PMO STOP but massage parlours + new GF + ED pills + flatline

Porn History

Teenager - find dad's porn stash
20's vhs porn tapes + magazines
30's video booths + magazines
40's - Internet
50's - Internet

Porn / fantasy interests:
Women in their 30's and 20 pretending to be teens. Japanese "schoolgirl" porn (again 20-30 year olds pretending to be teens) I had started to notice PMO was taking a long time. And I was using the "grip of death" to get there.

Had plenty of girlfriends and dated a LOT of Japanese / Korean / Chinese women.
1 x ex wife & kids (no partner cheating during marriage but a lot of porn)

Recently - mid 50's, one year divorced and single. Wandered into a Chinese masage parlour (to actually get a massage) found it very darkly lit and odd that the masseuse shed some clothes when she came in. One thing lead to another and I bought a hand job. I walked down the street laughing and on a total high. I celebrated my first sexual encounter with another woman for 15 years, that it was with a woman who was in a racial group I had fetishisised for many years was a bonus and the transaction was so easy.

What I didn't realise was the huge dopamine rush addiction it started.

I went about 6 times at few places. One of them I figured had the hottest skinny teen body (She was in her 20's) I was likely to ever get my hands on and made a mental note that - that was the "ultimate" MP experience and it wasn't worth continuing with in the future as no other hired masseuse could top the experience.

But the insane level of dopamine rush as I would think about it or would walk by MP places started to become a problem.

Enter the most fantastic woman I have ever dated.

First time in the sack I found her a lot less tight on my D than my last 15 years of death grip PMO. So I am freaked out that sex with this real person is not as tight as my death grip hand.

And I go soft / totally lost wood.

WTF?

I was deeply shocked. (Luckily she was v cool about it)

I gave up looking at porn and PMO the next day (with no research)

Then I flatlined. (Also WTF?!)

Went to my Dr who started writing out an ED pill prescription before I even finished asking him for one!

ED pills did the trick (and allowed my very early days courtship / first sex to occur with the new GF) but lead to DE (also WTF?!)

I am presently:

In flatline (most of the time) except for ED pill use
No porn or PMO (see counter below)
DE during sex (but I can finish)

Daily sights that used to stimulate me (hot women I see walking around) now don't.

I had a dumb theory that if I wasn't touching my D getting a (paid) woman to touch it was somehow OK....

I have to really fantasize quite hard to even get a semi.
During sex I have to fantasize really hard on some depraved imagery to O.
UPDATE - this is getting way better

Feeling a bit sorry for myself. Giving up porn instantly was pretty easy for me (driven by the shock of ED) but I feel I jumped "out of the fat and into the fire" with a last minute new sex & dopamine addiction.

I feel totally lucky I have the best ever GF. I told her of my porn DIY past (kept me going during a loveless marriage) and knows I am "rebooting" from that but doesn't know the about the massage parlour stuff.

She is patient with me (but I feel a no sex phase would be asking too much from her)

All probably serves me right as some sort of "payback" but I am trying to turn this around.

My GF's physique is very petite and slender. I am a really lucky guy.

I feel optimistic. But this flatline phase is scary

So to add up the shocks I have had

Shock 1) Dopamine mania from almost instant massage parlour addiction (as if the years of porn weren't enough of a problem!)
Shock 2) ED during first vaginal sex with GF
Shock 3) Flatline
Shock 4) DE

Porn was for last 43 years
Massage parlour phase was just a (big) blip 7 months ago. But did me no dopamine favours.

 

Many thanks!

To be clear my first day of porn recovery began the day after the night I had ED with the new GF.

That was 5 months ago and I have had no slips with porn whatsoever since then.

I had one imagination only fap about a month ago and decided that as I was mostly flatline - to stop that too.

Morning wood is very rare now and I feel pretty dead.

I initiate sex with GF when I have had a ED pill. I know it's vital to the success of our relationship. Depressingly, I don't automatically fantasise much about past or future sessions with GF.

We had a really good connection in bed a few weeks ago - I want to get back to that - at the moment it's all too "business like" and the ED pills give me DE.

I feel I have some sort of mental "my dick is dead" block. I think erotic thoughts and it's as if my D is sending a message back - "sorry, Not this time buddy!"

After a slow start my GF introduced a vibrator into the mix. She holds it against the outside of her. She can finish with me inside her using that and I can finish by pounding away thinking of something depraved.

It takes two to tango I guess, GF mentioned that she feels the vibrator (her sole sex companion for many years) is pretty "addictive" and she would like to phase it out.

 

This book totally explains it many thanks to the person here who recommended it

Thrilled to Death: How the Endless Pursuit of Pleasure Is Leaving Us Numb Paperback – 21 Feb 2012
by Archibald Hart (Author)

Take aways

Don't do "kinky" sex - to speed up DE keep it vanilla

Meditate

Lots or pleasure senses "retraining" ideas and strategies in this book.

So much in it

I think I will re read it about 3 times

Sex / porn addiction is well covered as is (all ages) addiction to cell phones, tablets and computer games.

It should be called "The Dopamine Screw Up retraining manual".

Highly recommended.