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PMO as a Cure for Sadness

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Sp!ke, Aug 14, 2018.

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  1. Sp!ke

    Sp!ke New Fapstronaut

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    Hi! I'm new to this community and I've been on NoFap for the last 7 days. I made it to five days on my first streak and then PMOed, did it again for another 2 days and just relapsed today. What I've noticed is that both times I'd been feeling a little down and sad and so my mind tries to pressure me into watching porn, even if I've started feeling better I still can't resist the urge to watch porn. So I wanted to ask, is there a way to avoid thinking about PMO when feeling down?

    To clarify, I don't suffer from depression or any kind of mental illness as far as I know, but I'm still a human and I'm prone to feeling sadness at any given time, and if the solution to that is looking at porn then that's obviously bad.
     
  2. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    That is the cycle of this beast. Most, if not all men use PMO as some form of medication. When we are bored, stressed, lonely, or sad our brains seek relief to these unpleasant feelings. We have conditioned ourselves to seek the dopemine for a quick fix. Our brain produces dopamine as a natural reward for accomplishment, aka pleasure. When we go straight for porn we are trying to force a reward for a problem we never solved. (Bored, stressed, lonely, sad, etc.)

    The only way to stop the cycle of returninhg to porn is to remove it from our life completely, then learn to face life head on. Experiencing all of the emotions in thier intensities not trying to cheat the reward. Find healthy ways to deal with unpleasant emotions.

    It is possible, take it day by day. Porn doesn't have to control you. You are doing a great and courageous thing by reclaiming your life. Keep it up.
     
  3. ReadyToStop

    ReadyToStop Fapstronaut

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    Hey man! Yep, you're right on schedule for a new Fapstronaut who is attempting to abstain. I believe you're in the "wow this is really hard" part of the healing process. Yes, when you're feeling blue you reach for what is easy. Some people eat a gallon of ice cream. Some people smoke cigarettes because they want immediate satisfaction. Compulsive behavior runs in tandem with malaise and bad feelings. The horrible truth about that cycle is, after the initial rush or pleasure, you end up lower than when you started.

    The only way to get past the sad parts without succumbing is to successfully do it without relapsing. The number of times you get through the tough times without PMOing makes it easier to get past it later on. Every win is a piece of armor that helps protect you from the next battle.

    Eventually the pleasure sensors in your brain that are screaming for dopamine will stop torturing you so much. That's how addiction works, and it's really tough to stay strong. Once your mind gets used to finding new ways to satisfy yourself ( Exercise, meditation, artwork, walking the dog, etc. ) the easier it will be to quit.
     
    Sp!ke likes this.
  4. Sp!ke

    Sp!ke New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! I appreciate the kind words and you're absolutely right, we like to think that porn is a "cure" for all the problems we have in life and that they can just go away if we masturbate enough, but in reality that's never the case.

    But the problem is that when you're sad and frustrated your inner animal starts taking control and you can't rationalize things properly, so your brain starts to convince you to do the bad habits as some sort of relief and down the slippery slope you go!

    It's like I'm looking at one thing and then out of nowhere I feel the urge to go incognito and do the other thing, if you know what I mean. It starts off with something small and innocent and then ends in unrestrained, hardcore porn. Moreover, it's so fucking easy to find porn on the internet nowadays it's become ridiculous, you can even find porn on Youtube now. And it's like, looking at anything these days can trigger my urges.

    I know that at least from now on I'll be turning on Safe Search on both Google and Youtube, hope that helps.
     
  5. Sp!ke

    Sp!ke New Fapstronaut

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    That's really the bottleneck that I've been trying to get through for so long, even before I found out about NoFap I knew that porn is unhealthy and bad for me and I did try quitting it multiple times, but the furthest I'd gotten before was 3 days before relapsing, and it all comes down to feeling insecure and finding security and intimacy in porn, but all it really does is leave you feeling guilty with a shitty aftertaste in your mouth.

    I always like to repeat to myself in situations like these is that "Sex is a tool not a goal", we simply won't die if we don't have sex because what matters is the love and the relationships that we form from that sex and not the act itself.

    I think that this what I should focus on getting through in the next few days.
     
  6. Uncomfortably Numb

    Uncomfortably Numb Fapstronaut

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    Simple but effective solution...
    1. Remove all sources of porn and
    2. Occupy your mind when the sadness, loneliness, boredom strikes
    Good luck
     
    Sp!ke likes this.
  7. ReadyToStop

    ReadyToStop Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Sp!ke How are we doing? Just wanted to see if you're in a good place. We're all here if you need us.
     
    Sp!ke likes this.
  8. I really felt identified with most of the things you said. Sometimes sadness arrives suddenly and I feel directed towards porn, as if I were programed to do it. I once thought that the solution was to "be rational" and stop all negative feelings. When having urges I used to try to clear my mind and remember the reasons I didn't want to fall into PMO. The problem is that many times I just couldn't. On those times, the animal part of my brain surpassed the rational part.

    I think that the true solution is not to ignore feelings as I used to do. And even though reasoning and strategy plays an important role in overcoming PMO, I think the most important thing is to find alternative activities that that clear your mind and relieve you from stress.

    Maybe the best path is to fill your day with healthy activities, specially those that are obligations or are important to you. Play sports, meditate a little, read, write, watch healthy movies, engage in art, exesrcise and do homework or work. Study. If you are religious, pray and participate in religious activities that help you to develop.

    As my dad once told to me: you should never have free time. I mean, of course you should take breaks from daily activities, but always plan what you are going to do next. Maybe going to walk, playing videogames, using social media or any other activity helps you to rest and that's great. But never leave spaces when you don't have anything to do, because that's the most dangerous time to fall into PMO.

    I'm no counselor or nothing of the sort, but this has helped me a lot and I wanted to share it.
     
    Sp!ke and Deleted Account like this.
  9. Sp!ke

    Sp!ke New Fapstronaut

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    So far so good. I have been able to get past the second day without relapsing. I took your advice to heart and I've been filling up my time with useful stuff. I found out that cold showers and sleeping early really do help a lot.

    Thanks for checking up on me :)
     
    im_broken likes this.
  10. ReadyToStop

    ReadyToStop Fapstronaut

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    Awesome! Keep up the good work. I think you can do this.
     
    Sp!ke likes this.
  11. Replace the PMO with something that is equally as addictive. But ideally something that is not as bad for you. Doing hobbies and stuff that is distracting is the best way. Make sure that you have things going on in your life, keep busy. I am dealing with depression, stress, anxiety, sadness all of it.

    Not a single relapse yet on this streak. The thought of PMO might be on my mind a few times a day but i don't act on it. Too busy programming, gaming, reading, watching movies/shows etc.. Have fun and entertain yourself just don't use the porn for comfort.
     
    Rodion Raskolnikov and Sp!ke like this.

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