1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Porn and gender trouble (specially appreciate Catholic response)

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by egoerro, May 16, 2017.

  1. egoerro

    egoerro Fapstronaut

    21
    11
    3
    Saluti!

    Well, I think i have finally reached edge of the abyss. I mean I have come to the point where I can not anymore ignore my problems and hope that they go away, it is simply not possible. I get into porn when I was around 11 I think and mostly with pictures and erotic stories in stupid magazine, however, worst have come later in high school. Vanilla porn soon didn't do anything for me, I was getting mostly into transexual porn and from them to sissy porn with imagining as a female. This was made even more problematic with my low body image and not being very secure in my masculinity. I also have few gender dysmorfic memories from chilhood, however they gone away till high school, which was kind of shitty but I managed of course. College was great, best time ever, my confidence grow, career looked like open highway, I got a nice Catholic girlfriend and everything was randy. My porn watching however didn't stop, and in last year, closer I'm to finish my post graduate studies worse they are. I could not get aroused without fantasies of being female, or in male role at very least. Those childhood memories have resurfaced etc. Now, I come here, because I really hope that it is all porn induced. As a faithful, orthodox, latin mass Catholic, you know what my real view about transgenderism is. So I want to ask if anyone have some advice besides obvious nofap and also some theological perspective. However, since vita est militia super terram, I'm ready for the worst, I only wont give in. If our predecessors didn't lost hope in front of a lion, I could survive following my beliefs instead of my feelings. After all, suffering it is not that bad, when is directed to Ad Maiorem Dei Gloriam. So I appreciate your help in advance.

    Pax et Bonum

    Post Scriptum: Orthodox guys probably also have some good perspective.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2017
    Carter L., Veeav and Atlanticus like this.
  2. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

    1,071
    1,352
    143
    Our Lady, Help of Christians. Mary and Don Bosco want me to tell everyone to pray to her under that title right now. So I am. Who knows; maybe it's specifically because I was going to read your thread.

    JP2 and Max Kolbe also seem to want me to say hi... might as well throw in St. Faustina and make it 3/3 on modern polish Saints, lol.

    Are you getting psychological treatment? Your diocese should be able to provide you with a list of Catholic therapists. This is important. Whether you have gender dysmorphia or you don't, it is crucial to have support for your mental health through this situation. Seek out all the natural remedies, in addition to the spiritual ones.

    How is your prayer life in general; what do you do? How often do you receive Reconciliation and the Eucharist? What religious icons and items do you have in your home and where?

    What do you do when you are struck with temptation to sin?
     
    ivanhoe likes this.
  3. Tommy_0113

    Tommy_0113 Fapstronaut

    319
    169
    43
    I'm Catholic. My advice- man up. Stop watching porn and wanking too much.

    Good bye and good luck!
     
    CSLewis_YBOP likes this.
  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,007
    3,391
    143
    I was raised in a very Catholic family. 8 years of Catholic school and 4 more in grad school. I must tell you that I no longer identify as Catholic but being raised in the church I thought I would comment. I am female my partner is an addict. I think people who are strong in their religion can find great comfort in it in dealing with life's battles. The concern I have is can you be open with your priest without feeling judged? Is your religion making you feel more guilty? The term "catholic guilt" comes to mind. Guilt often feeds an addiction and does not help matters. I suppose all parishes are different but I could never imagine talking to a priest or nun about sexual issues. I would be afraid I would be told no sex before marriage, masturbation is a sin, no lusting because that's the message I was given from grade school up. So while you can certainly find comfort in scripture I'm not sure the Catholic Church itself will be much help. I know of a Christian organization that put out the book Everymans Battle its NewLife Church so you may want to check out the book. If you are in the US they also have workshops. I listen to their advice radio show often and it's very good. Non judgmental quotes the Bible and they always mention the book. I just don't want you to feel judged and I think you need to find help from a place you feel totally open.
     
  5. mondays_suck

    mondays_suck Fapstronaut

    132
    52
    28
    Practise! Struggle, change, try, fail, and then again, try. Just remember to take God with you. Don't let yourself get lost in the darkness. Confession is like a good daily shower for that matter.

    To repent is always good. But don't let anyone induce guilt to you to the point of hopelessness. By no human, ever. That's not the way. We all have weaknesses, so work on them but not swear that you will never fall again. You don't know that. Human body is weak, it's a pile of worthless flesh, and so are its needs. It's the soul that puts you above the animals.

