Porn Induced Vs Genuine Arousal?

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Ginny Weasley, Dec 28, 2018.

  1. Ginny Weasley

    Ginny Weasley Fapstronaut

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    Hiya,

    So all throughout my journey I’ve seen different stages of desperation and rubbish my brain has tried to pull, but one I truly can’t figure out is how do I know the current randiness I feel is natural or just another trap laid by my brain?

    Naturally one will be quite randy when quitting P and especially MO, and I haven’t had sex in months so I could properly reboot as I have issues in the bedroom... But all I can think about is shagging my partner, he turns me on more than ever now which I can’t help, and the thing is I haven’t gotten aroused or had any urges now by literally anything other than thinking of my bf and the thought of us doing it.

    How does one know if it’s real and not still porn induced? I would be miffed finding out it was just because my brain still wanted it’s dopamine fix, and then having to bloody well deal with the chaser effect. So If any of you lasses have rebooted far enough to figure out this answer or have some good insight into this, please let me know!

    Cheers.
     
  2. you are overthinking this. go have sex with your bf. Who cares. if it feels right, it is right. as long as it works, everything is ok. People here only want to tell you that sex is bad.
     
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  3. Ginny Weasley

    Ginny Weasley Fapstronaut

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    Huh? Nobody at all says sex is bad and nor am I overthinking anything, not to mention you missed the entire point of this thread.

    No offence but I’m mainly asking women their perspective.
     
  4. cranks175

    cranks175 Fapstronaut

    ineresting thoughts... i ll think about that
     
  5. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Dear Ginny Weasley,

    You explicitly stated "...I'm mainly asking women their perspective...", so I'm going to "explicitly" ask you if you care for my perspective?
     
  6. Ginny Weasley

    Ginny Weasley Fapstronaut

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    I would prefer women because mentally both sexes aren’t the same and porn effects us in different ways, so I don’t know how men deal with it vs women. But as long it’s not “just do it” I don’t mind, it’s an actual concern for me seeing as I’ve never had a healthy mind around sex and I don’t know if I’m ready.

    I’ve obviously had sex when I was doing PMO, so that really messed me up and I guess it also turned into some sort of sex addiction, not to mention P got really intertwined in my head when we made love so I’m trying to untangle the bloody mess I put myself in years ago. I don’t know what is real or just a desperate cry for dopamine, because I don’t want to feed it if it’s not real.
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2018
  7. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Very well. I'll abstain. If you ever change your mind, just reach out and ping me, and I'll respond. Best of luck!
     
  8. Ginny Weasley

    Ginny Weasley Fapstronaut

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    You don’t have anything to offer? Surely you have something more than just go for it. Because I said women were preferred and not mandatory, it’s nothing against men either. :/
     
  9. Drock989

    Drock989 Fapstronaut

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    ginny, I being a man am also having the same struggle with my s.o, I strongly feel like my p habit is whipped, have not touched it in about 6 months, I am to struggling with trying to decide what is a natural urge and what might be my mind playing games, I've always been very affectionate to my s.o, and it's very hard not to be, I don't have much to say as advice goes,

    but stay strong, we'll figure it all out one day
     
    Ginny Weasley likes this.
  10. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Sorry, I missed that part. I misread it.
    I don't know the length of your sobriety, but this...
    All of this is not so bad if you've gone through recovery work. Your focus is on him. But I do caution you to focus on intimacy, and not on "...shagging my(your) partner..." If all you are thinking about with him is this, then that presents a problem and rest assured, it is not what you are after. But if you are thinking about all the intimacy that makes a healthy sexual relationship possible, then your on the right track. So ask yourself this question. Do I think about only having sex with him? Or do I think about so many other components of our relationship equally as much or more? Sex is a byproduct of intimacy. Not vice versa. Vice versa is generally addiction. One night stands are generally addiction. Make sense?
    When you're thinking about sex with your bf, is that it? Are you feeling the emotional connectivity, that overwhelming butterfly feeling you get when you love someone, that feeling that only comes with "Wow, I could literally spend the rest of my life with this man" feeling? Or are you feeling "I'd just like to fuck his brains out and have an orgasm (to be blunt about it)"? I think if you evaluate it objectively, take into consideration your longevity of sobriety, you'll have your answer. But only you know how you feel.
    This statement stands out to me! It stands on it's own merit. Depending on your length of sobriety, and what has transpired up until now would make a big difference on how I interpret it. But the way you've presented it, I think you already have your answer. If you do proceed, proceed cautiously and mindfully. Make sure you stay present and if your mind steers away from it, take a step back.
     
