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porn enduced ED..SOS...HELP

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by tanishk, Feb 18, 2017.

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  1. tanishk

    tanishk Fapstronaut

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    Yellow people,
    This is Tanishk. I am a 33 year old virgin. I am fit, work-out, trek.
    I have been masturbating since 18. In the last 5 years the intensity went up a bit too high. I used to masturbate watching porn at least 1 or twice a day; some times even more. I used to get rock hard erections initially and lasted longer while masturbating watching porn. But recently, I do not get as hard, and come rather faster, but have to surf through a lot of different videos before I come. I never realized that I wasn't getting very hard erections, until recently, as the end purpose was being met.
    Just recently (2-3 months) I got a girlfriend and since then my porn viewing has gone down drastically. Almost to just twice a month. We have been kissing and I had been giving her oral during which I used to get an erection.
    However, I was shocked and embarrassed on Valentines day when I initiated sex with my girlfriend for the first time. I could not get hard enough for penetration. Just semi-erect and even lost the erection further as I put on a condom. She was sweet and called it performance anxiety. Could barely sleep the whole night; shamed and embarrassed hoping the morning would bring around a change over. But failed in the morning too and this time even worse; probably the pressure got to me.
    I have a month in which I will be seeing her again and desperately want to get better by then. Have seen and read a lot of your articles and videos.
    I am not addicted to watching porn and can easily abstain. In fact as I have been trekking extensively in the last 4 months I have only masturbated to porn for 40 days (which is much lower that 120 days).
    My plan is as follows:
    As I have never had sex with a woman before and only masturbated to porn my brain is conditioned to get aroused only to porn and not real woman.
    I find it difficult to masturbate just using my imagination and not viewing porn (which wasn't the case say 8 years back when I did not have full access to high speed internet). Infact I can't get hard by just imagining about sex with my girlfriend.
    So I plan to do kegal exercises and massage my penis and gently masturbate but without actually coming. This I hope will strengthen my penile muscles and train my brain to get hard without porn.
    Parallely I plan to have sex with other woman (other than my girlfriend) to actually train my brain to enjoy the touch of a woman and actually be aroused by real woman, rather than just porn. Additionally this will also help me to work on my skills in bed, which I haven't developed because of the virtual reality I was happy to live in.
    Kindly let me know if I am correct in my thinking.
    Guys I need your help as I really want this relationship to work and for me to get back my confidence (I know that's shallow, but still).
    Help...SOS
    Shall look forward to your response and feedback
    I shall be seeing my girl in just over a month and would want to score this time.
    Please guide and help.
     
  2. tanishk

    tanishk Fapstronaut

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    Yellow people,
    This is Tanishk. I am a 33 year old virgin. I am fit, work-out, trek.
    I have been masturbating since 18. In the last 5 years the intensity went up a bit too high. I used to masturbate watching porn at least 1 or twice a day; some times even more. I used to get rock hard erections initially and lasted longer while masturbating watching porn. But recently, I do not get as hard, and come rather faster, but have to surf through a lot of different videos before I come. I never realized that I wasn't getting very hard erections, until recently, as the end purpose was being met.
    Just recently (2-3 months) I got a girlfriend and since then my porn viewing has gone down drastically. Almost to just twice a month. We have been kissing and I had been giving her oral during which I used to get an erection.
    However, I was shocked and embarrassed on Valentines day when I initiated sex with my girlfriend for the first time. I could not get hard enough for penetration. Just semi-erect and even lost the erection further as I put on a condom. She was sweet and called it performance anxiety. Could barely sleep the whole night; shamed and embarrassed hoping the morning would bring around a change over. But failed in the morning too and this time even worse; probably the pressure got to me.
    I have a month in which I will be seeing her again and desperately want to get better by then. Have seen and read a lot of your articles and videos.
    I am not addicted to watching porn and can easily abstain. In fact as I have been trekking extensively in the last 4 months I have only masturbated to porn for 40 days (which is much lower that 120 days).
    My plan is as follows:
    As I have never had sex with a woman before and only masturbated to porn my brain is conditioned to get aroused only to porn and not real woman.
    I find it difficult to masturbate just using my imagination and not viewing porn (which wasn't the case say 8 years back when I did not have full access to high speed internet). Infact I can't get hard by just imagining about sex with my girlfriend.
    So I plan to do kegal exercises and massage my penis and gently masturbate but without actually coming. This I hope will strengthen my penile muscles and train my brain to get hard without porn.
    Parallely I plan to have sex with other woman (other than my girlfriend) to actually train my brain to enjoy the touch of a woman and actually be aroused by real woman, rather than just porn. Additionally this will also help me to work on my skills in bed, which I haven't developed because of the virtual reality I was happy to live in.
    Kindly let me know if I am correct in my thinking.
    Guys I need your help as I really want this relationship to work and for me to get back my confidence (I know that's shallow, but still).
    Help...SOS
    Shall look forward to your response and feedback
    I shall be seeing my girl in just over a month and would want to score this time.
    Please guide and help.
     
