Please help me plan my Reboot!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Raise the Bar, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. Raise the Bar

    Raise the Bar New Fapstronaut

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    Help me Reboot PLEASE!
    Please tell me what to do and help me tailor a reboot program based on my profile. I have written almost all the details I think are relevant for a analysis of my problem. I have opened up about the most fucked details about my life. Please don't judge and just help me. I want to change my life. HELP ME!

    About Me
    I am a 26 year old who is physically and mentally fit with no known disability, disease or mental issues.

    Frequency of PMO
    I started masturbating at the age of 15. Now I'm 26 years old. I've been masturbating almost every day since the past 9 years atleast. And since the past 6-7 years I've been watching porn while doing so (earlier I used to rely on images and stories).
    Two years ago I started smoking hash and developed the habit of masturbating to porn after getting high. There were a few gaps in the regularity of this habit but there were months when I did this around 5 times a week and ended up masturbating more than once in one night (sometimes 3 times in one night). It was around this time that I moved to porn categories like cuckolding.

    Sex Life
    I come from a very conservative family and society. The oppressive restrictions meant that having sex wasn't an easy task. This coupled with the fact that for the longest time I considered pre-marital sex a great sin meant that the first time I kissed a girl was at age of 21. After that I continued to occasionally (once in 2 months; she lived in another city) have sexual encounters with the same girl and I used to be able to get erections which were hard to maintain. She used to blow me off but my orgasms were delayed. Furthermore, to actually orgasm during the blowjobs/handjobs, some of the times I needed to think about my fucked up porn induced sexual fantasy about her (i.e. having sex with her while her brother waited outside the door)

    I realised I had a major problem when I tried to penetrate her for the first time at the age of 23. I was hard because she had just given me a blow job but as soon as I tried to penetrate her I lost my erection. And this happened at a few more occasions, after which I realised I shouldn't even try. Needless to say, I didn't stop watching porn all the while I was with her.

    Porn Categories/Fantasies
    My porn interests transformed over time from milf porn to rough sex and then to what I watch now: cheating/cuckolding (have been on it since two years). And I imagine myself in the role of the cuckold, not the bull (porn has fucked me up I know)

    Erections
    My erections while watching porn are still considerably hard. Basic sexual intimacy with a girl usually gets me really hard but its impossible to maintain the erection, especially when I try to penetrate her. Which is why I have never had sexual intercourse in my life

    Relationship Status
    I'm not involved in anything serious right now so it's up to me to continue sexual activity or to completely abstain. Basically, no girlfrien and thus no pressure of disappointing anyone with abstinence.

    Smoking/Drinking/Drugs
    I've been a smoker for 2 years now but I dont drink or do any hard drugs (only hash/hashish/marijuana).

    Earlier Attempts at Rebooting
    I have made half-hearted attempts at rebooting in the past 2 months after I read about the issue of PIED on the internet. I abstained from PMO for 12 days and starting having morning wood. After 12 days I tested the effect of the reboot with my new girlfriend and unfortunately, got the same result; not being able to maintain an erection. Last night was so humiliating when I lost my erection WHILE she was giving me a blowjob.



    HELP ME!
    I want to have sex with my girlfriend. I want to have sex like normal people do. I want to be able to maintain erections during sex. I know I can reboot (or atleast give it my best shot), but I don't know what timeline to set and whether or not I should get into sexual relations during the reboot. Help me with that and also to understand the extent of the problem I have. Where do I stand? Where do I go from here? HELP ME PLEASE!
     
    Wordinhaler and overclocked like this.
  2. Aware

    Aware Fapstronaut

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    Wow , I've only been here for a few weeks but have seen alot of new "Help Me Get Started" posts, that was the most organized, well written one I have seen. You are MOTIVATED, which is the most important first step. and you are correct, if you dont break the porn addiction , having a normal sex life is unlikely.

    Also, your test after 12 days of no PMO with your girlfriend might have been too soon, plus I am sure you were so focused on and stressful / anxious about results , you goose was sort of cooked before you started.