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  11. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    6 months is 120 days. Your counter says 45. Which is it?
     
  12. Drock989

    Drock989 Fapstronaut

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    have not looked at p for 6 months, nor do I have any urges to, I m'd without o 45 days ago if you must know, but that is not the topic here, we are trying to decipher natural from induced urges, I myself am struggling with the topic aswell, and would like to also see if anyone has advice on the said topic
     
    Ginny Weasley likes this.
  13. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    That's fine. I just wanted to understand the discrepancy.
     
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  14. Ginny Weasley

    Ginny Weasley Fapstronaut

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    Well, I’d say I’ve gotten more physical with him lately and a desire to be more intimate such as snogging and just touching him. Well, I notice I get randy whenever I’m intimate now as opposed to before, but I remember before even though I was months sober I wasn’t ready and had those feelings of feeling dirty and depression after O’ing.

    I really don’t know, it feels different than before but I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to feel like as I’ve been an addict all my life. I would hate to get into the moment and find out I wasn’t ready... If I started P later in life I would have at least had a clue as to how I should feel naturally vs my current addict brain.
     
  15. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Just remember, "...those feelings of feeling dirty and depression after O'ing..." should all go away with Intimacy. Because now, you're orgasm is a healthy one grounded in intimacy and not in pixels. Here, take a look at this for an explanation of why...
    Chemistry Class: A Lesson in Brain Chemistry
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/chemistry-class-a-lesson-in-brain-chemistry.195935/
    You know how when you injure a body part, say you break your arm, and you go through the healing process, and after six weeks, the doctors says "you're good to go"? Well, you're healing your brain. And you've done a marvelous job. It too is a body part. Like you would when you first start reusing your arm, do the same thing with your newly healed brain. Take it slow. Take it one step at a time. If it doesn't feel right, back off, re-evaluate, make adjustments, and try it again. It's like learning how to ride a horse. You fall off, you get back up on the saddle, and you go again. Take your sex to an intimate level in small steps. You'll get there. And when you have a sexual relationship grounded in intimacy, I assure you, you'll never want anything else.
     
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  16. Ginny Weasley

    Ginny Weasley Fapstronaut

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    That’s true and thank you for the response, it has helped me distinguish some things such as tricks and traps that are still affecting me.

    While I realise that a lot of folks think that in a couple of months you’re “cured”, that’s usually not the case. Not to mention it usually takes way longer than that if you’ve been severely affected/addicted. There’s no denying that staying away from porn is a good thing, but you can’t just sit there and wait, you have to change yourself and put in the work. So in my case, I’m trying to build (essentially from the ground up) our intimacy and closeness together, while sex becomes second priority.

    For me so far if I’m getting sexual urges they seem to be for the most part a need for dopamine, rather than actually being in the mood for sex. So for now I’m leaving sex in the corner and am being more intimate, and if we happen get into anything during that I don’t mind as it’s not sex for the sake of sex and rather from being intimate and passionate.

    Cheers mate.
     
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  17. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for that response.
    I want to reinforce this message. In fact, it isn't "...usually not the case..." It NEVER is the case. Best case scenario two months will buy you is a "turning point". That's when your body (brain specifically) starts to settle down with the "new normal" that is hasn't been accustomed to for a very long time. It's why the 90 day milestone is so important. That is, for almost everyone, a time in which 90% of the "shit4brains" has been suppressed for "fit4brains". And there never is a 'cure', but a 'remission'. Thank you @Ginny Weasley!
     
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  18. Ginny Weasley

    Ginny Weasley Fapstronaut

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    A 90 day milestone would be brilliant, that’d be a new record and a lot of time for my brain to heal, next after that 180 days! I’ve already been feeling some positive things, so I look forward to the upcoming days and seeing how I’m progressing, so far on the right track I think.
     
  19. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @Ginny Weasley

    How are things going for you in the new year?

    What are your goals?

    Hiw many days have you gone?
     
  20. Mommys

    Mommys New Fapstronaut

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    Starting frm today
     

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