  3. Timbogabe7

    Timbogabe7 Fapstronaut

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    Stop watching porn it floods yours your dopamine receptors more than real sex. I would say stay away from porn and since you have a real girlfriend get to know her physically and emotionally, I mean u seen like you have an Understanding partner which makes everything 1000000% easier so I would say just talk to her about how it made u feel, cuddle with her get comfortable being together and don't think about your erection it should go up by itself . Your fine just stay away from porn.
     
  4. Your avatar is almost too classy....
     
    Timbogabe7 likes this.
  5. Timbogabe7

    Timbogabe7 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks brotha appreciate it
     
  6. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    The Warriors blew a 3-1 lead.
     
    Timbogabe7 likes this.
  7. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    Porn sucks, @tanishk! Good luck in your reboot.
     
    tanishk likes this.
  8. tanishk

    tanishk Fapstronaut

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    thanks a tonn for your encouraging reply and support Timbogabe. Hoping for a speedy recovery
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2017
    Timbogabe7 likes this.
  9. Okay this rang alarm bells for three reasons:
    1. You don't think you are addicted? You can easily abstain? Oh no, no, no. You have years of use. 40 days is an amazing improvement, but not light use. Go hard monk mode if you think it's that's easy. It's dangerous to underestimate Porn's power over us. This comes from someone who views porn as a last resort.
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/in-case-you-didnt-know.84619/
    2. Your plans to have sex with women other than your gf. I understand your desire to impress your girlfriend but it is not worth it. ESPECIALLY if you guys do not have an open relationship! This will devastate her. Do you really want your first time to be with someone you don't care about? I haven't had sex yet but I trust in the wisdom of the people here who have and say that one night stands are MEANINGLESS and EMPTY.
    3. You M'ing at all. Basically instead of objectifying the women in porn, you'll objectify your gf? Objectifying anyone is not good, period. There is no need to practice DE so soon. Work on building a healthy emotional attachment to your gf first. Your sexual desire for her will come back naturally.

    I wish you the best of luck.
     
  10. Tested

    Tested Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, this needs some analysis. On the one hand you say you are not addicted to P but on the other day you are using on 40 days out of 120? I'm sorry but that is habitual use, the first marker of addiction. Your erection issue is without a doubt due to P use. Consider this question - how would you feel if this new GF knew about the P? Good? Or awful? I bet the latter. There is no dignity in P, only shame and a dark secret. This idea of sex with another woman - to practice - that is mixed up man, that will cause inevitable feelings of comparison when you see your actual GF. Where do you I tend to find this other woman? Please don't let this be a prostitute? Man, it is time for some self control. The deadline of one month is putting pressure on you. I mention 15 years of P use. I think you commit to N F, you post daily, you seek accountability partners, like me, you forget about woman #2, put on some web blockers, decide to initially go 7 days no P no M no O no M without coming ( called edging). Actually edging is really bad for you as you are forcing the dopamine hit to be extended for ages. Eat right, hydrate, sleep. You do all this for six months, then I think you will find your erection is back and you can take your relationship forward. 15 years use cannot be resolved in one month. If you would like an accountability partner let me know.
     
