Pride and selfishness

@IJustWannaConnect welcome to NoFap! You're in the right place, my friend. I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry to hear about your relationship; that is so hard, man. I agree with you that it may be best to get a handle on your pmo addiction before attempting redemption with your ex. It's not a bad goal, but now is a good time to work on yourself. Also, and I don't mean to sound like a dick, please don't set yourself up for a fall by making that a huge goal. If, for whatever reason, she decides she doesn't want any part of it, I'd hate to see that be a temptation to relapse.

Enough of that, though.

Admitting our addiction - at least for me - was a huge challenge and victory. You just logged your first success, man! Well done!

Here are some things I found really helpful on my own journey (currently finishing day 26 pmo-free):

There are a lot of good resources here. There is the List of Resources found here: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/new-users-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/

There are also groups you can join with likeminded men.

Three things I found extremely valuable are:
-getting an accountability partner; that forum is here: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/accountability-partners.7/

-starting a journal and writing in it daily. You'll find that section under Reboot Logs. I would also suggest reading others' journals and other posts.

-interact with the guys here. You will find an amazing community of supportive, motivating guys all on the same journey as you are.

You will find connection again. You are worth all the work this is going to take and I know you can do it!

You don't have to do this alone. We're all in this together, and together we are stronger.

Welcome to NoFap, my friend! I'm proud of you for joining and glad you're here.

All my best,
Jay

 

Hi. Welcome to forum!

Make sure you crate a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started.

Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!