Hello, please help me. I have a sissy, genderbending, shemale, ladyboy, CD, trans, basically non straight fetish and I love watching porn. I watch porn every day and usually multiple times a day and masturbate too. I tried not masturbating but lasted a week at most. This has become a huge problem because now even when I watch straight porn with just man and a woman I imagine myself being the woman and wearing all those sexy clothes and submitting to a man sexually it even got to a point where I went out and tried it a few times thinking I was just closeted gay man but that didn’t go so well. I hated it and I felt disgusted and sick to my stomach afterwards. In my fantasies it's just so hot because the women in porn enjoy it but in reality, it's not, it's disgusting and I always feel sick. This has been happening for the majority of my life and I'm almost 30 now. I used to crossdress and do all the typical CD stuff but always after the orgasm felt shame and guilt and quickly removed and hid all the items associated with that. I just lost the 2nd gf in my life because I was watching porn, it started slowly and with straight stuff then it progressed to such an extreme that I even bought hormones in hopes I will get better more female orgasms. These all gender bending videos and images made me think I'm transgender and I'm supposed to transition otherwise why the fuck do I get so turned and think about being the woman. I used to watch sissy training videos and have a bottle of poppers nearby and a dildo up my ass so that my orgasms would be more female like. I am sorry if this is too graphic but I need help. I cannot continue living like this and was even thinking that if this doesn’t stop and I cannot get it under control I will commit suicide. I will not break another womans heart again because of this bullshit. I feel like I'm a disgusting piece of shit for doing that to her and for getting so addicted to porn. I am totally new to this whole NoFap thing and I could use some help, thank you. Also I don’t know if this fits in the right forum and again sorry for maybe too much info.