Progress was reversed after having sex

Hello Uruvug,

I had very similar experiences in my life. I was using too these half pills for just "to be on the safer side"... I used to have videos of my ex partners and that was my only masturbation material. I wasn't being able to have a hard penis even I was full of enthusiasm of sex... Etc... Very similar story.

But I stoped doing it. I deleted all videos (I tried to recover them from hard disc several times, fortunately it didn't worked), I threw away all the pills (cuz I can't believe in me 100% with these pills in my pocket) and faced the truth: I needed to love someone, real love and stay away from the regular daily lustful thoughts. I do chigong and meditation too, just to have a calmer mind and healthy body. I am 37 now and if I take care of myself, I have early morning wood every day when I am sleeping with my partner or alone. I am learning not to have sex every time I have a boner because even that kind of sex becomes an habit, unhealthy in some ways (sucking out a good amount of energy and time of mine and my partner).

Now, I am working on to have sex just at the times when there is pure strong deep connection and love, not lust at all. And believe me, what I experience is a boner which is lasting for hours lets say, several time at one night. And the sex is pure and way better than the lustful, porn looking hard core sex. My partner helps me to get my boner, touches me, caress me, not leaving me alone or wait me to have a boner.

My suggestion is, if I dont offend you, just let it go this way of thinking. Trust yourself and real love because that is how the mechanism work if dont interrupt at all!... Find something to use your energy other than thinking sex (as you are already doing I believe) and not think about your penis at all. Lusty thoughts, regret and insecurity is the leakage of sexual energy. Just free the penis from your insecure thoughts. I am pretty sure that you will have a great sex life when you find a real partner to work with, who does care for you not the boner, who support you... And she will see the benefits in quite short time. That is my experience.

By the way, I am still not cured 100%. My partner supports me to have my sex fast. I do sex fast because I still catch myself thinking pornographic thoughts and do flirty chats with some woman. But I will be clean once and for all, I am pretty sure Cheers brother.

 

Thanks brother for your sincerity. I experienced exactly same things over and over again like yours. Finally I figured out that sex is not just an erection. The women who loose interest is not the woman that I want to share my time and energy. And plus to that, I always felt like the erection is my responsability.. No! If we dont disturb the natural process, which is trust, love, romance, patience (not to sleep with o girl at the same day you meet or asking an erection to happen in 2 minutes because of lusty thoughts), it is just happening! I am just watching now, how it happens. And if not, it means that there is a missing part in the equation. Sometimes, when I was single, with some woman it works and with some woman it does not. Now I understand that erection is like a deeper sensitivity which is guiding me to find the right mate. I am not talking about marriage or having kids. But in energy level, one should not have sex with anyone just to show that one can have good sex or etc...

NoFap thing is important... The body or ejeculation is not the main thing. The main thing is to create a new concept of sex. That's is why I fast. To see my minds unhealthy way of thinking (I need erection to live my masculinity, I am not a full man if I cant get erection in front of a naked woman, I am a man so seeing every woman as a potential sex is normal, no woman will stay with me if there is no erection, etc...). There are tons of them. Just delete them. NoFap is helping to see these thoughts arising. So delete them, everytime you see one of them. And if you need to masturbate, just touch your body like you never did before. Do not focus on just one part of the body. Because erection is the reaction of whole body and feelings, not just the tip nerves of the penis! And be a man in your life, not just in the bedroom. Help people, adopt an animal, play guitar, do something with your hands etc. It helps a lot.

And let the nature, the wise self acts as you. Dont think about it, this is the problem. It is always paradox this psychological situations... You make mistake, and to clean it up, you go deeper in the same mistake, and you go deeper and deeper. The key is, stop doing anything. Because body knows very well how to do sex, if we dont interrupt it with our negative thought (uncertanity, doubt, lust, rashness).

I also had lots of "fails" to have sex, especially when it is the first time. Really lots of experiences. And I accepted it, the way I am. I myself started to feel it normal and warn the woman about it before, talk about it sincerely. You know what, some of them started to have more interest in me. Because I knew that I need understanding, compassion etc too in my sex life. Even if it is just one time sex, why it should be a hard core porn like emotionless sex? So, now, besides my partner, I have lots of woman around me who knows that sometimes I cant get erected but if the timing and feelings are right, the sex is not just sex that they can live with a random guy. I am with my partner now so I am learning not to do these flirty chats and stay focused on one woman