Question for Men

I am speaking on behalf of all men right now. What I can say is that women really shouldn't do that. It is very disrespectful. There is no man on this planet that will accept it. A woman that does this has no self respect and the guy that's flirting with her knowing that she is married or in relationship should get his ass kicked.

 

I would disagree with the previous post as a man. Violence doesn’t accomplish anything except more violence. It isn’t necessarily disrespectful either IMHO.
If one is confident in their relationship, and themselves, there is little need to be jealous or offended if a partner engages someone of the opposite sex. Sure some people may view another potential mate as a threat, but if the relationship is solid and built on trust, respect and friendship there is little reason to be jealous.
I will say there can be a level of disrespect with flirting or engaging another person. If you are in a committed relationship, you can’t just ignore your partner for some other novelty. You also should introduce them or bring them into the conversation to ensure that they don’t feel disrespected, and introduce them as your partner, mate, SO, or what have you. Without that, engaging another attractive person you don’t know enters the realm of not honoring your existing relationship, and diminishes your SO. This would certainly justify the feelings of being offended or jealous you ask about.

Now checking out other potential mates is another story, and is a huge part of the Porn Addicted mindset that should end. A PA has retrained and devolved their brain to find new novel partners at every turn unknowingly feeding the addiction. I have been guilty of this myself in an extreme case. While I have giving up P entirely, and psubs, I can still struggle with the now seemingly instinctive side of my brain that wants to scan for new novel mates. I am usually able to correct myself, and have refrained from ogling. I still constantly struggle with this damaging behavior, which of course can cause triggers in my SO when we are out in public. I can understand her pain as I would constantly feed my addiction when we were out together, which would make her feel that she way went good enough for me, or measured up to other women as I would constantly be checking anyone out. I can’t blame her for feeling this way, and have hope we can learn to have confidence in our relationship, ourselves, and move forward in a lovIng, respectful, and trusting relationship.

 

i dont know its right or wrong ........but i will not like it........i will not confront it......but it will pinch me........but only if i am not doing that same

 

For myself, my SO isn't a flirt and even if she was I don't believe it would bother me. In our case because I was on the other side of that coin back when we had just a friendship. So I know who she is and I know she won't hurt me.

 

My wife is not a flirting type, so she never did it in front of me, but I don't think I would like that at all. I don't like when men ogle her, and a few days ago I saw that guy ogling her way too much, even when she moved he also moved so he can continue ogling, so I looked rights at him and he had "oh shit" moment.

So, the answer is NO I would not like if she would do that.

 

Generally speaking, no, although I've been in situations where it's made me really uncomfortable. Overall, the more I trust my partner, the less offended or jealous I am about her checking out other men. If I really trust my partner, then I can take comfort in the fact that, despite there being other attractive men out there who make her head turn, she chooses to be in a relationship with me because I am a good match for her.

In the past, I was in a relationship where my girlfriend was not being faithful to me. I suspected it for a long time, but it was never flat out clear until we broke up. In that relationship, the idea of my girlfriend flirting with other men made me really uncomfortable and jealous, because I had already suspected that she was being unfaithful to our relationship and I thought flirting might lead towards more infidelity.

In a contrasting case, I am confident that my current girlfriend has always been faithful to me (as I have been to her). We trust one another very deeply, and we feel safe with one another. My girlfriend has had a few coworkers and old friends try to pursue sexual relationships with her since we started dating, but I have never felt jealous or offended by any of that because I trust my girlfriend. She always communicates openly with me about those sorts of things, and she's made it very clear that I am the one she wants to be with. I feel secure with her, and I don't think that her talking to other men would ever lead to infidelity.

I think the difference in these two examples was the amount of trust at the foundation of the relationship. Again, the more I trust my partner and the safer I feel with them, the less offended and jealous I'm going to be when she interacts with someone else.

 

I don't really see anyone complaining in this thread, but to answer your question: no. I don't flirt with married women because I find it sort of disrespectful.

 

Hmm, which one?

I don't think this is possible unless you're saying something absolutely trivial, like "I am a man", or "I exist".

Just because I think it's disrespectful for a man to make sexual advances on a married woman doesn't mean that women shouldn't check out other men. It's perfectly natural to be attracted to people who aren't your significant other, whether you're male or female. If you hit on a married person and you know they're not in a sexually-open relationship, you're demonstrating that you don't respect that person's decision to make such a commitment to their spouse, and that's rude. Other men have hit on my girlfriend before despite their knowledge of my relationship with her, and she hasn't told them to f**k off or anything like that because she's a polite person. Even though I think it's kind of rude that they hit on her, It's not wrong of her to treat them politely, and it's not wrong if she finds them attractive, either. The important thing is that we trust each other, and I know that she would never break the terms of our relationship regardless of how she feels about these men biologically.

I am a man, I live on this planet, and I accept the fact that sometimes my girlfriend looks at other men and finds them attractive. It's part of what it means to be a human being.

Actually, I think a woman who checks out other men has a good understanding of her own sexuality and her own biology. I think that the guy flirting with her is being disrespectful, but I wouldn't say he should "get his ass kicked". Violence doesn't determine who is right, it only determines who is left. In my experience, aggression or violence towards other men who try to hit on your wife/girlfriend can be a major turn-off for her. If a man hits on my girlfriend, I think it's rude, but I'm not going to confront the guy about it. His actions say more about him and his respect for other people's relationships than they do about me, and I'm not going to stoop down to that level. If that makes me a pussy, then I guess that's what I am

 

Does that make you think a little differently about your own ogling?

 

@Broken3 mentioned two elements in her post: checking out other men or flirting with them. My post was about the latter. @Ridley, your post lays focus on the first element which is not as bad. You have been cheated on. I don't think that you like the idea of your current girlfriend flirting with other men.

 

I think that heavily depends on your definition of flirting. It's somewhat of a nebulous term.

 

Basically the female version of hitting on somebody.

 

I'm a man.. If my wife ever flirted with another man in front of me I would definitely be offended and it would probably also make me sad. I can't remember this ever happening during our relationship. I have witnessed men subtly flirting with her before. Not a fan of this either. It makes me jealous and somewhat annoyed.

 

Jealous? Definitely. I have always gotten really jealous, but I recognise that it's rooted in my own low self esteem and feelings of inadequacy.
But not really offended. In my opinion, it's natural for a woman to be attracted to other men. Particularly guys that are different than myself. Sorry if this offends other men on here, or comes across as self deprecating, but I have always been more of a beta-male (the shy, nice-guy type - makes a good friend, long-term boyfriend or husband) as opposed to the alpha males (who may be more appealing as a fling or a lover) and it was almost always the alpha male or bad-boy types that my girlfriends would be inclined to flirt with. Some were better at keeping it discrete than others, but I kind of see it as hormonal, and natural.

As someone who coped with their insecurities by PMO, it eventually became arousing for me, and over time it just got more arousing, not less. My wake up call was being diagnosed with abysmally low testosterone. Now I am doing NoFap, weightlifting etc to raise my testosterone, and perhaps becoming more alpha.

So, to conclude. Not offended. Accepting. But still very jealous.

And, I acknowledge that my porn addiction probably also contributed to their wandering eyes.

 

Oh definitely, I saw myself in that guy, and I didn't like what I saw.