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PREMATURE EYACULATION EVER HEALS?

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by SickMexican, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. SickMexican

    SickMexican Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone.

    Before anything, thank everyone here for all your good will, for being supportive and understandable people, I don't know if there are more people having my same issue, but it feels good to know you can talk and ask about it to someone that is also struggling to keep a clean mind, pure spirit and healthy body.

    I have 3 weeks now without PMO and going for week number 4, but before that, I was in a really dark place. I've been watching porn and masturbating since I was 14 maybe.
    I am a religious person, so I've never had sex with any girl in the past, which makes me more of a hypocrite, so I apologize. I was feeling unhole, unclean, ashamed of myself and disrespectful towards women virtue.

    And something I realized was that when I was masturbating, but having a "hot head" sort of saying, or having sexual thoughts or porn memories ni my head while doing it, I would only last for a minute or two tops. I had no control at all over myself, and maybe, that was one of the reasons I tried masturbation over and over again, not only to feel that nasty pleasure, but to probe myself that I could last for longer periods of time, and maybe, give more and better sexual satisfaction to a girl when the right time comes.

    Now I am scared as heck about not being healthy. I really want to get married, find my eternal companion and be a happy family together. With this woman, if I ever find her and if she accepts me, I want to have an intimate and meaningful relationship with her, and when it comes down to sex, I want to do it as a pure and sincere demostration of my love for her but, first of all...I don't know if I will be able to ever feel that since I've been dirt and contaminated for such a long time. I don't want to look at her, or any other women as sexual objects only. And related to this forum thread, I think that she won't be fully satisfied with my performance, since I will go nervous and from my past nasty habits, I know I can only last for some minutes.

    If anyone here that takes time to read this and share your thought or ideas with me, please let me know, have you overcome this?! How you did it?! What can I do to not feel that way? Will my body will ever work, in sexual terms, in a healthy way again, or as it should be, ever?!

    Your thoughts and comments and support are much appreciated. Thanks from the heart.

    God bless. Have a great day please!
     
  2. mike lowry

    mike lowry Fapstronaut

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    So, if i understand correctly, you never had sex? There's no way you can know then that you have premature ejaculation. Masturbating is not the same thing as having sex, so you might be surprised that you might not have premature ejaculation when it comes to the deed. Mostly people should expect decreased sensitivity after frequent porn use. And by the way, she should not be perfectly satisfied with the first encounter, you can't possibly know what she enjoys best until you get to know her more intimately, so your expectations are more than unrealistic. Sex will get better and better as you get to experience each other's bodies, you are already too anxious, you need to masturbate without porn, do not watch anything stimulating, just relax and focus on the physical sensations. You really really overthink this.
     
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  3. SickMexican

    SickMexican Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot Mike! I really needed a realistic and direct answer on that.
    Guess it is some of the things that happens as a consequence of watching tons of porn over the years. I had unrealistic expectations, images, sensations and even unrealistic feelings because of it.
    I will follow your advice and stay relaxed to control anxiety and eventually, get a healthy and realistic intimacy.

    Thanks again. Peace out man!!!
     
  4. I appreciate your courage you took when sharing these words! It's not easy to speak about the deepest parts of your heart when you feel like a hypocrite.

    Man, in the long term its the state of mind that counts. If you set your mind to overcome this addiction, it will take a while - so only committed men are victorious. Don't expect this to leave easily since it was around for many years. And sin is sin - whether it's sex before marriage, sex with your hand, watching porn, stealing, killing, cheating - its all the same. And one price is paid for all. So avoid comparisons and just focus on what's in front of you.

    Also sex isn't just about you, you know. It's also about the woman and the ways she will respond to you, as well as initiate towards you. The deed isn't 100% dependent on the male. So don't allow your anxiety about something that might not even be there already pollute your mind. And remember, God always gives His grace to those who fight in His Name.
     
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  5. Kristian

    Kristian Fapstronaut

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    Hey man and thanks for opening up about this issue! I am facing the same problem as well and it's one of the many reasons for me to quit PMO.

    The first person I ever slept with was a girl I broke up with last year. She didn't care about protection and I was enough of a fool to let myself driven by that. It is worth mentioning, since without a condom, you ejaculate earlier, especially the first times. It takes practice. I had none.

