Porn or masturbation addiction leads to cheating?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Lost in cycles, Jul 8, 2019.

Has anyone else cheated, living out a porn scene?

  1. Yes

    5 vote(s)
    45.5%
  2. No

    6 vote(s)
    54.5%
  1. Lost in cycles

    Lost in cycles Fapstronaut

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    Hi,
    Not sure if this is the right forum, still a noob.
    Recently, got dumped, deservingly so I think. I cheated on my gf and waited a week before confessing, and only confessed after she read a message on my phone. The chat wasn't sexual or anything,me just telling the other party I don't know why I gave in and that it was hella awkward.
    And while, we had our issues in the rship, as most do,it was mostly great, many happy moments..kinda felt she wasn't into me at times..but that's a different story....
    Any way,
    Since then, I've been trying to figure out just that, why I gave in. The other woman meant nothing to me,I wasn't pursuing her or anything like that. She wasn't hot nor my 'type'. I went over to help repair a computer, she offered sex, saying she just masturbated but wasn't satisfied and asked what I was gonna do about it and next thing we were having sex. Straight out of one of those bang your neighbor scenes. It felt exactly like that,like me loading a porn video, masturbating and then that was that. I didn't even feel like I cheated,just that I masturbated. 5 mins and we were done..wasn't hot and steamy, just one organ into another organ.. like I said, I didn't even feel like I cheated, Until a few minutes after the act. I was sick to my stomach, even threw up and was more concerned with what my significant other was going to do once I confessed than the actual stupidity of the deed. We used protection but still..just stupid...my gf and I at that time was like a week into a good place,no drama,nothing...
    This is partly what prompted me to seek out help for my porn and masturbation issues. I don't want to be a cheater, and this happened so easily.. lack of will power to stop the act as I have had lack of will power to .
    Inot masturbate. I've tried rebooting several times but keep failing. I think part of it is the environment I work in. We use WhatsApp and messengers for instance,at work, to share information,but my coworkers would often post video clips of porn etc. Almost on a daily basis, I've blocked some individuals,but then it's tolerated in the workgroup chats as well. So it seems I can't get away from this constant bombardment of porn.
    Any ideas on how to avoid these would be welcomed.
    Also, has anyone else had this...cheating to addiction kind of link?
    I've read a few posts which say that masturbating is like cheating on your significant other, I tend to agree...but this has come as a surprise to me, the 'physical' cheating, for lack of better wording... and I think it was so easily done because I wanted to live out those vids I've been getting off to.
    Heeeelllppp..I am single, but want the marriage and family life thing...but this damn fapping, can't seem to keep a rship for more than a yr or two. But I believe it's the root cause of my deviant behaviour and jeed to stop ASAP. Most times after I masturbate, I feel so upset with myself, but I also feel distant and withdrawn from my significant other for a few days, weeks etc. Which is why I try not to do so, but sometimes I have to satisfy my urges my self you know.
     
    Jake n Bake likes this.
  2. Tryinghardtoquit2

    Tryinghardtoquit2 Fapstronaut

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    Hi mate.

    I'm 37. Porn led me down a path that ended up in me doing all sorts of things that I am not proud of.

    Over a number of years my behaviour worsened and really shifted my boundaries as to what I thought was acceptable. My porn use eventually escalated to a point where I was just acting out on autopilot at great personal cost to my headspace and marriage cheating on my wife etc.

    Anyway all that shit is behind me. I'm 3ish years down the path now and moving away from porn everyday.

    It can be done. Start with a reboot. Get some perspective on your use and work your way through the forums.

    We have all done regretable things in pursuit of dopamine and orgasms.

    Time to regroup, get your shit together and get over this addiction.

    All the best mate
     
  3. The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger Fapstronaut

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    Not for me. Been at it since the age of eight, soon thirty years. It is indeed a destructive habit that leads me further and further along the swamp of dopamine triggering websites. It is certainly not something truthful and faithful to SO. But the cliff is wide for me to engage in, as you call it, physical cheating. I think it’s from case to case. Depending on your personality and circumstances.

    Good luck to you!
     
  4. Hi!

    I went low enough to use a chat via a fetish forum (nothing extreme) to get pics from other girls and discuss the fetish and so on, never had cam sex or such and I never had the intention to do so either.
    I did it simply because i didnt dare being honest about my fetish
    I wouldnt really be bothered if my SO did the same, i told her about it all as I felt like shit for using those chats , however "dirty chatting" is not cheating to any of us, but I dont want to return to it now after like 170 days free :)

    We are today engaged and never to fall back :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 8, 2019
  5. 1dayattatime

    1dayattatime Fapstronaut

    Well i have some stories that are kind of similar to yours. I would ask you a couple questions.

