Porn/Webcam sites making me depressed and question my masculinity

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by CloudPalace, Jul 12, 2018.

  1. CloudPalace

    CloudPalace New Fapstronaut

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    I've been addicted to porn since I was 14 (now 20) and I'm a virgin, after regular porn lost its novel appeal to me I moved on to much weirder and outlandish categories that I wouldn't even necessarily find attractive - things like granny/bbw and eventually trannys/ladyboys. After this I felt pathetic as fuck so I gave up looking at porn for a while, relapsing maybe 2-3 weeks at a time (however wasn't masturbating and looking at porn as often).

    I found about sites like chatroulette and dirtyroulette and my addiction came back, sometimes I'd spend 4+ hours on these finds trying to catch a nut as these sites are mostly male dominated but you'd get lucky and find girls if you looked long enough. Recently I went a whole month off masturbation but tbh I wasn't doing anything that productive, just reading books, I told myself I'd go to the gym but my social anxiety really holds me back in that regard. Now I've been on these sites almost everyday, I'm so pathetic I don't even care if I'm masturbating to a man and I feel its really messed up my neuron wiring system and my reward system and it has me questioning my masculinity/sexuality - I don't find masculinity or men attractive but men that dress up and act feminine is what I have been masturbating to recently. It's like I have no self control or discipline and I'm that lonely that any human sexual activity will satisfy me.

    If any of you have been in my position, or not, please give me some advice on how to stop myself going on these sites and gain some self-discipline. Thanks.
     
    Flyhigh and Deleted Account like this.
  2. Jack of Clubs

    Jack of Clubs Fapstronaut

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    The most important sentence was: 'Recently I went a whole month off masturbation but tbh I wasn't doing anything that productive, just reading books, I told myself I'd go to the gym but my social anxiety really holds me back in that regard.'

    It takes practice and experience to be good at maximising your ups and minimising your downs. This one month was an up for you, but because you are inexperienced you didn't know what to do with it.
    Ask yourself what you would do differently if you tried to go a month free of masturbation.
    What kind of books were you reading? Maybe try reading a book that is more conducive to acquiring knowledge or improving a skill rather than fiction.

    Struggling with entering a gym is something that I suffered severely from as well, but overcoming that fear basically transformed me physically and mentally. Here's what you can do:
    - Do pushups at home, I'm sure you have a floor and a door you can close for privacy.
    - Order a basic dumbbell set online to get comfortable with, if you can't do this for whatever reason (other people living in the house could make you feel embarrassed) just use household objects
    - Find a smaller less commercial gym near you, they are usually less busy. If you are up at odd hours or have that as an option then find one that is also 24/7
    - If you are afraid of even entering the gym to organise a membership then try this trick: pretend you are someone else, let your eyes glaze over, go into a mode where you are suddenly a robot following commands, robots don't care what people think. This is a powerful trick that I used to use to overcome the fear of approach, now I just don't give a fuck anymore.
    - Go at quiet times such as the middle of the day or the middle of the night to warm yourself into working out around other people

    The reality is that its not that scary at all and once you get used to it you'll feel like an idiot for every being worried and not going sooner.

    I've focused only this part of your story because I think its what you should be focusing on the most too. 'How could I do this better', 'If I can't even start to do it, how could I work my way up to it' 'Is this good for me? if it is could I make it better?' etc
    You just don't miraculously change your life for the better by doing nothing, you need to honestly try and put in actual hard work, even if the best you can manage today is 20 pushups.
     
    Bubbles, Flyhigh and Deleted Account like this.
  3. fappedenough

    fappedenough Fapstronaut

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    I get the despair and although the advice above is harsh, it's also very true. I suffer from crippling depression but this is advice I regularly give myself.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. Thanks for your guys comments
     
  5. Don't be so hard on yourself. You have made some positive steps. One step at a time.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

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