Quitting P, probably M, but not O

I want to kick P out of my life forever. I really have no beef with M, but from what I have seen, most experienced NoFap people say that it's near-impossible to quit P without also quitting M, at least for a few months. So I guess I have to quit M. But O with my girlfriend is not something I have much interest in quitting. I realize that this will delay my reboot process, but I don't mind a longer wait so long as it works.

So far, I've gone 14 days without P and 1 day without M (more on that later). I have O with my girlfriend once or twice per week.

Anyway, I've got a few questions for you all. Feedback would be much appreciated!

1. Should I do two separate counters, one for "days since last P", and one for "days since last M"? Or would it make more sense to do a single "challenge," and lump P and M in together? Sometimes I get really horny, my girlfriend isn't interested, and I pick M as a "compromise" to keep from looking at P. I know that this means my reboot will take longer, but I treasure anything that can keep me from looking at P every once and a while. If I only count "days since last P or M," then what will stop me from looking at P if I'm already about to do M? Does that seem reasonable at all, or is this my addiction talking? What do you all think about this?

2. I know that continued O will complicate things and make my reboot take longer. Honestly, I'm not super set on completing reboot ASAP, so that doesn't phase me. Like I said, what I really want is to get P out of my life forever, and I'd really like to maintain a healthy sex life with my girlfriend throughout the process if at all possible. In fact, I've been able to talk myself out of a few risky situations by saying to myself "don't look at P now; you'll get O tomorrow with boo-thang." (No, I don't really call her "boo-thang." Just a joke. Please laugh!) But here's my question: How will I know when my reboot is complete, and should I care? I have very, very mild PIED here and there, but I'm not here to fix those issues. I just want (a) to not look at porn ever again, (b) to not crave it anymore, and (c) to have my sexual needs met by my girlfriend alone. Those things are hard to turn into quantifiable goals or benchmarks, so I feel like I'm on some kind of vague quest without a clear goal, and with no way of knowing when I've arrived.

I realize that these are pretty vague questions... Feel free to ask for more clarification if needed - I will do my best! Any and all advice is welcome!

 

Thanks for the response! In some ways, it was encouraging - 14 months is a long time; congrats! In other ways, it wasn't - the prospect of having to daily choose not to look at porn sounds very, very bleak...

I've actually quit everything (P, M, and O) altogether twice before (that was before I started dating my girlfriend). Both of those times lasted nine months, and I remember feeling much more fresh and free through all of that. I don't remember experiencing many of the things you describe (especially the dopamine storms and irritability), but that's probably because I didn't know to look out for them.

One question for you, if you don't mind me asking: Are you currently in relationship where you have a consistent sexual outlet? (I can't think of a less awkward way to ask that.) I always imagined that once I found this kind of relationship, I'd be free from the desire to look at porn. Obviously that turned out to not be the case. But if I kick P & M out of my life for a few months, I would imagine that my sexuality could change in a variety of ways (perhaps wanting sex less often, or perhaps different types of sex). Do you think that I might eventually be so fully re-wired through my reboot that I am sexually satisfied through my relationship alone? Could that displace my desire for P?

 

That is very helpful information. Thanks for the help!

 

Journal update:
I made it 50 days without P, but after that I relapsed and binged for about 50 days. No I'm back on the recovery train.

The 50 day streak
The streak was awesome. I felt very free and liberated, my conscious was clear, I felt more comfortable with myself - again, it was awesome. Getting through the first few weeks was pretty challenging at times, but after that it wasn't too bad. I continued M/O with my partner, which may have cause that initial, tough stage to last longer than normal.

I used several strategies, mostly just rules to avoid triggers: no social media usage while at home alone; I spent as much time at my girlfriend's apartment as possible (rather than home alone); I spent more time reading and meditating; I acknowledged and mentally released all tempting thoughts.

Relapse: How did I get here?
A chain of events, probably spanning 2 - 3 weeks, led me to the point of relapse; it was a progressive deterioration, not a single failure out of the blue: first I started looking at attractive women in public ("ogling" is the term, I think?) more obsessively and frequently. Soon after, I got lax with my social media usage and began to view Facebook while at home alone. Then I started lingering over triggering images on my news feed. Then I started clicking those images, then looking for them, and from there I took the last remaining step to P.

How can I avoid Relapse this time?
(1) It helps to know the pattern, and to know that the little battles are really important. Even if I feel strong enough to resist the temptation to outright look up P, I cannot give into the smaller temptations along the way (ogling, ignoring my home alone rules, FB usage, etc.) DON'T GET LAX.

(2) If I slip up with the small battles, turn back. When ground is lost, take it back. If I break a rule and look at social media at home alone, I need to acknowledge that problem with a post to NoFap, then re-commit to my rule. Otherwise, the little steps will bring me right back to relapse. DON'T ACCEPT FAILURE.

(3) Now I know that recovery can really work. I made it 50 days, and there's no reason to think I can't make it longer. Once I got over the first few weeks, fighting the urge didn't get much harder or easier. If I stand my ground on the small things, I could make it forever! I CAN DO THIS.

The Binge
Unfortunately, my little relapse became a giant binge. When I started this thing (100 days ago), P had started to lose its appeal. P wasn't as exciting as it once was. That made it easier to resist. But 50 days into recovery, when I slipped up and looked at P, it was new and exciting once again, making it harder to give up than it had been at the start.... But after 50 days of binging, P is disappointing again. If I relapse again, I need to remember this: It's not worth it, and the fun doesn't last. It's so so so not worth it.

Why did it take me 50 days of binging before I fessed up and got back on the recovery train? I'm not completely sure. For one, I was afraid that if I came back to NoFap and shared my failure and re-committed to recovery, I would end up relapsing again, proving that even NoFap couldn't get me clean. But that's BS - see #3 above: It can be done. I just need to take small battles more seriously, re-commit, and use these forums more frequently.

I'm back at it, guys. I can't wait to feel fresh again, like I did during my previous streak. Freedom and recovery, here I come! I can't wait!