Reaching out for support?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by MethodMadness, Jul 7, 2019.

  1. MethodMadness

    MethodMadness New Fapstronaut

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    I've been in chats with people for a while now. I've decided that this is the best place to be as I know you'll understand more than my current circle.

    For years now my husband has had a porn addiction. For years I've been asking him to stop, then telling him to do so and he always bring out the same old lines. I want to change, I love you, I'll work at it, and for years, no change.

    I don't want to leave him, and my life, behind, but at the same time I don't believe he's ever going to change and I am starting to hate myself because I just can't understand why I'm not good enough. Even when he tries to touch me now, I can't face it. Who or what is he thinking of instead of me? Why is the Internet the release instead of his wife. Is he even trying because he wants me or because he thinks it'll shut me up harping at him.

    It's affected me mentally, I'm starting to hate who I am, what I am and I just can't cope any more. He won't talk, he lies, he stays alone after I go to bed and I just know what he's doing and it tears me up inside a little bit more.

    My chat circle have told me to leave him, but I really don't want to have to do that. It's so close though, but I have no one else to turn to any more. I just am at the end of my rope and sinking fast.

    Is there ever really light at the end of the tunnel with this, or do I just give up now...

    Sorry to be a downer, I just had to get this off my chest where I'll be understood.
     
  2. Welcome to the group. I'm new here also and for the same reasons. I would try to talk to friends and family and it wasn't helping. After years of this most them just are tired of hearing it and don't understand why I am still with him. This site has been huge in my recovery time during the last discovery, a week and a half ago. Instead of leaning on him and his words, I have gone this direction instead. I feel it's been extremely helpful so far.

    My partner does this same thing. Very good with the words but nothing on the follow through. It always happens again, it's always me finding it and never me being told. It's always traumatic and soul crushing. Something about being lied to over and over just breaks your soul. I feel like I am always the one putting the effort into making anything better. It's a helpless feeling. Is he on this site? Do you think he would be open to it? It may help to open his eyes about how big of a problem this really is.
     
  3. Mahmojo8

    Mahmojo8 Fapstronaut

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    I know nothing about intimate relationships, nothing about how you feel towards your partner. But I know about leaving toxic friendships and being honest with my friends. I had a close friend who was pestering me with his brutish and manipulative attitude. He would say some of the most hateful things and would slowly diminish the quality of our relationship. It took time before I said something about it, but when I did, I can positively say that our friendship has moved to a much higher level of respect.

    I personally couldn’t sit through any amount of toxicity for more than a few months, let alone years in your case. It personally hurts me to hear that many people who have these issues with their partner put up with that soul crushing, heart-wrenching and traumatic experience and it’s quite common occurrence. Remember that whatever decision you make cannot guarantee things will turn out how you think they might. If you’ve told him EXACTLY how you feel and he’s not respecting the sentiment after all those years, he shouldn’t even be surprised if you left him.

    I’m very glad you shared you shared your story and sought help. It takes courage friend. Best wishes.
     
  4. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    Im new here too...Aside from
    This forum, Ive found enormous help in the free drop in groups of sexandrelationshiphealing. It makes one realize - we are not alone, we are not crazy.

    You can try the COSA calls too.

    Unless one is hit by this, everyone thinks its a shallow complaint or an exaggeration. Porn addiction sounds like a joke to some until you refer them to Robert Weiss and Patrick Carnes.
     
  5. MethodMadness

    MethodMadness New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all. Its such a relief to find this forum and see it isn't just me. I've felt so alone, so alienated and so discarded this last few months, and I just can't see a way out of it all that isn't just going.

    He's supposedly on here but, after all the previous false promises, I just can't see him utilising what this forum has to offer, I may just have been burned too much with this, but I don't see him suddenly up and quitting. I want to believe he wants to change but I can't seem to do so. Time will tell I suppose, and I have to at least give him the chance. I think, for my mental wellbeing, if this turns just another lie, it's time for me to just suck it up and go. I can't carry on harbouring the self revulsion without something snapping.

    It's broken my heart and I don't know if it will ever be the same again, and this has been greatly distressing to realise today.

    Thank you all for your input, and sharing. It means a lot.
     
  6. You're not crazy. These are normal reactions. If you have time, watch this video.



    It helped me a lot.
     
  7. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    Live q and a with this guy in 7 mins!! (6pm pst).
     
    HeartBrokenAndScared likes this.
  8. I love everything I have listened to that he has put out into the world. As much as I despise technology, I am so thankful for his videos.
     
  9. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    Sorry was dialed in! He hosts it on mondays @ 5pm! Check out sexandrelationshiphealing Website
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2019
    HeartBrokenAndScared likes this.
  10. Mahmojo8

    Mahmojo8 Fapstronaut

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  11. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Is this an in-person, face to face group or a chat room online? I would be careful if it's an online chat. Though you may have gone into a lot of detail and they may have insights please be careful when talking about it online, just because there's a lot that's lost in translation both in terms of the people sharing (no tone of voice, body language etc.) and just the fact that people are not around the person you're talking about and they have to piece it together in their head. If it's some local people they may even already know him and can draw on their experience with him even though it isn't directly related to this situation, but be careful.

    As for support - all I can say is again while it's nice to share online and know you're not alone, it just doesn't cover everything. Take care of yourself and protect yourself, seek out other forms of support beyond just hearing from people who understand. This is important but there's a lot we just can't do because we're limited in how we're communicating on here.
     

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