittently for about 6 years now. I am ready to solve this problem because its ruining my social/love life. I want to tell my whole story and get some feedback about how screwed I am and some advice.

    Around the age of 13-14 I started masturbating. First it was just my imagination (thinking of hot girls I'd seen that day) then moved on to online naked women pics, then finally videos. But pretty soon I became addicted to rough blowjob videos and that was all I'd watch. Fast forward 16 years and basically the same thing. At times I'd masturbate every day, other times 3-4 times a week, etc.

    Now about my relationships and when I first experienced ED. When I was 16 I was dating a girl, who I was with until I was 23. Her looks were average. I lost my virginity to her, and I never once had any ED symptoms with her (she always told me I was the best in bed, perfect size, etc and I believed it lol, I think that helped). Next girlfriend (who I later married then divorced) a year later, I always believed she was out of my league looks-wise. The first 2 times we had sex I had trouble getting/keeping an erection but she was cool about it and then the problem went away (I consider that normal). She said that I didn't really "know how to move" but she taught me what she liked and then she was happy. Some rumors started that she was cheating on me and that bothered me (we talked about it, she "proved it wasn't true" but I still always had my doubts because she was always extremely sneaky and private) and I had trouble getting an erection next time we had sex. She made a huge deal and left, I really felt horrible and embarrassed. This was my first true ED experience and it was humiliating (6 years ago). After that, I felt traumatized and started becoming obsessed with worrying about my erection. Every single time we'd try to have sex I'd be thinking about my erection and loose it. That caused some issues between us, so I got some (blue pill) and it worked, and throughout the next 4 years of our relationship my ED would be on and off. Towards the end of our relationship I was taking (blue pill) almost every time we'd have sex (she never knew, I just took it when I assumed we'd have sex). Every once and a while even with the (blue pill) i'd still have issues.

    After our relationship ended, I made friends with a girl (she was 22, I was 27), and pretty soon it turned sexual. I really liked her, and wanted a relationship with her, but she was just looking for sex. The first time we made out and had sex (i took a (blue pill)), i was rock hard and confident. I felt great about myself. Then, she got on top and a minute later jumped off and went into the bathroom. She was in there for 15 minutes, so I got dressed and when she came out I said what's wrong? She said "I'm sorry, I'm just not used to your body, I'm used to dating muscular guys but I can get used to you don't worry". Needless to say that comment killed me. Throughout the next month we tried to have sex on 6-7 different occasions (with (blue pill) every time) and no erection. With her, I felt that sex was more of a chore then me wanting it after her comment.

    After this failure, I got back with my ex-wife who I was with previously (the one who I thought cheated on me, honestly because I believed that she was the only woman who I could successfully have sex with). That lasted about a year and a half. During this time, half the time we'd have sex and the other half I'd just ask for a BJ, which hurt my sex drive even more. I got used to and preferred BJ over sex.

    I was single for about 7 months, at first I'd watch porn and masturbate multiple times per day (I was going through depression). Then I read about nofap, and tried it. The longest I went was 5-6 weeks, but I lost my morning wood and stopped thinking about sex altogether. I got scared of this and started masturbating again. First with no porn, but then I started with the porn again.

    A few months ago, I met my current girlfriend, who is also very attractive to me but she doesn't think she is. She is in love with me and always tells me how lucky she is to have me etc. That I am sexy, handsome, great guy, what she's always looked for, stuff like that. Really boosts my confidence. I put off having sex for a while because I was scared. The first time, I was hard at first but lost it, and got very embarrassed. She told me not to worry or feel bad and that everything was fine. We fooled around a little longer and my erection came and went. Next time was better. I made her orgasm 3 times. At one point I lost my erection (towards the beginning) but we fooled around and it came back and I was fine. I wasn't able to concentrate enough to cum and I think that bothered her. I had to leave the next day for work for a month. (both times were with (blue pill))

    I am going to be back in two weeks. The last time I watched porn was 4 days before we had sex the first time. I haven't watched any porn since then. As far as masturbating, at first I wasn't at all, but I noticed no morning wood. So, I started masturbating just using my imagination of us having vaginal intercourse (no pictures, just close my eyes and imagine). At first I couldn't even get hard doing that. Now I get hard and cum so I think it helped. I do it every 2-3 days. And I have morning wood, and when I talk to her on the phone (not even about sex) I'll get hard as a rock.

    So I have about 2-3 weeks to work on this. She's told me she understands and will be patient but I need to fix this issue, it's been going on too long. I need to be confident that when I want to have sex that I will be able to. And I don't want to keep taking (blue pill). I already know to stop watching porn and stop thinking about BJs, which I've been good about. But is it hurting me to masturbate and train my brain to enjoy vaginal again? My plan before writing here is to keep doing what Im doing and see what happens. I am just afraid that I will be anxious about keeping an erection and that will cause me to loose it. Thank you in advance for your opinions and for reading this!
     

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