Porn is all I have

Buddhabro · Jan 23, 2017

Kalito said: ↑

The pursuit of happiness is the mammals way to motivate action out of suffering. You feel lonely not because you are alone, but because your brain wants something that it doesn't have. The feeling of loneliness is not inherently bad, it is completely neutral. What creates suffering is the evaluation of the feeling, not the feeling itself.

Let's look at it from a psychoevolutionary perspective. For an organism to survive in a hostile enviroment it needs to avoid both injury and disease. For this to happen, the organism needs a cognitive system in place that creates the actions that lead to the desired result, in this example the avoidance of injury and disease. First, the organism needs tools to spot situations that might cause injury and death. As human beings we are equipped with one of the most advanced visual and auditory systems evolution came up with. We can see the cliff that would lead us to death, and we can hear dangerous predators sneaking up on us. Furthermore we smell fire and rotten food, and we can feel the cold of the winter or insects crawling on our skin.
But what are all these tools of use if we don't know what to do with the information? Well, luckily we do know what to do. We have the most complex system of neurons that is capable to simulate an entire world for us. All the information that our sensory organs collect is transported to our brain, where it is reformed into what we call reality. Everything you belief is real, everything you feel and think, all of it, even time and space, is merely a simulation of our brain.
In this simulation the sensory information is processed and evaluated in an extremely complex manner, so that we can distinguish between a bear and a leaf, or between cold and warm. Once the basic simulation is established, we reevaluate the information in a more specified way, here we create feelings corresponding to certain aspects of the simulation. For example, the sensory information coming from the hand indicates extreme heat, the mind then creates the feeling of pain. But of what use is the feeling pain? Well, for now, it just is what it is, a feeling. It's another set of information that gets transfered to another system of the brain that yet again needs to evaluate the information.
Here comes the essential part: This system here naturally evaluates pain as a state that is undesirable, it immediately creates a desire to stop that feeling. The desire now creates the action, in this case the pulling away of the hand from the flame to avoid injury of the hand. There are expections to this, which we call masochists, whose evaluation happens differently. They feel the same pain, but simply enjoy it. The feeling pain does not feel good or bad, it's the evaluation that either creates suffering or pleasure.
The organism is not avoiding the injury or the pain, it is simply acting on a desire that is not yet met, in this case a very strong desire to make a certain state go away, the state of pain. It evolved this way because this is how you ensure the survival of the organism. You feel fear so you know when you have to run. You feel anger so you know when you have to attack. You feel sadness so you know when to preserve energy. You feel hunger so you know when to eat. You feel weakness so you know when to sleep. And of course, you feel lonely so you know when you have to go out and find a mate.

Loneliness exists to ensure reproduction. It is an undesirable state because those organism who were alone and didn't care, simply didn't reproduce. Those who did feel lonely and found a partner did reproduce. Of course being alone also decreases the chances of survival, which is the reason why empathy evolved within the human being. We feel for each other so we help each other, so we are able to survive.

Alright, let's move from Psychoevolution 101 to more practical terms. You have multiple ways to reduce suffering in your case. One is to find a partner which will relief you of the feeling loneliness (and that's a catch 22, which I'll get into later on). A second one is to change the second evaluation or processing of the information, so the one that either creates the feeling of loneliness. This is indeed possible You don't feel lonely merely because you are alone. When you are alone on the toilet you don't feel lonely, you only feel lonely when you think about being all alone, and miserable and unloved. So the feeling loneliness is a result of your thoughts, training yourself to control your thoughts will eventually result in the complete lack of loneliness.
The third and most powerful way is to tackle the third evaluation process, the one that evaluates the feelings themselves. So, you might feel lonely, but you won't have any negative evaluations. You won't have the desire to "make the feeling go away". You can even start to enjoy the feeling of loneliness if you get really good at it, similar to the masochist. And that you can do with any feeling at all. Sadness, anger, love, hatred and so on. These feelings serve the purpose to create certain desires of actions. You can amplifiy any of the desires and you can dumb down any of them. This method is so powerful because you cannot always control your feelings. Sometimes you simply get angry, and other times you simply might get sad. But now imagine those feelings would be simply there, but you wouldn't care about them whatsoever? You'd just have them as raw input, knowing that you now feel angry, but not having any desire to act on it, not even to make it go away.

Why is this much more efficient then doing everything with method 1? Well, there are a few problems with method one. If you'll try to get a girlfriend in your state, you'll be needy. You'll be needy because you need a girlfriend to be happy. Yet, neediness is the most unattractive trait a human being can have. Kind of a catch 22. If you really need a girlfriend, you won't get one. But if you don't need one whatsoever, you will be able to get one. But then again, you won't need one, so why would you get one? Well, the world is more nuanced than that, and of course if there are two needy people, they will settle for what they can get, and that usually leads to horrible codependent relationships. But the point is, before you want to get a girlfriend, you'll need to stop being needy about it. And that means becoming happy without having a girlfriend.

