Ramblings

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Reboot Logs' started by Rambling Man, Sep 19, 2018.

  1. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    Cleopatra

    I had the idea of placing the PC on the living room so the presence of my roommates would keep me from doing anything stupid. It did work for a while, but then I was studying History and I came across an innocent article about Cleopatra, of all things, and the ************ just did me: First came a quick reverie, then the craving, and before I knew it the computer was back at my bedroom, and... Well. Porn is hard enough, and femdom really is a tricky thing to leave behind.
     
  2. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    Findom #1

    I miss the times when it was simple, nothing else but PMOing—for hours, yes, until my penis was hurt, yes, but still. Now it affects different aspects of my life. A girl tells me about how she can't afford something costly that she needs for college. I'm unemployed, indebted... And yet I borrow a lot of money from the bank and purchase it for her. Not out of charity, not because I was trying to get under her panties. Couldn't help it. Years of femdom and I've been conditioned like a ****ing Pavlov dog.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2018
    TryingAgain likes this.
  3. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    **** #1

    I'm in a serious relationship with the woman of my life, I know exactly what I have to do to turn my entire life around, and yet... I don't, I procrastinate. I watch pornography. I wast my time and energy with femdom bullshit. I remember a time when I couldn't quit, now I feel I can't muster enough willpower to even want to quit. What the **** is wrong with me?
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2018 at 9:31 PM
  4. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    Owing #1

    If for nothing else, I must become the best man I can possibly be simply because that's the least she deserves. She has literally saved my life, now I owe it to her to make it a life worth living—and to make her a happy woman. How can I give her all of my heart if I don't overcome dispersion?
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2018
  5. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    Progress

    Clean for two days. That's two days more than I'd been managing lately, so I'll take it as a victory. And yesterday I smoked only one cigarette—and none since then. Today I exercised. I accomplished everything I set out to accomplish. I did nothing remarkably stupid. Progress.
     
  6. salvacion_a_888

    salvacion_a_888 Fapstronaut

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    Wanting to want to quit is a tough place to be. But at least you've got that. Maybe you haven't hit your bottom yet? I don't know. I just know that for me, I've gotta be in a shit ton of pain before I change anything. I'm concerned that wanting to quit for your SO might not be enough. Have you tried articulating why you want to quit for you?
     
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  7. TryingAgain

    TryingAgain Fapstronaut

    Man, Your situation os very similar to mine one year ago.
    May I ask you more about yourself, in order to help you to Cope with things?
     
  8. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    I remember what rock bottom looks like for me, so I guess I haven't reached it this time yet. But pain I can handle just fine, my change usually comes from a sense of responsibility, and she's given me that. Why would I want to quit for me, however? So I won't waste my life away. Is there anything more boring than being a junkie?

    I'm a very private person, but I'll try to answer your questions if I can.
     
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  9. letstryagain1

    letstryagain1 Fapstronaut

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    Hi!
    it's really hard me to advise something because i struggle this as well for a long time. I just want to say that you're aware your problem, you have come here and you're on the right way to be a better version of yourself.

    Maybe instead of thinking about how you would waste your life if you do not quit PMOimg, start think how wonderful and valuable your life will be if you beat up your addiction. I mean start thinking about benefits of getting rid of addiction.

    Good luck! Be strong!
     
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  10. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    You know what? That's a very good advice! Thank you very much!
     
  11. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    Findom #2

    Pornography was just the beginning for me, now I have other ways to **** things up in my life. I've contracted an obligation towards someone, and though what I have to do is the portrait of bureaucratic boredom, I got myself into it out of lust. And the high was just like that of bingeing on anything.
     
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  12. TryingAgain

    TryingAgain Fapstronaut

    OK, You answer if you are OK to it.
    How long have you been in a relationship with your woman?
     
  13. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    We've known each other for over a decade, with mutual feelings during much of that period, however, all things considered, we've been together for over a year, though not at once.
     
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  14. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    Persevering

    I wanted to stay home: It was late, going to the gym would mean extra exposition, I hadn't slept much and was tired, I had work to do... I went there anyway. Then my muscles started hurting, I felt weak, I wanted to leave earlier, but I persevered. I got to the point in which I thought I couldn't go any further, then I did just that. I felt wrecked afterwards—and it felt so ******* good.
     
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  15. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    Insecure

    Insecure. Depressed. Hard to focus on the image of what I want to accomplish—it eludes me at the moment. Is it really possible for someone like me to be happy, anyway? To actually craft a good place in life? To love and be loved until the end? To create something to endure? Since when do people like me have happy endings?
     
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  16. TryingAgain

    TryingAgain Fapstronaut

    So I can imagine both of you have great expectations to each other.
    This is the ground on which you two will build your dreams.
    That's where you will get the motivation to change.

    That said, I can say more:

    Yes! It is possible. You can make it possible.
     
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  17. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    Yesterday I felt nothing could possibly get right for me, you know? Today I woke feeling certain that nothing will work out. I'm going through the motions, doing what I must do, because there's nothing else I can do. Yours was a very nice post, I thank you very much for it, but I can't agree with you right now, I just can't. I'm messed up.
     
  18. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    Falling

    I'm falling down, depressed. I don't know how I managed to go through this day so far, what with its being even worse than yesterday. Back with the cigarettes. And the only reason I didn't relapse last night was because some random, external events made it impossible—I really, really craved it. Being alive is weighing down on my shoulders.
     
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  19. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    Relapses (1-4)

    01. 09/28/18 12:25 AM
    02. 09/28/18 07:13 AM
    03. 09/28/18 07:33 AM
    04. 09/28/18 05:23 PM
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2018
  20. Rambling Man

    Rambling Man Fapstronaut

    Danger #1

    At least I know exactly what has caused me to fail. I recognize the worst danger my reboot currently faces. It's a tricky thing to deal with, though, but I think I can manage it enough so that it won't cause the same amount of damage in the foreseeable future.
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2018

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