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Porn prevents me loving my gf

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Shadow shadow, Feb 21, 2019.

  1. Shadow shadow

    Shadow shadow Fapstronaut

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    Constant porn abuse and desensitisation has made me see women more as objects than people. My girlfriend is perfect for me I wouldn’t ask for anybody else. However I have spikes were I don’t feel it emotionally and sexually as a result of porn. The constant availability to see naked women on the internet has led to seeing my girlfriend more as an object and sex bores me.

    Will NoFap help me with this issue, I don’t want to lose her because of porn dehumanising me in a way. Feeling empty
     
  2. The simple answer is yes.
    Welcome to the community. Read, learn and start making your plan.
    This is not easy, you will be in a battle with your own mind. But you can do it.
    If you love her, let her know, be open.
     
  3. this happened to me, i had a crush on a girl in my martial arts class for years, we finally got together eventually but after like 7 months of dating the porn really took effect, i started thinking how much better i could do, how she is not good enough for me, its true she did not know anything about affection, she never kissed me, hugged me, cuddled me hardly, so i felt very emotionally neglected, i looked at other girls and how they were all over their boyfriends and i wanted that so badly, thats what i always invisioned dating to be, i know that a lot of that thinking is scewed by porn, but i feel part of it is understandable.
     
  4. ghost731

    ghost731 New Fapstronaut

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    had a similar experience but I have never doubted my love for her, it was just a very self-centered and distant love where I cared but felt out of control about how my actions would hurt her. I was desensitized to emotional connection and projected that into resentment (for myself and for her). did not see that I treated her as an object, but it is obvious now. it was never about her not being good enough or boring, I never found her unattractive, but the availability and overstimulation of P damaged our intimacy. then, the betrayal and deception I committed to hide it broke her trust.

    to answer your question about dehumanizing: yes, at least I hope so, that's why I'm here also.
     
    Lilla_My likes this.
  5. this is proof that women dont care about how you view them as long as they are into you.
     
  6. My advice: care for your darling, share with her, love her and show that you love her.
    Quitting porn can be a long and difficult process so don't make the mistake to neglect her bc you think you must quit first.
    Of course: QUIT
    And don't think you're not worth her bc of your porn addiction. Nobody'
    s perfect.
     
    Amcho likes this.
  7. Harrynak

    Harrynak Fapstronaut

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    been there too man

    2 girls dumped me because of P use

    and it SUCKS
     
  8. RedHaired

    RedHaired Fapstronaut

    I'm in this situation too. Actually it has been weird. I engaged her for about 2 weeks. At a certain point, I did breakfast at her home, we started getting intimate and in the end I started thinking about PIED, about how my sexuality was confused and messed up. A day later my mind told me "do you really love her?". I feel into depression; started eating and drinking less, sleeping almost all day. When I was awake, I spent the time crying.
    Suddenly it was like if I weren't interested in her anymore. Obsessions came and from about two months they're not leaving. P played a main role in this. I won't bore you with my story; let's say that I'm having lots of problems with sexuality. I'm doing this path for her. If it was just me, as far as my depression brought me, I'd put an end to my life almost two months ago. Suddenly I discovered NoFap. A small light in a dark ocean. I don't feel like I love her, but I wouldn't be happy if she leaves me. I'd miss her. I'm aiming for a 90d reboot. From there I'll see.
     
  9. What you're experiencing is porn's ultimate poison and it's the reason why we're all here. Porn has turned others into objects just as it has turned us into robots. It's so dehumanizing! It's so tragic!
    But perhaps you can see these negative effects as a way of looking at the plausibly positive future you can if you get away from this stuff!
    Evaluation man!
    Porn=desensitization
    Love=Bliss, wonder, joy, strength, life!
    I know it's easier said than done to quit but choose love!
     
  10. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Yup. You can be normal again. Get rid of porn and you are going to be fine.

    7 months of dating and no kisses, no hugs and no cuddling? You haven't been dating her then, you have been seeing her as a friend.
    When you are dating, you should be kissing during the second or third date, ideally on the first. And as the man, it is your duty to initiate all of that. That isn't the woman's job. You want to cuddle and kiss? Then start touching her regularly on a date and look for strong eye contact, her biting her lips and playing with her hair and necklace a lot when talking to you, as well as regular smiling.
    Just come in closer and closer, look deep into her eyes and slowly grab her neck as you go in for the kiss.
    That is all your job, not hers.
    You can only ever really expect a girl to do that for you AFTER you already kissed and ideally also had (good) sex. What other thing would prompt her to do any of the above? You need to build the attraction first and then you can both benefit from it.
    The only guys where girls will initiate are model type of guys who are just having the looks necessary. And even with those, some women will never take the first step.
    If you want all of what you stated above, you better be aware that you have to make all of that happen. Not her : )
     
  11. trust me i am the one who always initiated it, ofcourse she would do it but that is bullshit about the man having to initiate things.
     
  12. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    In the beginning? With a good looking, high quality woman? If you aren't tall and really, really good looking yourself? I have yet to meet a good looking woman who likes initiating anything at the start. Of course there are girls and woman out there doing that. But for the vast majority, i would guess they want the man to initiate and take responsibility.

    So you did kiss, hug, cuddle and have sex, and what you are upset about is that she never initiated it on her own?
    There are two things i would do
    1) Tell her outright to do those things because you don't want to be the person doing it the whole time
    2) Stop giving her affection at all. Be really nice and tease her, but never touch or kiss her.

    But i have had this experience already. A girl will usually only initiate if she is comfortable and really into the guy.
    You can try, but it's pointless in my eyes. I already talked to a girl who was really into someone else. They will do that.
    But only for the right guy. If she is never doing that for you, i would seriously question the relationship, telling her that i am unhappy and i prefer to find someone where the affection is mutual. Good bye
     
  13. sublimesublim

    sublimesublim Fapstronaut

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  14. sublimesublim

    sublimesublim Fapstronaut

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    i totally disagree. I don't think the answer is trying to initiate sex or connection with a woman. it only leads to object desire and high probability of rejection. if a girl is interested or intrigued by you, she is going to let you know, not necessarily by initiating anything but by body language, eye contact and cue's like that. A man doesn't have to do nothing, except be his natural self, without the fapping and addictions and lethargy that comes with it. A girl can smell subconsciously a healthy man vs an unhealthy chronic fapper.
     
  15. trust me i tried to make things different, and she was not exactly good looking.
     
  16. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Why the heck did you date her for 7 months?
     
  17. I was in lust not love, also it was 11 months.
     
  18. Everyone in this thread is so consumed by the outwardly. Don't worry, humans are naturally looking for self-gratification. It honestly angers me that people talk this way about gfs and bfs. If you consider someone else more beautiful than them, why date the person in the first place?
     
    ReclaimedLife likes this.
  19. ProtagonistOfMyLife

    ProtagonistOfMyLife Fapstronaut

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    It's great that you are seeing the issue on your own man. Yes, I am 100% sure that nofap will help you love your girlfriend as a human being rather than only a sexual being again.
     
    TheNewestCreation likes this.

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