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Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by need4realchg, Apr 16, 2019.
Not for a porn addict that has not reboted.
Hi 'change !
It seems there is a whole lot of discontinuity here ! Your user name suggests you want a change, but you also seem to want to engage in activities that really don't seem wise for someone that appears to be undergoing some struggles in your noPMO journey. What about a naturist beach is going to help your noPMO journey ?
You want to challenge yourself ? Challenge yourself for what at a naturist beach ?
You are too tired to fight PMO... BUT you seek a "challenge" by going to a naturist beach ? It might be good to embrace noPMO as the challenge that it is and work on dealing with the noPMO challenge. You don't hate PMO because its invasive ? Well, there are a lot of things that are invasive to the point of being pervasive that I still hate ! Cancer tops my list. Just because something is invasive and difficult to fight doesn't mean it has to be less worth fighting.
It seems like this might be a good time for you to reflect on why you embarked upon the noPMO journey as it seems like your goals and objectives need refreshing. Perhaps that would be a good challenge for you: challenge yourself to working towards a goal that is difficult to achieve, for which you have to endure struggles, and which you CAN reach it you try !
One day at a time is how we all succeed.
Exactly. You have perfectly summed up the dilemma I feel I have.
For me, the nudist beach represents a change in my perspective, radically improve my own self control ( we aren’t dogs just running up and shagging, and a way to document my health recovery.
Let me address this from a religious perspective for a second. When I was about 13 I had ideals about the “right way to live, education, marriage, children, etc” and I remember planning to do what was right accordingly to those ideals. As I grew I wanted to be more religious, more in line with the prescribed way to live in spite of the hormones that I felt.
Well I chose according to my head and ignored my hearts desires, to kiss girls (first kiss happened at 16), I ignored my desire to explore sexually (one partner before marriage @19), ignored my hearts desire to travel like a nomad instead went to university, etc.
The desire to explore did not go away. I don’t know if they ever do, but I firmly believed that they were supposed to. I had at one point questioned my sexuality because my desires did not seem to match what I knew to be right. I don’t mean gay vs straight I mean polyamorous. It’s not practiced today openly here in the us hardly, but in many countries men have multiple women as either concubines, mistresses, or wives. Monogamy vs an open relationship.
I have decided I will never remarry or divorce personally, but I know I am not yet in the right state of mind. I have trouble focusing, concentrating and deciding basic things all because of PMO. The longest streak I have had was for a few days and it’s because I have trained myself to staying at hostels when I travel to ensure that fapping is Harder to achieve.
But I think some ppl from religious or strict conservative backgrounds seem to self-induce more of a pent up struggle between what we want versus what we are supposed to want. At least it feels that way Compared to kids who experience personal liberty with freedom from a younger age.
As for your suggestion:
Why don’t I just focus on nofap reboot?
Well I have several issues with the nofap challenge:
1). It’s very scary to admit to anyone that I fail anything , and for me this is a challenge because I’m perfectionist, I hate missing the expectation in any setting. Just focusing on that (which I’ve done previously) by myself or with guided counseling will fail eventually because it’s me at the helm of the ship. I haven’t done it like this before so I’m open to having a different outcome but I want to maximize the pain of doing something different for good healthy outcome.
2). My heart does NOT want to do the nofap challenge 100%. Let’s face it. Nobody does. otherwise we would buy a porn blocker and block ourselves from the opportunity and done. “I wanna do it on my own without a blocker.” Is a logical fallacy and now I see that. Some of the members here have convinced me of that in just 7 days. lol. And actually I now feel it is time to install some blockers in my devices.
3). There is no inherent power to change within yourselves (this is my religious belief); we are programmed to PMO.
4). This challenge requires patience. you have to embrace a relapse, failure, rebooting. There’s not a pill you can take once and beat this. P turns us into impatient monsters.
5). Self control: every addict has major problems with self-control or they would not be here in the first place. I’m here to develop self control for other purposes as well , I want to maximize this new direction.
