Psychosis or Paranoia?

You know for a fact that you aren't psycho hearing things, accept it, they caught you red handed so of course they're gonna make fun of you like what did you expect from not clearing you history? And it's ok I'm sure some of them have watched weird porn before too. I'm 18, a chronic porn watcher and masturbator and I haven't gotten a full erection in over a year or 2, I've watched transwoman and beastality at one point out of curiosity. I can't get it up for sex most the time and have almost ZERO feeling in my penis. I've never had sex fully pulsating hard. It's because I'm circumcised and lost much feeling plus death gripping my meat 5 times a day or more since I discovered porn at 10. You wanna stop watching porn? Put your google chrome or whatever on safe mode and occupy yourself with other hobbies, the trick is to keep your mind off of it. Try 2 weeks no PMO (Porn,Masturbation, Orgasm) and see if it improves your mood (chronic masturbators tend to be tired a lot) and your sensations and erection quality. Keep me updated on everything

 

Hey man, thanks for sharing your experiences. You said this latest experience with uni mates happened at a party which was pretty messy. Could it be too much drink / drugs that was messing with your mind in that situation?

These are you friends and if they really thought those things I doubt they would want to carry on spending time with you. It's probably not what your mind is making it out to be.

Sounds like you're getting a lot of help with your addiction which is great. Have you tried talking about these paranoid thoughts with any of your therapists?

Take care man.

 

All my "friends" are dicks too don't worry. They found out I go soft on girlssimetimes (psychological/mental ED meaning I remember going soft at first on my first time ever having sex out of nervousness and keep thinking it will happen again, basically it makes me worry and focus on tbh e wrong thing during sex so the performance anxiety stress kills my erection) and they joked about it once a long time ago so I completely understand how you feel. If they went through my history they would find "dekaratinization of penis" and "reverse keratinization" posts. Which is where circumcised guys build up a dried thick mucus membrane which was supposed to be underneath our now nonexistent foreskin to keep it moist, smooth, pink and sensitive. That layer blocks the nerve endings for more feeling during sex

 

I guess it's not possible to tell without asking your friends. From what you've said, I think the mdma along with your current state of mind (coming to terms with your sex addiction) probably had a lot to do with this latest situation. Even if it wasn't entirely imagined, those factors probably made it seem worse than it was.

I don't think you need to confront your uni mates, but an honest conversation with them (maybe just one trusted friend) might help to put your mind at ease. It would be hard but if they're not prepared to reassure you and get behind you then maybe you should be thinking about whether they are the kind of people you want in your life as you work through your recovery.

Did you get your therapy on the NHS or are you paying for it? Sounds like you're doing everything you can to fight this. I hope it's working out for you, good luck!

 

Very impressed by your commitment and it sounds like you are doing everything you can to recover from this. Acknowledging the problem is the first step to finding a new, healthier part. Well done!

 

Drugs are unhealthy for anyone but particularly so for someone with an addiction. You should stop taking drugs immediately and stop hanging out with people that do drugs, they will drag you down with them.

As for what you're describing, it does sound like paranoia and you should take this to the psychologist you're seeing. The lines between paranoia and psychosis are quite blurred but it doesn't seem like you lost contact with reality so it would not fit a psychosis per se, especially considering drugs were involved and drugs are known to cause or exacerbate paranoid feelings already present.

The thing is your thoughts are not really that out of touch, it's just that you're projecting them on others - it is you that is concerned and ashamed of your habits.

Take good care of yourself, keep going to meetings, doing nofap, seeing a therapist, stop using ANY drugs.

 

The porn and shame alone is enough to make you paranoid and then you put a drug on top of that. Your head twisted little things that they mentioned. Stay off that crap. Do you even know what you took? You didn't make this stuff yourself so no telling what else was in it. Bad choice, that stuff will mess you up. If you want to be free from addiction don't take drugs AND don't watch porn / touch your pecker. You're doing a good thing getting so much help, your in college but don't buy in to all that college life bullshit and try to fit in with ppl that hold you back. If they were mocking you, if they are advocating drug use they aren't friends, ditch them.

 

I guess it's just about how to have that conversation mate. You don't necessarily need to tell them about the porn / sex addiction (at least not in so many words). Just tell them you've been going through a rough time, been seeing a therapist about some stuff in your life, need them to be a bit understanding for a while...

No doubt it'll be tough, but it's all part of your recovery. I've got no doubt you can get through this and come out of it a stronger, happier person.

 

@plugg
Hey man, read your post and I just wanna say well done on your self-recognizance. I’ve actually had situations similar to yours, where I have gone pretty far into my sexual addiction and am paying the price for it.

I’ve had a very, very similar instance where I’ve been rolling on molly and high on weed where I was certain people knew I was an addict and that they knew of my HOCD battle I’ve been fighting. I was positive they were talking about me while I was right in front of them, and listening to music with lyrics that were saying the same things. It totally messed me up and caused me massive anxiety to where I couldn’t be in the same room as my friends. After my experience, I went back and listened to the music and there was absolutely no lyrics that matched what was going through my head. So it could’ve been an induced psychosis or something, although I haven’t confirmed with my friends because that would be an incredibly awkward situation if it was wrong. I’m a believer of drugs amplifying things that are crushing you

 

I’m with you there, all of my problems came from drug use and I am certainly staying away from substances 100%.

 

I am 42 and really depressed that I am only dealing with this porn demon now, I wish I did it at your age. Believe me, you are in a very good position and have your whole life ahead of you.