This is a taboo topic. We are men! We dont get sexually abused by women, and if we do, we just got ‘lucky’ right? Fucking wrong! (“Wow that Christian guy sure swears a lot.”) My first sexual experience was somewhere between the age of 5 and 8 years old. My older sister molested me. Even my naive little self knew that I could never tell ANYBODY. I was a stupid little boy, the whole things was intriguing, I was getting erections, and my sister liked to “play with them.” It felt good, but I still knew in my little heart that something was very wrong. My sister led me down that path. She told me it was okay as long as mom and dad never knew. Never thought much about it, until I was married and realized that I found sexual expression boring AF when it was “allowed.” I liked sex more when it wasn’t allowed. When it was bad, or rebellious, needed to be hidden or involved someone I wasn’t super committed to. I liked sex the most when I was taking for myself. I grew up watching porn in the late hours of the night when everyone else was asleep. As soon as I was free from the constant watch of my parents (graduating HS) I became sexually promiscuous and had multiple partners a year. Then I realized, while being married to the most beautiful woman alive, that sex that was allowed was unexciting. I wasn’t breaking any rules. For a long time I have pondered this and wondered why... Then after watching “The Heart of Man” and realizing I was abused by my sister (for the first time in my life, I finally made the connection), and a lot of thought and prayer and hurt, I realized...My very first sexual experience, being molested, was in a context of venturing into the forbidden. No wonder i learned from a young age to lie, and to cover up, and to find thrill and excitement in the shadows. No wonder I didnt know how to be honest with myself or my wife. No wonder I became such a fucked up mess of a man. I never told a soul until I told my wife. She and my therapist are the only people I have ever confessed this to. So if you are a man, who was abused, dont feel ashamed, and know that you are not alone. Sexual abuse happens to men often. I am often considered to be a macho dude, or “Alpha Male” but here I am, on an anonymous message board sharing with my fellow men how even I was sexually abused by someone I should have been able to trust. Don’t be ashamed. Know that you aren’t alone, and there is hope you yet.