    Have you already kicked porn addiction, and asking about the next phase or are you still watching porn?
     
    overclocked likes this.
  3. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

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    I like you, @Raise the Bar , you seem to be serious about this :)

    I will make a suggestion. You can of course change the plan to your personal preferences. Let's first make a list of main objectives. Gotta know where we are heading. Then let's look at a plan based on my personal experience. Note: any plan can fail and there are always things going to happen which you can't be prepared for. So never follow the plan too closely.


    Main objectives:
    1. Quit PMO
    2. Recover from porn induced fetishes
    3. Recover from porn induced ED
    4. Develop a positive attitude towards sexuality
    Phases of rebooting:
    1. Gathering information and mental preparation
    2. Getting started: Quitting porn
    3. Rewiring to real life action
    4. Once an addict, always an addict: staying critical
    Note: The phases of rebooting are probably overlapping, but maybe you need to seperate them (especially 2 and 3)

    Let's describe what you should do in each phase.
    1. Gathering information and mental preparation. Take some time to lurk and to take everything in. Use all resources to your advantage: nofap.com, r/nofap, youtube. It is crucial that you visit yourbrainonporn.com to get familiar with the science behind addiction and rebooting. Read all articles there. Then read them again.
    Know what you're getting into. Be prepared to make a journy of continence that might take years until you get the desired results. Look at the main objectives. How bad do you want to reach them?

    2. Time to get serious. Set up your day counter to see how long you can go. If seeing your counter makes you uncomfortable, hide it in a spoiler. Create your journal, write regularly and also get in touch with other rebooters. You can motivate and hold each other accountable. Don't miss the success story section for some extra motivation!
    We all relapsed a lot when we started out. You will, too. Try to find out what triggers you (makes you relapse). Avoid all of it. If you need to delete your social media to not stray from your path... do so. Get rid of everything that might hold you back. If you have to, go into social isolation. That's radical you say? How bad do you want it again?
    This is the longest and most important phase and can feel like a walk through the desert. Be prepared.
    By the way, at some point you will likely want to try out all kinds of self improvement techniques. Don't overdo it. Change little things if there is a need to. Remember your main objectives; exhausting yourself will lead to disaster, but so does underachieving so don't get lazy.

    3. You already have a gf so this phase might overlap with all other phases. However, this relationship might fall apart. You might have to be the one to end it if your sexual issues are too bad. Sorry to say.
    Reconnect with people. You would be surprised how sexually healthy human interaction can be. Nofap, btw, allows you to connect with people on a totally new level. Look forward to these effects.
    Once you feel better and have enough self control and the energy to try out intimacy then get a gf. Just to get it out of the way: no kinky shit with her, ever! If she tries to do something funny, end the relationship then and there.
    Be patient and enjoy the process. This is a good time to ask yourself why you became addicted to PMO and to certain genres of porn. (Often it's a random genre, but sometimes there is more to it). Try to understand what was going on and work on these issues, alone, with your partner, or even with a therapist (be careful though, a lot of modern therapists support disgusting kinks).

    4. Once PMO is no part of your life anymore, stay critical. Even though you probably have repaired the "damage", you could still slip again if you became overconfident. Give advice to other fapstronauts, because nothing helps you learn better than teaching.
    Enjoy your success, act responsibly and keep practicing sexual hygiene: never tolerate anything that can harm your sexual health.
    This is a lifelong phase :)

    Good luck. Really hope it helped. Any questions?
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2019
    Aware likes this.
  4. Aware

    Aware Fapstronaut

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  5. 1. Watch videos listing the benefits of NoFap
    2. Keep on reminding yourself of the benefits of NoFap
    3. Don't engage in any of your sexual fantasies (both mentally and physically) as they can lead to relapses
    4. Do things in life you and your health will benefit from like quit smoking and taking cold showers
    5. Get into a good sleeping habit
    6. Become God himself

    Good luck
     

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