Please stop allowing children to date at such a young age

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Jan 7, 2018.

  1. I see it everywhere, and i assume that it is not healthy because some children take relationships way too seriously, and act like they will be together forever. Children should be focusing on graduating school so they can get a scholarship to go to school for a career they want to have in the future. Dating at a young age is a distraction, and a middle school/highschool relationship will only last if you are very lucky, but that's rare. What makes me sick, too, is that parents encourage their kids to date at a young age. Why? Dating is for grown adults, not immature children who haven't reached adulthood.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 7, 2018
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  2. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    How old are we speaking of? I had “boyfriends” in middle school which back in the 90s meant we held hands at the most. I had a serious boyfriend in high school and one in college. I do not think that it had any effect on my studies, as I graduated top of my class and and graduated law school. I was never encouraged by my parents to date, but also not discouraged. These days it is different in the sense that sexually kids are moving too fast. But I believe that “dating” in the innocence of your younger years, is what prepares you to date in the real world. Even if it’s just a bubble gum elementary crush relationship, it still helps you learn how to interact with members of the opposite sex and gain confidence. I think not dating in high school is a detriment to the child. What you then see is kids out in adult life that have no clue how to date, interact, and end up sitting in their rooms alone because they are too scared to interact.
     
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  3. I was generalizing, i didn't mean all kids did that. Also, how does kids not dating cause them to not know how to interact. I'm sure kids with high confidence and high self esteem could be able to interact with people of the opposite sex by just talking to them. All it takes is maturity so they won't be lost when they date for the first time when they are adults. I don't see kids not dating in high school as a problem. There's parents who wouldn't even allow their kids to date until they're 18-20 years old for crying out loud. I completely respect your opinion, but that's just how i feel. Also, if kids get crushes, they can tell the person they have a crush on about it, but they shouldn't act on it until they are grown ups imo. I feel like if the two children both like each other, they should stay in contact for a long time, and then date when they are about 18-20 years old.
     
  4. EyesToSeeEarsToHear

    EyesToSeeEarsToHear Fapstronaut

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    From personal experience I definitely agree. I never had a gf until 25 yet always wanted one. I definitely didn't graduate at the top of anything.

    Voluntary celibacy is a great lifestyle. In my opinion the best.

    But involuntary loneliness does nothing but harm. It's just unnecessary pain with no upside.
     
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  5. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Understood, I definitely disagree with you that they should wait until 18-20 years old, that is way too late. The way that kids gain self confidence is by interacting with other opposite sex peers. Most of our self esteem is actually derived from childhood. That’s why when someone has low self esteem it is almost always directly related to something they experienced as a child. That’s not to say you can not improve upon that in adulthood, but you have to have a good foundation to build on. Serious dating, maybe that’s not for everyone. But going to the movies, etc, even in groups is a normal part of growing up. I say that because I read the posts on here from particularly men (this is a male based site so could be women too) have no idea how to approach women, date women, or even interact with them and they are adults. I stop and remember growing up and think how can this possibly be? In any event, most kids are going to date, and so the ones that don’t are going to be the ones that end up awkward in early adulthood. Some will learn their way out of that, but many will continue to struggle.
     
  6. Thomas Smith

    Thomas Smith Fapstronaut

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    I definitely disagree on this. IMO, that's a recipe for loneliness.
     
  7. Give me one good reason why children under 18 should date?
     
  8. Okay, i think the best way to get "experience" would be if people had friends of the opposite sex. If they become friends and have a long friendship, than that would be an innocent, platonic bond between them. Wouldn't that get them ready for dating when they're in the adulthood?
     
  9. So kids should date as young as possible?
     
  10. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    No it’s not the same thing. Yes platonic relationships are good. But dating in high school allows teens to learn to deal with and negotiate feelings that are involved in romantic relationships while under the safety of their parents’ roof. Have your heart broken at 16, you have Mom and Dad to lean on and learn from, at 30? Being in a relationship is something you learn how to do and the more you do it the better you get. Relationships are one of the most important things we all do and have in life. Experimenting and learning is what childhood is for. The other reason, love. I have many friends who married their high school sweetheart. And no not at any age, high school maybe so,e group outings in middle school. If the majority of people learn relationships in high school and you don’t learn them until age 30 you will have issues. Don’t believe me? Ask some “late bloomers”. In the scheme of things sure education is important but on your death bed are you thinking about books one your Job? Nope you are thinking of your loved ones. Schools no longer teach basic life skills and kids are so protected they don’t know how to act. So much focus on educating but I’m the end what really matters?
     
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  11. What if a kid dated until they graduated high school, or until they make it to college? Also, if kids get their heart "broken," they shouldn't be so sensitive. They know what they were getting themselves into. School relationships rarely last forever. So if there were parents who didn't allow their kids to date until they graduate high school, that's the parent's fault?
     
