Porn when you have a real human!

I married a virgin. My wife never had much of a sex drive. She used to like sex once in a while, but when menopause started, her sex drive went down to zero. She only like missionary position PIV. No oral, no anal. I have to do all the work. She doesn't even know how to stimulate herself, let alone me. She never wears anything sexy. At least I don't have to worry about getting cucked.

 

My girlfriend is very sexually adventurous. For me it isn’t about missing anything sexually in my real life. The virtual side (porn) seems to be a means to escape from uncomfortable feelings and my inability to deal with them. It is far easier to feel better (very briefly) to lose myself in porn and orgasm than it is to address emotional issues and find ways of self soothing. In the long run though there is a serious cost to this. Loss of self esteem, increasing need for more taboo pornography due to decreased sensitisation which threatens my sexual identity. It becomes like self harm, masturbating to the point (and beyond) of injury due to increased confusion and diminished happiness. You can be lonely in a relationship but only if you don’t take the brave step to be vulnerable with your partner. It is far more risky to be truly yourself than it is to create a persona of what you think the person wants as the rejection would be very/too real. In all I think I have lived in fear of rejection and fear of fear itself. Now I refuse to give in as it may be easier but the right choice is always more challenging but ultimately more rewarding. I’m finding this even in the short time I have been active on here (5 days)
Peace.

 

Because sex addiction has nothing to do with whether or not you have someone else to be intimate with. It's a fallacy to believe a girlfriend or a wife will automatically cure addiction. I know because I believed that, and it worked for a little bit when I got married, but it didn't take long for my addiction to come roaring back with a vengeance because I never addressed the underlying issues that led me to addiction in the first place. Twelve years into my marriage and I'm just now coming to terms with that.

By addressing addiction and living a life of recovery, you'll find any future relationships to be far more satisfying and fulfilling. Entering any kind of relationship with unresolved sex addiction is not only damaging to the addict as it adds additional stress and emotions that can easily be escaped with addiction, but it will also do damage to the person you are in a relationship with. Recover first, and then you'll see clearly to enjoy the benefits of an intimate relationship.

 

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Once you start learning about SA you realize it has nothing to do with what you have in real life. For me, It’s also an issue that’s been developing since I was a kid. The addiction let’s you disconnect emotionally from the person that loves you the most and wants to physically be with you.

It’s in the brain and your head. You completely take them for granted.

I’m in my second month of full recovery - as in my wife knows - and I’ve realized what an idiot I’ve been to her. I wanted to love her back as much as she loved me but I feel I had no contol mentally. I couldn’t control it until I addressed it.