    Of course it happened to me. She kind of laughed and that ruined me for good. I was devastated back then, but now, when I look back, I realize that it was my fault as well. I was a fapstronaut for more than six years, I was heavily drinking (unfortunately still am, but I am trying) at that point and was going under a lot of stress and sleepless nights. These were all factors I had to work at, in order to get better, not just PMO.

    I have no idea if quitting PMO will suffice in order to get better at controlling ejaculation. But at least it won't do harm any longer. I am in a committed relationship now and I sadly get off a little even when we kiss in a more passionate way. But I'll be damned if I will quit until I figure this out.

    Good luck!
     
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  6. SickMexican

    SickMexican Fapstronaut

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    Gratitude for your honest words too man.
    It is been hard indeed, and you're completely right, I think if I or you, all of us here can get to control our thoughts and actions in consequence, we can be hole again. The challenge lies precisely on it, and it is my opinion that all of us that can master our own passions and emotions, will be hole in the last day.
    That is my hope and I guess I am thinking way ahead of myself, and pornography has destroyed my mind in so many ways that it is extremely hard for me to not think about this or that, or compare myself with what I used to see in that dirty material.

    I will keep in mind your kind advice, so thank you very much, specially for reminding me that God has always open armas to all who trust in the name of His son, and repent sincerily. I still have a long way to go, and may be, one day, I can have a real and pure relationship with a virtuos woman, and find grace before our God. Thank you again.

    Good luck to you and, I'm here to help too!
     
  7. SickMexican

    SickMexican Fapstronaut

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    I really appreciate you trusting me with your experience man.
    Just as you, everyday is an internal battle for me, I think we will always struggle to overcome such adictions and flaws of ourselves, but I'm pretty sure we are on the right track.
    When you speak about kissing your girl now, I hear you brother, since I can feel really exited and hot-headed in a few seconds, but from those same words from you, I can only assume you have found someone who cares about you, and can stand right with you through those moments. It is glad to hear that step by step, you are becoming hole again man.

    Please, do not give up ok?! I just fell back on masturbating twice these past week, no porn though but my mind is still dirt and we all are in the process of cleaning. But just like you said, I am sure as hell that I'm not giving up, and I will keep trying to figure out the way to control my thoughts and master my passions.
    That my brother, I'm sure we can do, so don't let it put you down.

    Thank you again for your honest words. Good luck to you too!!!
     
  8. Kristian

    Kristian Fapstronaut

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    @SickMexican, thank you for your kind words. She doesn't know just yet about my addiction, but will find out when I'll feel prepared to let her know. I will never hide anything from her, as she's innocent and deserves nothing but the truth, no matter how unpleasant it may be. And even though she isn't aware just yet, she's one of the reasons for my fight.

    As for the giving up part, I can assure that I will do my best to keep myself away from PMO. I'm trying harder than ever before and I feel a lot more confident. If you relapsed, don't beat yourself down just yet, 'cause you can pick yourself up and fight harder. Trust me, I've been there, I've failed so many times that I can't even remember, but that's not stopping me from being here today and keep the battle ongoing. You can do it. Just figure out why are you quitting. It is very important. And whenever a craving comes up, repeat yourself those reasons. PE is one for me. Whenever I have a powerful urge, I think about PE and how I will never be able to develop a control on this issue when I'll make love to her. That thought alone is driving me crazy and pushes the craving away.

    Fight as you never fought before and each time you relapse (if it happens), fight even harder. Don't run away from your urges and don't hide - you can do it! If you ever need to talk, feel free to shoot me a message anytime.
     
  9. @SickMexican

    hello friend...what you said i completely understand.I too have been through the same things.I think PE is 90% by brain & 10% by body.It's a learned virtual stuff and we have to relearn it to natural ways.What i have heard is-having sex with a real girl is totally different from masturbating.It has a deep meaning.And by that way if we learn to enjoy that with our partner things will get better for sure as our body has a wonderful self curing mechanism,believe me!Sharing the real reason for PE and asking for help and support from your partner will further assist.
    Further based on my personal experience and reading a lot on this Great commuity-Nofap if you really want to improve fast and be clean,stop all fantasies,stop masturbation,stop porn and anything related to it,stop ejaculations of any kind for a while and see/realize the difference yourself.at first its quite tough,but experience it yourself an the decide whats better and im sure what will be your certain choice-abstinence(if you are single)!And if you have partner then just let her know everything and things will get easy itself.try it and enjoy it.
    Good Luck friend!
     

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