6). Before coming here I have tried to stop. I was very extreme in my attempts; I imagined I would be best if I were blind. I was deliberately careless with my eyesight for that. I then determined I would be better if I were castrated or mutilated and while I never performed any self-surgery I did seriously investigate it. I shiver away only because I realized it would affect my future mate. I threatened to harm myself out of an attempt to get my body to conform to my no PMO ideal; but you know shame takes hold. I’ve done counseling with multiple counselors but how much can you improve in one hour? They are human and aren’t all designed for nofap-level-intensity. I have tried reading, fasting, praying, camps, making myself promises, etc. I have failed so many times that I don’t want to take it so serious only to fail again. So just to be clear for me, there’s lots of things unraveling to make way for P because it’s an addiction that’s affected my time, my finances, my outlook, my professional career to certain degree. It’s time to my life back in order.
As for why do I think of the nudist beach as a suitable challenge in spite of my aforementioned issues with the nofap reboot ?
Let’s imagine ourselves , as a doctor for a Moment. Your job is to observe the human body and diagnose, analyze, reconstruct, etc. They are focused on people and health care, not body parts and PM.
I think the trained focus of a mind makes lusting after someone much harder if not impossible. They are after all people not objects. I desperately need to see people like people, and embrace the ugliness of nudity. P makes us very picky ... so actual nudity isn’t airbrushed. I recall a gal I met in Sai Paulo she was cute but I would not even kiss her because she was tall and had a birth mark on her shoulder. A birth mark. Sigh.
The beach we all know us designed to show your body and relax. Unless you can’t show any skin for religious reasons all beaches are this way. The nudist part appeals to my desire to again live without shame. 3 things as to how I can gauge my journey.
1– Nudism is not necessarily sexy, case in point have you ever walked in in your dad or mom after a shower?
2– since I am actively doing exercise, hydrating, being self aware of my body’s needs to “punish” myself for having wasted so much time with PMO, the challenge for me is to be in the best shape of my life and be able to show it without any shame.
3. PMO is my walk of shame. I have never shared my shame with anyone because of feeling ashamed. That entrapment leads to more shame. That cycle is indeed Vicious. So now to be focused in being free from shame more than being free from PMO, because shame is the greater evil.
I like your idea too , to make my reboot the goal, it is as well, but for the reasons I outline. I was able to abstain for years from actual sexual interaction but my self control i think never increased; I simply was learning to manage my addiction or lust was managed.
I suppose we guys “manage” our addictions Then get married and while under stress the real “person” comes out and the SO feels “betrayed.” Well we feel the same helplessness with living with us, we are trapped inside of us!
Sorry for rambling, trying to think clearer is still hard at times.
Updating this as I’m sitting in the gym and rethinking this.
This is a nice gym. I’m in the hipster part of Monterrey, think Salt Lake City or Tahoe....
Olympic lap pool, huge facility spa etc.
It dawns on me , these places (for guys at least) are already semi nude.
As Calvin and Hobbes used to say “bleeech!” Yuck. Growing up I played soccer but never ever ever ever ever thought public showers were ok. It hits me that in all of my pmo I have never considered that.
I have seen love sex acts, and watches the guy, etc , but all of the people were clothed. Makes me see things a little differently. I recall I have been asked multiple times to do threesomes but that just grossed me out. I am glad I am grossed out still. Honestly I was starting to worry!!
So I’m in the changing room getting ready and I kid you not, Santa Claus, with his bright-moonshine ass covered like a polar bear creates a temporary eclipse of my light. I realize this is NOT what I want! Lol.
I want to be in a place of showcasing my efforts and to be proud of it definitely not just nudity.
Maybe a body building competition is closer along the lines of what I’m thinking. I really am puzzled I didn’t see this before.
The last time I went to a Turkish bath was in Peru and I though it was so posh and it was. As GPS says: “recalibrating....”