Rant: Lower your expectations

Awesome post! I whole heartedly agree. I don't necessarily think it is about lowering your standards though. I think it is more to do with seeing the person for who they really are and what it deep inside of them. Don't judge a book by it's cover comes to mind. I understand what you are saying though. I think you mean the standards that the media, and Hollywood have adopted when it comes to finding someone. Those standards are unrealistic. Nice post. Stay strong!

 

ILoathePorn,

I'll add a refinement to your rant. The solution should moreso be to do whatever it is YOU truly want and not give a fuck what anybody or society for that matter thinks. Lowering your standards as a means to an end still falls into the category of self image and society. I say date whoever the fuck you want. But be prepared to own up to having enough to offer the higher you go up. If you want to get laid more, sure, lower your standards. At the end of the day, the world is your oyster and you can attain anything if you work at it, and accept the responsibilities to attain them.

Best,
Mateo

 

Hey @Mateo89 I think you meant this for @noonoon. Either that or I could just be misunderstanding. Either way, thank you. Stay strong!

 

Your right! I apologize

Mateo

 

I disagree. I say - raise your standards, not lower them.

But the trick is, raise them for YOURSELF! Make yourself into a BETTER MAN. If you're overweight, stop going to McDonald's 3x a week and hit the gym. Get to the doctor and dentist if you've haven't been for awhile.

If you're a white collar person, join a professional association to make your skills more valuable. If you're blue collar, join a trade union or get more involved in it if you're already a member. Make an effort to improve your livelihood.

Start networking, even if you don't like it. Join Toastmasters and learn how to speak in public if you are shy. Meet people. Gain confidence in your social skills and eventually your ability to meet and attract decent women will dramatically improve.

I believe our culture has trained us to take the easy way out and settle. Nothing worthwhile comes easy.
There's nothing wrong with wanting a quality relationship! But in order to get quality, you have to BE quality. Part of being a man is taking responsibility for yourself. No one is going to take care of you like you. If you demonstrate to others that you value yourself, then they will value you.

--CNM

 

I've been with women with kids and I would never consider them to be times when I've "lowered my standards". Most single moms are done with the bullshit games and know what they want. Plus I've never looked down on someone for having a kid. It takes incredible strength to be a single parent and those who do it have my respect.

 

I agree with you Cucknomore,

We can achieve whatever we want if we take responsibility for them

Mateo

 

@CuckNoMore You haven't been around in ages. But: I really like your take on this!

I mean, I do get @noonoon's point. However, the root of it all is this sort of hypocrisy, no? And, especially if we're PA types with our own issues. Let's be the best version of ourself and include in that strong communication abilities and an expansive desire to serve our spouse. Back to the basics.

 

Not sure about that. I've heard quite a lot of really attractive women are single because everyone assumes they already are in a relationship, and therefore don't approach them. And what is a 'hot chick' anyway? Isn't it possible that what someone considers hot someone else might not?

 

You've got some good perspective there, @Surfing Poet.. my daughters definitely have the problem you mention where others look at them as unapproachable. And, their self-esteem is taking a hit for being "too" pretty. It's partly because they like Dad stuff too like shooting and whatever so they assume boys might not like that. All in due time, my lassies

 

Not possibly lol that's a fact we all have been brainwashed into thinking what we should be attracted to since kids but NoFap you start realizing beauty in different things other than looks and you start to broaden your horizons but this notion of powering your expectations shouldn't be based on looks or quality I think you should lower expectations in the fact that you instantly will not find someone you click with or is right for you but through practice you will eventually find them but be ok with this fact but I believe settling and lower expectations are two different things one instance you are betraying you standards and morals in order to use others to fulfill you desire of companionship even if that person isn't right for you I believe losing your expectations means don't be obessed with finding the right person immediately

 

Well i have only one expectation and that is: we need to have a connection .

and in my opinion that is a big expectation because 9 out of 10 you won't have that connection but i don't care i want a woman who i can love.

 

@noonoon A friend of mine had many things he was looking for in a woman. Looks, fitness, interests, etc - many good things, really. But, it struck me at an opportune point to advise him:

Think more about what you have to offer than what you intend to require.

Therein lies happiness!

 

This is kind of an old thread but it's a good one. I have noticed something about myself reading this and I encourage anyone to weigh in on this. I am really picky when it comes to girls, but I don't really have strong criteria. For me attraction is like a switch that's either on or off. I want a girl who I can relate to. I want someone who is kind, caring, would be a good mother, is responsible, is intelligent, independent but open-minded etc. I would of course be lying if I said physical attraction was not a factor but long gone are the days when I'm interested in a girl based solely on her looks. The girl of my dreams didn't exactly have guys lining up to ask her out and often times I don't have much interest in girls other people find extremely attractive. I'm quite young (18) but I am set on finding the right person. It's important to be realistic but I am not looking to settle for anyone less than someone I can truly come to love; otherwise things are set up to fail. My tastes and preferences are hard to define I just hope I will be able to one day find the right person and we can be mutually happy for the rest of our lives.