  11. tanishk

    tanishk Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your support and guidance Tested.
    You are right, I know I am putting up a very short deadline of 1 month for this 15 year problem, but wanted to share my real thoughts.
    I am sorry for not being clear, the 40/120 days was before I knew about P based ED. Since I have gotten to know about the root cause I have not even once seen or been tempeted towards P. This is the only positive I see in my case, that I can easily give it up and hope that it acclerates the recovery.
    Also I took a P addition test which also reiteratted the fact my addition is rather weak however I realised that my main problem is that, I was attracted to rather extreme and rough P, which is difficult to replicate in real life and thus the lack of hardness.
    Thanks for recommendations on diet, sleep and hydration. Shall follow them religiously.
    Would appreciate if you could help me with the accountability parter thing.
    Regards
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2017
    HopefulChristian likes this.
  12. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

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    Hello tansihk! Welcome.

    Your problem is one that is common here. However, have no fear. Often what is termed PIED, is more just a condition where it takes longer to become aroused, and you need more time between sexual sessions to recover. This can definitely be a sign of Porn use, as porn offers a false sense of diversity. (A friend of mine is a pysch. He tells me there is a actual biological function where the 'refractory period' is shorter for men if the next session is to be with a different mate. (In case it needs to be said, the refractory period is the time needed to recover after ejaculation, before another attempt can be made). Porn gives us unlimited mates, so we can often think that our short recovery period is 'normal', and when we need to be in our relationship, it's not there for us. Additionally, given that you are fit, and just now in your 30's, you may be seeing the first signs of you testosterone starting to slack off a bit.

    In any case, often people taking a break from porn, and giving the sexual function a bit of a break can feel things get back to normal. Four weeks is a rush, but you may see some real results by then, if you stay strong, and avoid any sexual material or masturbation in this time. Just be prepared, while you may be able to become easier aroused, the 'rigidity' you mentioned having in the past, may need longer to recover.

    To offer you how, I'm 42, and at 4 week mark in my efforts, I definitely saw great improvement in being aroused. Others saw greater in less.

    Just be aware that this is an exercise with results like the rest of your fit life. You might see something in 30 days, but it's the struggle that sets you apart with results that are seen strongest not in one session, or one week.

    I will offer one more idea to try. While erections and arousal aren't necessarily affected by this, there is a concept of foreskin health. Masturbation is rough on the skin and can cause some stress to the tissues. It's recommended that you use a good lotion on your foreskin to help with the recovery. I'm using one called 'man1 man oil', which has several vitamins so that they can be topically absorbed. But it can be as simple as 'gold bonds healing' formula. In short, a good heavy lotion. I see it changing my skins color and texture to what is healthier (in the past 7 weeks). In any case, it's just one more tool in you kit to helping you get to an optimum place.

    Stay strong. We are excited for you.
     
    tanishk likes this.
  13. Alisa

    Alisa Fapstronaut

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    I am new to this site. The sense of camaraderie here is touching. Great post.
     