    1. Do you really think porn is your core issue? This was not the case for me or anyone i know with a good amount of sobriety. Porn is a bandaid. You must find what you need the bandaid for.

    2. Why do you need to satisfy your own urges? I was a 2 or 3 time a day masturbater for years and i can tell you that there are times where i go weeks without now. It is not necessary. If you figure out the real reason for your urges then you will find that you do not need PMO to take care of yourself.
     
  6. Lost in cycles

    Lost in cycles Fapstronaut

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    Hmm,
    Thanks for responding. I've been thinking along the same lines. My access to porn and lifestyle ,(I'm alone,or by myself alot) make it easy for me to use porn and masturbation as an outlet. But haven't quite figured out for what yet...I do it if I'm bored, if I'm stressed ...sometimes I am not even horny, the opportunity arises so I go do it.
    I'm thinking perhaps it's a bandaid for lack of self control? Lack of sense of purpose or direction? Haven't figured that part out yet.

    2. Why I need to satisfy my own urges?... Uhm... Most times I am single or in between yet another failed rship, but these past few years,I've had rships with women whose sex drive isn't quite matched up to mine, or distance causes us to be apart for significAnt amount of time...so in order to not cheat physically, I used it to satisfy my urges while my partner was not accessible.
    This last rship, we were fine, as it wasn't long distance and our sex life seemed healthy...then the frequency started dropping and I brought it up for conversation a few times, we spoke and moved on but then 8 months in, sex life was good and growing,rship progressing nicely etc . my then gf says she wants to stop, the sex before marriage . That threw me for a loop, as I felt it was yet another thing she brought up to create distance between us (I had felt she wasn't as committed as I was)...
    I asked all sorts of questions..like if it was a ploy to get me to marry her sooner etc. If she wasn't attracted to me any more..my mind was racing for about a month. Then I reluctantly agreed as we were both Christians...it was the 'right' thing to do. But it broke sth inside me...again I started up again to try satisfy my urges...and a few months later the autopilot like cheating...
    Now I'm not saying that's a reason for cheating but it really broke me..broke my NoFap streak..even if it was just no porn and masturbation and not a full pmo....
    But like my name says...this has been a repetitive kind of cycle..where I end up having to satisfy my self because of lack of a partner... I don't even consider long distance rships now...but even then crap happens..no matter how open i try to be with my SO about my desires there...abd my drive isn't too bad.once or twice every two weeks is fine..if I know I have access then I don't even have to as often.. I'm weird I guess...
    I spent 17years in another country where healthy sex life as part of a rship was the given...even did the friends with benefits thing for a while...moving back home, the culture is a bit more...hush hush I think, so I expected the difference but this last one just got me sooo confused,even now while trying to recover from it.
     
  7. Lost in cycles

    Lost in cycles Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, very encouraging... I cheated this once and tried explaining to my ex but she didn't want to try again so you're lucky you got someone so understanding man. Congrats.
    But do you get her support on trying to not relapse now?
     
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  8. Lost in cycles

    Lost in cycles Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for responding, have you tried other less frowned upon means to get the dopamine fix? A friend has suggested sticking to a good exercise routine and better diet... I'm lazy,but willing to try almost anything to help kick this..
     
  9. Thanks buddy, yea I am lucky, but I would also be forgiving if it was her Who did it.

    Yes she does, and I have no urges anymore :)
     
  10. 1dayattatime

    1dayattatime Fapstronaut

    Awesome reaponse man. It feels like a prison sometimes on the journey. My story is a bit different than yours, but i spemt the better part of 2 years separated from my SO. either just living as roomates or not living in the house. During that time i wrestled with these same feelings you have. My answers to those questions are a bit different. I learned a lot about my brain and decided that i needed to stop PMO completely for a time to allow my brain to change. It took 2 years for me to really notice a huge difference in my thoughts. I know that sounds like a long time. But i feel like i woke up in an amazing way in just the last few months. At some point we started having sex again last year. And now i can actually tell when i have feelings and usually i can articulate them. For me PMO covered most of my emotions. I was numb.

    I know that your story will be different than mine, but maybe there are some similarities for you. I used to identify as christian. It was too confusing for me once i started focusing on my recoverybut maybe i will go back. I feel like i get more genuine community on nofap then i ever did at church
     

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