Porn Makes You a Worse Person

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by VitoMisto, Sep 22, 2017.

  1. VitoMisto

    VitoMisto Fapstronaut

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    For me, at least, it led me to do some really ugly things.

    In real life, I juggled 3 jobs- sales, spent a dull service job as I finished my qualifications, and care for a disabled relative. That doesn't leave a lot of room to let out stress. You have to be brave and strong, and gracious when someone spits in your face, and never expect to get any immediate reward, or to have anyone care as much as you do. A lot of delayed gratification, and a lot of frustration, and porn took up time I could have used on constructive outlets.

    Porn messes up how you see women- the "madonna/whore complex" really is a thing. In real life, I'm a feminist ally, and try to be the best man I can be. You think you can play different characters, but you're really just finding other parts of yourself.

    A couple relationships that didn't work out, and that was hard for a bit, but fine. A really stressful period of 90-hour workweeks and getting asked out followed by date plans that never got off the ground, ultimately ending in a soft "no without saying no" rejection. I felt led on and really bitter.

    I didn't see the connection at the time, nor the distortion, but I wanted to make someone hurt like I did.

    I've catfished people on porn sites before- it started with having alt accounts so if I get blocked by someone I could invent a new character to talk to someone with. Some were downright funny- one older woman with a cougar/cub fetish thing asked to see pictures of my junk. I never showed it. What she didn't catch was that I sent her 4 pictures of "my" junk but each one of the 4 was from a different person! My excuse was that I was doing this to build up my own self confidence and I could stop at any time.

    But as with the rest of porn, it's never enough. I needed to really tear someone down to heal my own pain.

    Behind many, if not most dommes, "findom goddesses" especially, is a weak, scared, sad, and vulnerable person, trying to act out a fantasy they can never live out in real life. The softening bellies and cottage cheese thighs stuffed into glossy PVC two sizes too small, pigeon toes crammed into clear high heels, the wrong shade of hooker red lipstick, clumpy pale foundation applied like spackling, and an army of "paypigs", some of whom had spent of thousands of dollars on these goddesses. I saw the proverbial blood in the water.

    There was one I got close to without paying a thing- all you really have to do is ask the right questions and give the right compliments. I roleplayed the most perfectly pliable young foot slave wannabe paypig. I'm not into any of that in real life, but this was Pornland. When the target is someone so fundamentally insecure, they give up a lot about their real self. Everything I told her was a lie- from my body to my desire to spoil her with everything she wanted because she was so unlike the boring, superficial women in my life. Told her I just wanted to hold her and make her feel special without spending a dime too. It was a pump and dump scam.

    She confided in me that she was in an unhappy marriage- husband was mad at her because she didn't work, and spent all day verbally jerking off pathetic manchildren on the internet, lying about how much she made at it and didn't do fuck all around the house.

    I told her he was right. What kind of sicko sits at home reading out disgusting fantasies
    including rape and incest, and both
    to pathetic losers and is actually surprised when their flesh and blood husband isn't thrilled about it? I told her that she really wasn't so different from those other camwhores. She was shocked that I would turn on her like that after being so supportive, that why would I do that now, I was so sweet and never asked for freebies like other guys who put on a sweet act do, and that she was crying. I asked her if she would like me to buy her a box of tissues off her Amazon wishlist. Then I blocked her.

    Why did I waste my time in a calculated effort to hurt someone? It didn't do anything to ease the other pain I was feeling. It's psycho behavior, and part of the porn escalation process. What would come next if I didn't get out?
     
  2. Plutonium

    Plutonium Fapstronaut

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    I think you pretty much answered it yourself. You're currently a "weak, scared, sad, and vulnerable person" smh.

    First thing to do - jot down the details of the people you seriously burned, like the poor housewife in the example you just described. As part of your healing process you will contact each of them one by one and offer them a heartfelt apology. They are real people too, and don't deserve to be treated that way.

    Second thing - who cares what would come next? Where you are right now is bad enough!

    Third thing - the good news is you've come to the right place. There are some great people on this site who can help you get through this and to change and become a better person. You need to get off that porn ASAP and re-engage with real life...

    Good luck!
     
  3. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    you're not alone. porn has made me do stuff i regret. i was even suicidal once. thankfully my porn addiction has reduced a lot.
    this time i saw porn after 20 days which is good for me.
     
  4. VitoMisto

    VitoMisto Fapstronaut

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    I know I am. That's why I did it.

    I just apologized and I almost relapsed in the process. The feeling of making yet another burner email and character... Not gonna lie, I was hard and I wanted a release right there and then. I just apologized and deleted my profile and burner email again.
     

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