PMO destroyed my Motivation

I was bored yesterday and I masturbated to porn. My final exams for college are this week and I have no motivation to study. I am suffering through severe brain fog and lack of motivation. I'm scared for my life because I used to have a'lot of motivation to study before I got consumed in this addiction 4 years ago, but now I am lazy.

I'm not trying to put the blame on my porn addiction, but I have no interest in anything and I can't feel any pleasure or experience real happiness. I am not depressed because of anything, I don't know what is wrong. I did have 48 days of no porn and masturbation a few months ago, but then I relapsed. I lost all interest in God, life, and academics. The urges are too strong to control and it is hard for me to focus on other things.

Maybe God will never take this addiction away from me. There is a story in the bible where God gave Paul a thorn in his flesh so Paul could stay humble. Paul cried out to the Lord to take the pain away and prayed/fasted daily, but God never took the thorn away. The Lord said his grace is sufficient. I am thinking God will not take the addiction from me so I can stay humble.

I don't want to flunk college. I really don't, my heart says this, but my mind is not cooperating. Parents are paying thousands of dollars in tuition for me to get a good education. They stress the the importance of an education. Not many people get this opportunity, and I'm wasting a valuable chance that I might never get again. When I PMO, all the stress and anxiety goes away. I feel excitement, even though it is only for few seconds. It has been years since I have experienced real joy in my life.

I am tired of fighting the addiction and relapsing. The cycle repeats itself. I don't want to live this kind of life anymore. I feel exhausted and have no motivation to study for the exams. I get worried just thinking about the amount of material I have to study. Any advice on how I should study? How do I overcome the strong urges and sexual temptation?

 

Thank you everyone for the advice, just taking things day by day. It is so hard to get motivated to study when your brain is desensitized to all emotion. Exams are coming in few days. It feels like I have to force myself to study, otherwise I waste time. I'm suffering from brain fog and I really want to do my best on the exams. I feel so tired and I can't concentrate for long periods of time.

 

Look, bro, this is what PMO does to you. It makes you tired, lazy and demotivated. You said it yourself, you feel great and excited but it only lasts like, 6 seconds, and you pay the price of the drawbacks you probably are aware of. But look, you can do this, you gotta believe in yourself! God did not curse you with this addiction, and I'm sure he wishes that you will have the strength within to fight through it.

First, you gotta put as much energy and effort as you possibly can give out in order to sit there and study for your exams. No questions, no excuses, does not matter whether you have the motivation or not, JUST DO IT! No more time left to feel negative and rue your relapse, that's one of the key things you wanna do, stay positive and keep going, get back up and get back on track.

Yeah, nobody said that NoFap is easy, it's tough but you gotta fight through the pain and discomfort. No urges are too strong to manage, only willpower, discipline and self-control that are too low. Try cold showers, exercise more often, try shadowboxing, cook a meal yourself and feel the heat in front of you, anything that can help you shake off those urges. I can give you some suggestions but there are many ways to skin a cat.

Something I learned from Mark Queppet is a little mind trick. If you crave PMO, close your eyes and imagine orgasm (nothing else, it's not fantasising) so your mind and desires are fulfilled mentally but you can continue to grind through your NoFap days and streak without actually relapsing. It's a mental trick, like fooling your own mentality, but from many sources it works (Mark's a life coach, credits given).

Another thing is to just relax and feel all the discomfort running through your body from the strong sexual urges. Eventually, if you don't give in, the tension will subside slowly and you will strengthen your mind in order to manage these feelings better in the future. Or you can flex all the muscles in your legs as much as possible, being the biggest muscle groups in your entire body, will help get rid of boners and fuse out sexual urges.

Once those urges are managed to a degree, stop minding them, divert all your focus and attention to what you wanna do. Wanna study? Do it. Wanna practise your backflips? Do it. I can't write out a full 12-week NoFap programme for you so you gotta find what works best for you. Most importantly, you gotta have dedication, willpower and desire. Know why you're here in the first place, make sure you're fully committed to what you wanna do, then do it. Good luck.