Porn addiction and malapative daydreaming

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Selene200, Jan 6, 2019.

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  1. Selene200

    Selene200 Fapstronaut

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    They say a chid is supposed to live happily and healthy with their mom and dad , mom and mom , dad and dad. Or just mom . Or just dad. For me though my life has had obstacles from all different kinds of people , fake friends , parents , grandparents , media , and of course myself. At a young age I had expierencec sexual feelings and curiosity with the opposite sex and the same sex . At preschool I kissed a boy , Justin . In kindergarten I kissed another boy ,oggie .
    In 1st grade I kissed my female cousin jaylah and one of my classmates. I was a lucky kid. I lived in a multi-million dollar home in a gated community with my mom and my dad lived in a standarized apartment. My mom , an author, property manger , and public speaker and my dad a scientist . My brother an inspiring engineer . And me a kid who was smart , creative , funny , but sexualy dysfunctional . At 5 I felt horny watching two people kiss . I felt horny around girls or boys . At about 7 I kissed my cousin and and his privates parts for fun and he almost convinced me to suck his penis. Luckily I didnt know how so he pulled up his pants and continued kissing me while I kissed back . It felt good . But a year later I confessed to my mom about what happened except I lied and said it was all him knowing that he would get in trouble.
    About that time my mom had been remarried and we has moved out of our big home to a small one . I loved yhat house. There was a park nearby and my nephew would often visit. My mother had married a drug addict without knowing he was into drugs , and often when my nephew would visit he would yell and scream at my mom . He threw rocks at her BMW and smashed the back seat window . He was horrible and because my mother spent so much time having to take care of him I was often left home alone and exposed to horrible cuss words . I on more than one occasion had to take care of my baby cousin at 7 years old at 12:00 at night because my step dad had relasped .
    Anywho a few months after we moved Into are new house I had been scrolling through my TV late at night to try to find a good movie to watch . As I did a title showed up called "sex with a vampire" and curiosity struck. I was 8 at the time and curious so I watched it. And I loved it . So I found anoyano movie with the same rating and warched it . And another one. By the morning time I had watched 3 movies about porn and 2 about straight sex and 1 about lesbians . I hadn't gotten any sleep . This went on for a few months until my mom put a parental lock on my TV a just to be safe. She hadn't suspected anything.
    I hated her for doing it .it was like her taking away my candy . I tried yo figure out the 4 digit passwords and failed . Untill one day I found a perfect match and continued watching my porn. About a year later at the age of 9 I received my first phone . I spent all my time watching porn reading smutty stories about cartoon characters doing the dirty and looked up images of cartoon characters naked . I also talked to boys on movie star planet trying to get a boyfriend. My mom saw me talking to boys and took my phone away . I got it back but got it taken away for getting in trouble at school . At 10 I started middle school in 6th grade. I had friends who were popular mean and fast and I followed the eager for acceptance.
    I got in trouble for dating and reading bad library books, and writing bad sexaul stuff In my diary . My mom was tired of me getting into trouble and also she was getting a divorce from my step dad so she put into independent study. I was bored and lonely so I started reading fanfiction about gay couples and watching porn every night , and daydreaming about what I was reading and seeing . I stole my mom's old Samsung and kept it in my room. I had a shedrule go to bed at 9 read fanfiction untill 12 and watch porn till 1 then listen to music and daydream about my fanfiction. I didn't see the fanfiction as a problem in fact I was addictied. I saw it as comforting because I was able to have friends through fanfiction I wasn't lonely . But like everything in my life I had to turn into something sexual . So when we moved again we had to to stay in hotels which met for me no phone , no fanfiction , no porn. So o daydreamed about my fanfiction and porn untill I found a way to acess my porn and fanfiction. About July of last year was I realized that my porn and daydreaming was an issue so I decided to quit. But I failed and failed
    untill this year I was able really control it but im still slipping up

    Im hoping this year I will sucedds in stopping daydreaming and porn use a d reading fanfiction


    That's my story
     
  2. Loveless-J.R.A

    Loveless-J.R.A Fapstronaut

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    This was deeply written. Life is not as easy as we expect sometimes. Developing it from a young age too. Well the best part is, your still young. So when you get over PM, and you will, you'll be the smartest , most creative and funniest person you and friends would know. All the best Selene. Your about 2 weeks now and thats some progress. Keep it up ladette. :)
     
    Selene200 likes this.
  3. LostCloud

    LostCloud Fapstronaut

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    interesting story i felt i was there. felt fimialiar things, when i was in grade either 3-4 i dont know i cant pin point it, i had a girl friend,i told everyone shes my girlfriend her name was cori, at recess behind the skatting ring i pulled her pants off an played with her down there, i remember it faintly its messed up i dont know where i learnt that, maybe i leanrt it from porn but anyways a school mate seen it happen i guess he didnt stop us i guess he just watched cauase years later he told me he saw what we were doing he said i gave her oral, i later beat him up for saying that, i grew up in adoptive care my mom gave me up after birth, i lived in a fortunate situation ., big house big property, big satalite dish with thousands of channels an you know what that means, im watching the dirty xxx channels every chance i got, i once kissed my cousin it was just a kiss it happens,she asked if she can kiss me i said sure an then my buddy walked in an caught us. he thought it was hilarious ,
     
  4. bobross

    bobross Fapstronaut

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    You don't have to fight alone. You asked for help, that is the first step. I wish you the best of luck and all the strength you'll need :) You've went through a lot, but things can get better. There's a lot in this community to help you
     
    Selene200 likes this.
  5. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Young lady, you're at a very ripe age to permanently solidify a remission of this into your brain. Your frontal cortex is on the crest of becoming fully developed. You have a window of opportunity here most adults only dream of. Are you trying to do this alone or are you getting any professional help anywhere?
     
  6. Selene200

    Selene200 Fapstronaut

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    Im getting professional help at school
     
  7. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Very well. There's lots of help to be had. Just reach out and ask for it, and it will be given you.
     
    Selene200 likes this.

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