Plea for encouragement

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by hangemhigh, Oct 29, 2017.

  1. Sorry, guys. My loneliness and my despair at ever overcoming my loneliness weighed on me so heavily this past weekend that I relapsed. This is disappointing to say the least, in light of the fact that I was able to string together 43 days prior to the relapse. My thinking in my head went something like this: "you are way beyond the point where relating to a woman meaningfully and intimately is a realistic possibility for you. The only recourse left to you now is the vicarious pleasure of watching naked men and women make love in sexually explicit videos. That is your only connection to the world of love from which you have been forever shut out. Take it or leave it." I want to overcome this mindset, but I need encouragement.
     
  2. I know all too well that feeling of hopelessness and I actually thought those same thoughts the last 2 days which were 40 & 41 for me. I too long so much for the love and companionship of a woman, yet I feel unworthy to even talk to women. Not even close. In the midst of the strongest urge I've faced in this current streak, I asked myself, will going back to porn make this feeling go away? No. It's an empty lie. Right after the deed is done follows the misery. The self loathing. The longer we stay away from porn, the more confidence we'll gain. Of course there will be ups and downs, but you can pick yourself back up. Get right back on the horse of self control and keep riding.
     
  3. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Such a familiar situation and I have been relapsing lately too. I once had a 240 day streak and had the courage to ask out my crush but now I'm on day one and as lonely as ever. I have a healthy view of women and am trying to do everything right. But I never had a relationship with anyone or even ever kissed a girl. This fact looms over me and can feel discouraging but I can't give up. Have to have faith in the system. Have to keep making the right choices and take advantage of opportunity. I don't have many friends or a girlfriend and my life kind of sucks right now. But I'm looking forward to the future. If I keep becoming a better version of myself, then one day I will be able to find love. Just keep at it and don't throw away progress for a few seconds of pleasure.
     
    hangemhigh and Knighthawk like this.
  4. Thanks, guys, I really appreciate it. It's good to know that I'm not alone out there. I regret that I didn't take PMO more seriously when I was younger. I have a clearer vision now of what a self-disciplined man who engages confidently with women from a position of authentically masculine strength looks like, but it's been very hard lately coping with the thought that so much time has been lost. In fact, I have been losing sleep over it. But I have to convince myself that it's not too late, that I can begin again in the present, and hold out hope, even if it's only a shred. I'll be content with a shred at this point.

    On another note, I am particularly vulnerable to relapse on Friday nights and Sunday afternoons--Friday nights usually because an extra drink at happy hour makes me more reckless with myself and Sunday afternoons because it's family time and since I have no family of my own I tend to indulge in self-pity.

    Good luck to you guys. Hang in there, and I truly hope you will meet your personal and relationship goals.
     
    Knighthawk likes this.
  5. Such Small Hands

    Such Small Hands Fapstronaut

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    You'll be alright. In terms of a relationship, there'll be time for that. You've got a whole life ahead of you and who knows what might happen? I can say that if you overcome this to any significant degree it'll quite possibly be easier for you to find someone special.

    This addiction thing sucks. I'm with you. The despair overcomes me, and I say: why the hell not? You're worthless anyway.

    Those are illusions, deceptions. I might be filth-ridden and ashamed, but I can improve myself, and there is always a chance at redemption, especially if you're aware of your shortcomings. You seem to be self-aware and able to articulate that which disturbs you. That's awesome.

    You got this. Stay strong.
     
    hangemhigh likes this.
  6. lamstronger

    lamstronger Fapstronaut

    Well, you need to work on that self confidence, otherwise it might happen again. What helps me at hard times, is talking to someone, as well as remembering why I started this journey of self improvement. Also having a pair of dumbbells in my room helps. Good luck! Once you get used to it, the benefits are amazing.
     
  7. I did notice that I had more energy and motivation to interact socially when I succeeded in avoiding PMO for 43 days. In other words, I did notice the benefits.
     

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