    So, while you are doing your everyday good and holy stuff, think of 1 years perspective. You can find a permanent confessor, if you can trust someone to that extent. Use the prettiest prayers as a constant routine AND do it out of the blue, with your own words.

    One day you will lock your room with no one but your computer inside, but you will turn away, instead you will kneel, and say "Hello, friend! I managed to find some time for you"
     
  6. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

    1,071
    1,352
    143
    Those are the church's teachings, but the vast majority of priests respond with compassion and charity, not condemnation.
     
    LavaMe and ivanhoe like this.
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,007
    3,391
    143
    I am glad to hear that as that's how it should be. Unfortunately my experience with the Catholic Church in the states has been nothing but judgment and condemnation and that's the largest reason I left. I think it you were a very religious person and you went to a Priest seeking help in a time when you are already weak and hurting and got shamed or condemned that coujd really send you into a tailspin.
     
  8. egoerro

    egoerro Fapstronaut

    21
    11
    3
    Hello.

    I'm not getting any treatment it is currently outside my price range. My prayer life is decent, I pray rosary at least once a week and Hail Mary, Our Father, Prayer to St. Michael and prayer of St. Thomas Aquinas every day. I tried to go to confession at least once a month. And when I'm stuck to the tempation depends. I'm mostly hoping to get so responses how to deal with dysmorphia in a manly and orthodox way. I know rationaly who am I, and I prefer to follow reason than feeling. I'm also wonder about relationship between porn and this.


    JP2 and Max Kolbe also seem to want me to say hi... might as well throw in St. Faustina and make it 3/3 on modern polish Saints, lol.

    Are you getting psychological treatment? Your diocese should be able to provide you with a list of Catholic therapists. This is important. Whether you have gender dysmorphia or you don't, it is crucial to have support for your mental health through this situation. Seek out all the natural remedies, in addition to the spiritual ones.

    How is your prayer life in general; what do you do? How often do you receive Reconciliation and the Eucharist? What religious icons and items do you have in your home and where?

    What do you do when you are struck with temptation to sin?[/QUOTE]
     
  9. egoerro

    egoerro Fapstronaut

    21
    11
    3
    I have never experience judgment and condemnation. Possibly because I'm kind of a convert. I was baptised as a child but become really religious in college. So my path to the Church was very different and I think I have good background of the teachings and theology. Why I'm asking for Catholic response is basically because of two factors, to get also spiritual perspective and not some accept yourself bullshit, like secularist like to say.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  10. egoerro

    egoerro Fapstronaut

    21
    11
    3
    btw: I don't believe in your own prayers, they are problematic because can challenge orthodoxy and best language for matters of faith is of course latin (or other traditional death languages) because they don't change anymore and meaning is still clear. To the other point, I have a confessor and he is understanding (but still firm) in regards to fap addiction, but sincer I know this priest also in real life, I also have a fear to admitt other feelings (and I don't think they are sin since I haven't acted on them in any way!), and he is also not chatty person about problems, he like clear, direct confession (as do I actually).
     
  11. mondays_suck

    mondays_suck Fapstronaut

    132
    52
    28

    I know that. That's what they are for. Don't be as dead as your language in your belief. Of course they do not as earnest and blindly praising, create questions and uncertainty, hah I may even worry that I am close to heresy in my own prayers. Just remember that all those other prayers were all man-made, and are equally untrustworthy. All but one, The Lord's Prayer, but let's sum up what those Words state: Give us this day our daily bread. There is no ceremonial in this line. It's all about the small stuff. Everyday pray for one day to be granted what you need.

    I don't say that you should substitute one with the other. Think of it as a nice addition.

    Other feelings you say. To my mind you cannot be blamed for what comes into you, that is: feelings, needs, urges, questions. What comes out: actions (and inactions), words, answers can be a sin. Letting anger become hate, but also harming yourself by supressing it. To fap or to have sex, or to remain "pure", saying that our God is this or that as if He wouldn't be able to become other.

    I once brought myself into question that if pursuing plearure is inherently bad, am I entitled to feel pleasure while staying under my shower, which is simple and 15 years old or so, it surely does not sound like a hedonistic device. You could again bring every single moral dilemma into Confession and speak for hours about details, but that just sounds ridiculous. So again, speak to God of heavier stuff by a confessor, and pray the small sins away.
     
    egoerro likes this.
  12. egoerro

    egoerro Fapstronaut

    21
    11
    3
    I don't think I'm dead in my belief I just prefer traditional ways. I also prefer thomistic rationalism than for example charismatic movement. And please examplain what did you mean by harming yourself by suppressing?
     
