Porn messing with my life and my story.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Jack Fornettte, Jan 8, 2018.

  1. Jack Fornettte

    Jack Fornettte New Fapstronaut

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    hey all,

    I’m 18 now and I started watching porn at a very young age. Probably around 3rd of 4th grade, pretty much right when I got my first iPod Touch. At first it started off with regular heterosexual videos. But what I realize now is I used to just watch... not even fap at first but just watch it to watch because I didn’t even know what sex really was. It skewed my reality iof sex from a young age and amazingly I’ve come to realize that a relationship isnt all about sex and women should be treated as queens and aren’t just sex objects. Porn has also caused me a lot of stress and performance anxiety in my life and has lead me to have a lot of self conscious problem. Including what I believe is HOCD. I’m ready to make a change. After all the years the catagories became more and more intense until I started watching the one category that I feared most. Gay. Now I smoke weed regularly. Most of the time I’m fine but sometimes when I go home late at night (I’m talking 2-3 am) from hanging out with my boys who I have no sexual attraction to at all. I find myself getting crazy urges to watch gay porn. I Workout a lot and have a nice body so I look for muscular dudes because all the other vids are just scornny gays which I don’t have any porn Fettishes for. I do not consider myself gay at all and I don’t have a problem with gay people either. I get so into just finding different videos it’s alsmot like I’m not even watching just the excitement of clicking around gets me hard as a rock. However after i reach orgasm I immediately hate it shut the screen, feel disgusting, and really hate myself for days until the images fade a little from my head. I believe I’ve developed HOCD too. I’ll usually go a week saying “wtf is wrong with me and how could I be doing this” but when I continue to smoke late at night I sometimes end up finding myself in front of my computer. It gets so bad that I’ll even find myself in gay video chat rooms.
    I know I’m not gay because when I go out all I think about it girls and my addiction doesn’t even cross my mind. However when I’m with my self I can’t control my thoughts and it’s really driving me crazy. I’ll get “ur gay” thought and immediately followed by “not ur fucking not” or just some what to battle it. It doesn’t bother me that much because deep down I feel like I recognize my sexuality as a heterosexual. I guess my question is... is all this gay shit a fettish caused by years of exposure to porn? And what steps should I take first because I can’t take this anymore.

    Thanks guys for the feed back,
     
  2. I don’t know about your question. But I was the same as you and gradually I had less and less shame about what type of porn I used. Then I kind of just “accepted” that I looked at porn of solo guys or young with old making out and even worse. I think porn changes you. Quitting porn changes us back I really really hope.
     
    Jack Fornettte likes this.
  3. Eypra

    Eypra Fapstronaut

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    I'm 14, I don't really watch porn and don't plan to. I just fap on a regular basis due to the hormones going crazy in puberty. So I've joined this site too. I feel you bro even though I don't watch porn but I understand you completely
     
  4. Jack Fornettte

    Jack Fornettte New Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man remember everything in moderation. If I could go back an never watch it I would.
     
  5. Eypra

    Eypra Fapstronaut

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    I have seen porn and have jacked off to it but then I stopped immediately after 2 days as I realized I could get into some deep crap if I carried on so I stopped. I'm on day 4 without PMO and plan to carry the streak on. Porn is a very addictive soueven of pleasure and we're all here together
     
  6. soberhenry

    soberhenry Fapstronaut

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    I wish I would have stopped when I was your age. Imagine 17 more years of it damging your brain. On the other hand, I have read posts from guys here in their 50's who wish they would have stopped when they were my age. So... better late than never I guess.
     
  7. One of the ways I got involved with the fellowship was by reading some really great journals.

    I've included journals from all age groups, spiritual members, religious members, secular members, male and female. You should find journals that help. If not, look around, there are hundreds of others from which to choose. When I say "it works if you work it", reading journals is part of that work.

    Once you open a journal, click "Watch Thread" in the upper right of the page to get alerts when new posts are made. Here are just a few:

    @DavidGibson Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143325/
    ---
    @Euklid Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/146663/
    ---
    @LilD Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/147764/
    ---
    @BreatheDeeply Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/139097/
    ---
    @LiquidShoes Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/134044/
    ---
    @Reverent Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143845/
    ---
    @zakes Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/149243/
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    @Former_CD Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/87827/
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    @PatrickR Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/139570/
    ---


    There are many more, and you can discover them on your own. But, these are great places to start.

    This is a work in progress. So, if a journal has changed or is no longer active, look around there are some amazing journals on here.

    - L
     

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