For that you can use method 2 and 3. Instead of getting what your desire tells you to get in the external world, you simply work on your internal world. You change your psychology. Once you do that, you will be happy, without needing a girlfriend. And then, you'll probably find a girlfriend. A needy person hardly ever can be authentic because all his actions are the result of his unhappiness. He tries to find a girlfriend because he is unhappy, and he expects another person to make them happy.

Basicly, you are trapped, like most of the worlds population, in the endless pursuit of external validation. You have the desire to masturbate, your body wants to satisfy that desire and you go and do it. The desire is gone, and you feel happy, but the problem here is that the brain is designed to create desires. You get a big car, for a moment you are satisfied, but rather soon you'll want more. Now why is that? Because that is simply an efficient way to survive in a hostile enviroment. If you build your shelter and you are satisfied, you won't have as much chance of survival as Joe who is not satisfied with one shelter, but instead builds two of them. Infact, Joe is still not satisfied, he'll go and get provisions for the winter. And then Joe is still not satisfied, he'll make himself a nice and comfortable pelt. But Joe is still not satisfied!
Do you now realize the problem? Joe will never be satisfied, because he is NOT supposed to be satisfied. The brain is literally designed to not be satisfied with the situation. That is why rich people get more and more greedy, and why famous people are extremely rarely happy. And this is also the reason why buddhist monks are happy. They see the trap, they have seen the trap thousands of years ago, and they have developed one of the most efficient ways to train the brain in a way so it is able to take control of this process.

Today we live in an enviroment that is simply not designed for the human being. 20.000 years ago Joe was pretty happy with his life, because the ratio of unsatisfaction and satisfaction was well balanced. Why? Well, because the brain evolved within that enviroment. The problem we face today is that the enviroment changed rapidly, but the brain is still at the stage it was a few thousand years ago. Nowadays the goals are simply impossible to meet. Other Joe 20.000 years ago was happy when he had a family he could protect. He was actually happy, much more so than most of the modern population. Even with disease, danger, death and all the lack of technology, Joe was happier. Because Joes fucking brain was designed to be happy in that exact enviroment. Joe didn't have Angelina Jolie to compare himself to. Joe didn't have to watch how Bill Gates collects billions of dollars while he is living in a shithole. Joe didn't have shit to compare himself to. Joe was Bill Gates. Joe really thought he was one of the wealthiest person on the planet, because there was nobody else around but the few people in his tribe.

Now, if we go about life as Joe would, we will fail. There is simply no way to win this game, unless you actually join a tribe. But even for that it's to late because cultural indoctrination ruined your psyche on so many levels that you'd have to fix yourself first anyways.

Alright, now let's get to the solutions. How the fuck does Joe actually become happy among Bill Gates and Angelina Jolie? Well, he might be smart enough to realize that the problem lies in his cognition. That infact, every problem he has in his life is the result of his cognition. Because remember? Everything Joe thinks exists is literally a simulation of his brain.
Now, Joe is a very smart man. He will go out and actually buy himself some books on this topic. Joe will research the shit out of how to become happy. Joe will realize that happiness is literally the lack of suffering caused by unfulfilled desires. Joe will meditate every single day for the rest of his life. Joe might even attend some courses on spirituality, psychology and self-improvement. Hell, in a few years Joe will preach this shit to other people and make a living on it.

Joe is happy. Be Joe.
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Outstanding comments Kalito!!!
I really appreciate it. I'm well educated and a Buddhist, but in the midst of my pain and perceived suffering, I literally lose my mind! lol
You didn't write all this out for me did you?
Thank you very much!

Kalito · Jan 23, 2017

Buddhabro said: ↑

Outstanding comments Kalito!!!
I really appreciate it. I'm well educated and a Buddhist, but in the midst of my pain and perceived suffering, I literally lose my mind! lol
You didn't write all this out for me did you?
Thank you very much!
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I did. Teaching is a good way to solidfy concepts or to remind oneself of them, and of course to help. Sadly, it's only those who suffer most who usually end up freeing themselves from it.

Buddhabro · Jan 23, 2017

Kalito said: ↑

I did. Teaching is a good way to solidfy concepts or to remind oneself of them, and of course to help. Sadly, it's only those who suffer most who usually end up freeing themselves from it.
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This was a cogent and coherent comment that I will refer to often and (if you don't mind) pass on. Thanks again Kalito

Buddhabro · Jan 25, 2017

vibemaker said: ↑

It sounds like one of these "how to become a millionair in 5 minutes" ads, but it's really that easy how @JustinX said. I know it's hard, but you have to trust in this. Especially the moments, when you feel like a loser and DON'T give in watching porn make you grow. It's a long road. And the pill won't throw things at you. But it gives you the fundament to do whatever you want.

Stand up for yourself, do it because you're worth it! You're a cool guy and you deserve a happy life! And fuck all those bitches and people who tell you you're not.
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So what's all the talk of a pill?

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