  13. Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant
    NoFap Defender

    402
    8,565
    123
     
    egoerro likes this.
  14. Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant
    NoFap Defender

    402
    8,565
    123
    hello, my friend,

    i was moved by your post, and though originally raised a catholic (not the punitive variety), i see the issues you raise as universally spiritual rather than church-dependent. however, i FULLY respect and support your desire for feedback in maximally catholic perspective. perhaps you can benefit from following this guy called LavaMe (https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?members/lavame.122605/ ), who seems to post Thomist material sometimes, including on a thread like this: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...-masturbation-sinfullness.104140/#post-862314

    Best of success to you!

    (Sorry about the earlier misplacement of my post!)
     
    egoerro likes this.
  15. mondays_suck

    mondays_suck Fapstronaut

    132
    52
    28

    Some very strict Catholics speak more of sex than I do, agreeing and disagreeing combined, even though their ideal is to eradicate it. It seems to have taken over their lives instead.

    You can never kill a feeling. You can only supress and hide it, for common approval, and it can then consume you from the inside as you are left alone with it, since you believe its bad to feel and think that way.

    No one ever found out I was masturbating, in the early days i was told that sexual desire is so ultimately evil, that saving those pure girl friends from sinning by doing it in the dark seemed to be a perfect idea. Too bad i got stuck in this pile of crap for so long.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2017
  16. not true. feelings are based on experience and beliefs, but even if you couldn't for most of human history, healthy civilizations (I emphasize healthy, civilizations) people didn't do things based on 'feelings' most of us don't feel like getting out of bed in the morning.. we overcome our desire to lay there..
    someone might 'feel' 'passionate' about something because the have wrong information.. and once they find the right information, their 'feelings' change...
     
  17. Hey,
    I am not catholic, nor orthodox, but contrary to popular belief the church was a great supporter and nurturer of science, and with that in mind, :
    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/are-sexual-tastes-immutable
    there are some hard mechanical things you can do with the idea that that is helping you clear the way with your relationship with God.
    How long have you gone free of PMO. Are you praying daily? WHat is your spiritual practice. ?

    "I could not get aroused without fantasies of being female"
    escalation is a VERY common problem with porn addiction

    I mean I have come to the point where I can not anymore ignore my problems and hope that they go away, it is simply not possible.
    Well seems to me you're not ignoring them you're continuing to escalate them ;) but you're right you need concrete actions inspired by your beliefs to clean house.

    If our predecessors didn't lost hope in front of a lion,
    nor did they intentionally step in front of them to prove faith :)
     
  18. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    Nofap may be obvious but it is the key. After a decade of 'vanilla porn' I escalated to transwoman porn when I first got high speed internet. I later watched gay porn too. Escalation is common. These are things that I found revolting at first. But I was also curious. I allowed my desire for the novel and my curiosity to win out. Each time I gave in I then needed something more novel to satisfy my craving.

    You have been flooding your mind with these images. Imagine what this did to your mind. I don't know about you but I would spend 1-3 hours every 2-4 days looking at porn. That is a lot of conditioning. I've played video games too much where I start imagining myself in the game just going about my day or especially when I go to sleep, if I played right before. The same happens sometimes if I binge watch an intense TV show. If video games and TV do that to the mind just imagine what porn, reinforced with sexual pleasure, does? It is going to mess your mind up.

    You should accept yourself. But, you shouldn't do immoral things. Right now you are a person whose mind has been messed up for porn use. You need to get away from the porn to see who you really are.

    If you have certain thoughts or feelings that come to you those are only thoughts or feelings. Those aren't you. You don't have to be ashamed of them. You don't even need to be troubled by the fact that you have them. Thoughts and feelings just come to us. You do need to not entertain impure thoughts, which would include anything immoral. You do need to not act in a way that would be immoral. I think the first step is to get porn behind you. Once you do then you'll be able to see what your true attraction are.
     
    ivanhoe likes this.
  19. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

    1,071
    1,352
    143
    Yet ;)
     
    ivanhoe likes this.
  20. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

    1,071
    1,352
    143
    Has anyone mentioned the Rosary, prayer to St Michael, the Jesus prayer, and developing a devotion to your Guardian Angel? If not ... those things.
     
    LavaMe and ivanhoe like this.

Share This Page