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PMO during a healthy marriage

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Ran-man, Sep 17, 2017.

  1. Ran-man

    Ran-man Fapstronaut

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    I am at the start of my no PMO journey. Can anyone give me some feedback regarding whether or not I should be having an organism when my wife and I have sex?
    Thank you all ! Grateful to be sober and at the start of my journey ~
     
  2. Johns80

    Johns80 Fapstronaut

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    I'd also like to know this. I'm a SO and I'm not sure if being intimate will help my partner or set him back. He's two weeks no PM.
     
  3. Fudgemudge

    Fudgemudge New Fapstronaut

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    I believe that having sex is a good alternative to PM. It's unhealthy to not have sex in a relationship. "Everything in life is about sex, except sex" if you and your partner have regular sex not provoked by porn but rather by romance it's all good. If your partner only wants sex because he is horny from watching porn that's a problem. If you want to have sex because your partner is making you feel horny that's nature.
     
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  4. Ran-man

    Ran-man Fapstronaut

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    Ya, most of the time she doesn't need sex. She was a virgin when we started dating. We have serious intimacy issues.Thank you for the tips
     
  5. I don't see any reason to abstain from orgasm altogether if you're married. Sex with a married partner is perfectly healthy.
     
    anewhope likes this.
  6. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    I think for some, it can delay the brain re-wiring process away from P. For me and my husband (I'm a SO of a PA), we chose to do a 90 day "hard-mode reboot", meaning no orgasms, even with me. It has been great and he has made a ton of progress on it is going extremely well. On day 77, we took it a little too far and he Oed for the first time, so no longer "hard-mode", but he is still in reboot. I'm not sure how that will change things or even if it will going forward, but so far so good. I think you can do it however you choose, but if you find you try it one way and it isn't working, try it the other way and see how it goes. Best of luck to you.
     
    anewhope and Idaho man like this.
  7. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    From what I have read, and from my personal experience, I think that orgasming during sex with a real person is helpful IF YOU DO NOT FANTASIZE ABOUT OTHERS. If you are deeply connected to the experience you are having with your partner, you are rewiring your brain to her. This is what you want. Also, some people have wonderful results with karezza which is slow sex with no O. It focuses on touch and bonding which are super helpful in rewiring the brain.
     
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  8. BBWolf000

    BBWolf000 Fapstronaut

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    This is a balance that you will have to find in your journey, as there isn't a correct answer.

    I can definitely suggest that you stay aware of this throughout your reboot though and avoid binges (multiple O's in consecutive days) If you haven't yet, take a second and read up on the "Chaser Effect" which is both very real and incredibly awful. If you do feel like you aren't benefiting as quickly, are in a "flat line period" or are having some obsessions for sex/O pop up, it can be really helpful to switch from your main PM streak and throw no O into the mix for a while (I'm no PM but went no PMO for days 74-90)

    Just communicate and be open with your SO about what's going on and how you are feeling so that they don't interpret a fluctuating desire for O as something they are doing wrong.

    You definitely feel the positive effects of NoFap much quicker and stronger by going no PMO or "hard mode" as they describe it on here but that can be tough when doing it in a marriage or relationship.

    and smile; You Can Do It!
     

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