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Random thought of a lonely addict

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by ZenPhysics, Nov 11, 2017.

  1. ZenPhysics

    ZenPhysics Fapstronaut

    Hey guys, just wanted to paste a random thought I wrote in my journal today. I'm doing well in terms of Nofap, but occasionally I feel lonely and I have random vague thoughts like this one. Not really seeking for any kind of response, just curious if anyone resonates with this idea or feels different. Thanks, stay strong :)

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    Last night I had a dream. This time I wasn't physically reaching out for attractive girls or relapsing hard. I was walking through the adult section of a bookstore(there's always one in every store here), just peeking at the pages and feeling the dopamine rush. When I think about it now it portrayed how much I feel like edging these days. When I woke up after that, relapsing seemed like a good idea, and that moment it felt as if no strong words of encouragement or motivation could dissuade me. It's scary how it can happen out ofnowhere. What steered me away from that path was merely a casual choice("Let's not do that right now and just start the day, shall we?").

    Maybe there really isn't a clear distinction between the state of addiction and non-addiction. No matter how many days I stay clean, it's always going to be that casual choice that's going to keep me from that bottomless pit, till I die.

    This idea is slightly depressing. But maybe I'm meant to digest this and let the depression sink in, rather than seek another source of excessive dopamine.
     
    Deleted Account and EddyFriend like this.
  2. Scared Human

    Scared Human Fapstronaut

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    You should seek another source of dopamine, just make sure it's a healthy one, whether it's real interactions with people or a fun hobby, just make sure that void is filled.

    I really think one of the reasons we turn to porn is to numb the feeling of that void loneliness causes. Try to fill that void in healthy ways
     
    EddyFriend and Knighthawk like this.
  3. ZenPhysics

    ZenPhysics Fapstronaut

    I agree. That's why during my latest streak I've picked up hobbies like working out, solving sudoku, and playing frisby. And it's helped me a lot!

    By "sources of excessive dopamine" I meant things like YouTube, video games, and SNS, all of which I do my best to avoid as carefully as P. I believe we've become too used to seeking those sources to cope with depression and boredom, rather than actually relaxing our mind and body with healthy hobbies.

    Thanks for responding :)
     
    EddyFriend likes this.
  4. Scared Human

    Scared Human Fapstronaut

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    lately I haven't even been getting satisfied from video games. don't know whether it's because they're starting to get worse, I'm growing older, or I'm just that depressed. Probably a combination of all of those haha. I find that creative activities and (attempting at) being social make me feel the best. I don't have any friends, but even being on campus and walking up to random girls and talking makes me feel great, even if they aren't interested. It feels even better because you're conquering a fear as well :)
     
    EddyFriend and ZenPhysics like this.
  5. SourDough

    SourDough New Fapstronaut

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    What you wrote does resonate with me @ZenPhysics , thanks for sharing. I do like how you said it was a casual decision. Sometimes I feel like it is a major battle when I'm feeling tempted/triggered. Perhaps just mentally lowering it to a casual decision and simply saying, "Let's not do that right now and just start the day, shall we?" would make it more possible than feeling like I have a major battle ahead, and I don't have the strength or energy to go to war. The idea that this decision has to be made everyday for the rest of time is a bit depressing. But we are just living one day at a time, not all of time all at once. I have to keep telling myself this. Just one day, just for today. Keep going man, you are doing great!
     
    EddyFriend and ZenPhysics like this.
  6. ZenPhysics

    ZenPhysics Fapstronaut

    Thanks to your words, I think I have a better understanding of this feeling than before. One day at a time it is then :D
     
    EddyFriend and SourDough like this.

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