    PostiveChange1974 and tanishk like this.
  14. tanishk

    tanishk Fapstronaut

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    Hi FlawedChristian,
    I stand corrected.....I am sorry for not being clear, the 40/120 days was before I knew about P based ED. Since I have gotten to know about the root cause I have not even once seen or been tempeted towards P. This is the only positive I see in my case, that I can easily give it up and hope that it acclerates the recovery.
    Secondly I love my partner and am sexually aroused but can't get hard enough for penetration (only about 80% hard) which is exactly how hard I used to get watching porn until recently. Just that I never paid any attention as it didn't matter.
    Also I took a P addition test which also reiteratted the fact my addition is rather weak however I realised that my main problem is that, I was attracted to rather extreme and rough P, which is difficult to replicate in real life and thus the lack of hardness.
    I see that you recommend me to abstain from sleeping with other women as it would not help me get harder with my partner and would work in the same way as scanning through diffrent videos while M.
    But in the light of the revised info, what would your recommendations be?
    Thanks for your support. It means a lot.
    Regads
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2017
    HopefulChristian likes this.
  15. Okay well still, an addiction is an addiction. I just don't want you to be overconfident at this point in the process. It will lead to a harder fall. My recommendation is to not worry about PIED atm. Use this month to track your day-to-day progress and finding another activity that gives you satisfaction in place of porn. As a female, I can't help you too much in other methods but working on DE through gentle M doesn't sound right to me. (Edit: I realize that you haven't expressed PE and yet I keep implying you do. I'm sorry. At this point in the process your brain will keep going to rough P. It will take some time to for vanilla sex to appeal to you. That is why an emotional connection is so important right now. You'll find the thought of treating your gf that way demeaning rather than arousing.) Are you & your gf cutting off all contact during this time?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2017
    tanishk likes this.
  16. tanishk

    tanishk Fapstronaut

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    Hi FlawedChristian,
    I am new to this and trying to put everthing inside, out there for people to openly judge and guide.
    Thank you.
    It is a pre-planned visit, for a month, to another state. So we would be in touch over phone and chat every few days. It just perfectly happen to sychronise with my rebooting schedule.

    I am confident that I am not ever going back to porn. But confused on two fronts:
    a) Is fantasizing about my GF and M without Edj: OK (as I heard that fantasizing about real life partners/people and not porn, without Edj is a good Pin exercise)
    b) I am seriously confused as to wether to makeout with other women to check my improvemet and also learn how to make love (as I am a virgin).

    Hoping someone can guide.

    Regards
     
  17. Tested

    Tested Fapstronaut

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    Ok happy to be an accountability partner. It means daily posting here. Perhaps we can get a WhatApp group set up and use that instead? Daily posting on your (and mine) new life of self control and self discipline and goal setting and exercise and time well spent.
     
    tanishk and Alisa like this.
  18. You will go back to P or a P sub. Everybody relapses and that's okay. I have yet to see somebody who hasn't during their journey. I'm being blunt because I don't think you quite comprehend how hard this is. You are still in the denial stage of addiction. But you will come to terms with it and we'll be here when you do.
    1. Don't have sex with other women. You have an opportunity that so many people would love to get back: your first time being with someone you love. I understand your performance anxiety but ask anybody and they'd want you to stay faithful to them. Tell your gf it's your first time. Once you see that she doesn't mind, it will take the pressure off and you'll be able to enjoy the experience. I can tell you your first time will be disappointing if it is with a stranger. If your gf is put off by your virginity she isn't the one. There are worse things in life than being a virgin.
    2. I think you need to prove to yourself that you can abstain completely first. Often fantasizes occur on their own. Detoxing yourself from rough porn and talking to your girl on the phone should slowly bring up romantic fantasies. You'll know you're on the right track when you care more about how she feels rather than how looks. I would say for you to M to those but ONLY if they are not porn like. Once that happens you stop. But again, and I can't stress this enough, your brain will automatically go to what it likes the best --rough sex. You need patience and to not rush into fixing your PIED. Let me know if you have more questions.
     
    tanishk likes this.
  19. tanishk

    tanishk Fapstronaut

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    I am gradually begining to desipher and understand the concept and purpose behind abstenance to rewire the circuitry.
    You are right even when I fantasize about my GF to get an erection or M, it to some degree does involve rough sex. So its not the right path on this road to recovery.
    So my new strategy is to go for the 30 DAY HARD MODE program (absolutely No PMO) and meanwhille engage with my GF through phone and chat.
    Thanks for your support and guidance. Shall keep you posted.
     
    HopefulChristian likes this.
  20. tanishk

    tanishk Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your support. It is highly appreciated. Will definatelly post my daily progress.
    Regads
     

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