  12. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    So they dated for the summer between Hs and college? Three months? I was 17 when I graduated high school. And what if they don’t go to college.

    People get their hearts broken it has nothing to do with being overly sensitive. It’s a normal reaction to rejection or the end of a relationship. If you were not hurt it would be abnormal. Read about heartbreak on NoFap. It’s men and women and people of all ages.

    All parents have a right to set whatever boundaries they want with their kids, that’s a personal decision. Personally I was allowed to date at 16 and I will do the same with my kids. But it’s not my place to judge someone who raises kids differently. That’s why I don’t agree with a blanket statement that kids should not be allowed to date. And truly this is hypothetical because most kids date. Either they lie to their parents or tell them.

    Is it a parents fault if a child’s later messed up in life due to not dating? That’s a weighted question. Is it nature or nuture? I do think parents play a large role in who we become as adults so much so that even when we try to fight turning into them we can’t. But most are just doing the best that can and making what they think is the best decisions.

    I think the best advice is to create an environment where kids will come to you no matter what. So blanket statements like no dating won’t do that. But set boundaries too.

    The most awkward men I have encountered in life in relationships went to an all boys school and did not date, had strict parents and could not date or just did not. Btw the kids with strict parents who never let them do anything are the ones that go to college and go crazy.
     
  13. What are these "boundaries" that you speak of? Letting kids date young doesn't sound like one to me. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't. I just don't get the hype of "dating" at a young age.
     
  14. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    That’s okay. You can make that choice for your kids. Boundaries can be curfews, requirement that the parents meet the person, group dating only, etc.
     
  15. I’m starting to regret creating this thread. I should have kept my feelings to myself.
     
  16. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Why? There is nothing wrong with expressing your opinion. You can do nothing but learn from people that disagree with you. Does not mean it will change your mind, but it may allow you to see someone else’s point of view. Everyone has their own personal family values that they will pass along to their children. No one should tell you what those are, or tell you how to raise your kids. You. Just asked a general question, and I answered it.
     
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  17. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    How old are you?
     
  18. I'm a teen, that's all i'm gonna say. I've never been on a date in my life, but do i want one now? NO. Not because i'm scared, but because i am too young to date, and i need to focus on more important things for now. I'll date when i am an adult. Dating isn't a priority for me right now.
     
  19. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    1. Dating is fun! It is a great opportunity to get to know different people and discover what kind of person you are, and what kind of person you like to hang out with. Plus, it sets the stage for great stories like the time my buddy Fauz launched his 1998 Lincoln Towncar off the railroad tracks on the way to prom! And that, after losing a part in my driveway as we left to get our dates! I actually wrote this idea last, but realised it was so important I made it no. 1. Dating is fun - you get to laugh and tell stories and get to know people and make new friends and learn about yourself and try things you wouldn't otherwise if there wasn't someone to go with and feel your heart jump as she slips her hand into yours as you walk through the park at night and...so many good things!
    2. Forbidding it creates more problems. It is much better to give teens the opportunity and outlet for their energy in a constructive way and offer them guidance through the process than to let them struggle through the darkness on their own. That's why States with abstinence-only sex-ed actually show higher teenage pregnancy rates.
    3. Adolescence is a critical time for building a sense of identity. They start to see themselves as separate from their family unit and look for connections to other social groups. Dating is a really healthy way of discovering what kind of person one is, in a new social setting. For example, I never thought I'd be the kind of guy to share lip balm with his girlfriend, and now that I'm in a relationship I have no qualms about it, because chapped lips hurt to kiss with.
    4. Teens are developing a new understanding of morality. Where before they understood that rules were rules and had to be followed (regardless of who made them), they begin to understand that rules are agreements made between people in order to keep the peace, and that rules, then, are flexible (the Social Contract). I swear a grade 9's favourite question is "why" - it's like they're 4 again! Forbidding dating before 18 will ultimately prove futile as all the 16-year-olds sing in unison, "you're not the boss of me" and sneak out. This could pose a significant safety risk to one's children - even from a teacher's perspective, I'd rather know what is going on and have the ability to intervene, than to not know and have the potential for people to get really hurt.
    5. The end goal of dating isn't sex, or even procreation. See, even married couples with children understand the importance of continuing to date, so much so that they'll spend money on leaving the children behind. Elderly couples, well past the childbearing age, will still go on dates. Because dating is about developing a relationship with another person and cultivating love and affection within that relationship. Which, when you think about it, is a really good thing to do, regardless of age.
     
  20. So i should start dating asap?
    Okay now that is just an annoying stereotype. As i mentioned before, i am a teenager who has never been on a date in his entire life BY CHOICE. My parents told me i can date until i graduate high school, and that i'm too young to date now. Did i go behind their backs and date anyways? NO. Did i disobey that rule? NO.
     

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