PINPOINT WHAT IT IS that makes your turn away from urges

For me right now it the thought that every time I PMO im delaying my self growth. Im 31 years old and I havent achieved what I was supposed in my 20s. I feel stuck and I am responsable of it. Addiction = avoiding, avoiding= no self growth= frustration,depression.

 

I think I posted this one in the Buddhist group earlier. In the teaching about interdependent origination there are 12 links, a few of which outlines sense medium and sense object, the contact between the two, which is followed by feeling, then craving, then clinging. I'm mentioning it here as a useful psychological framework only.

Notice feeling is a distinct step from craving, and clinging is further down that path. So what I've come to do is when I feel it, I check for volition or my intention around whether I pursue something. It may be when I notice a post on here is by a username that sounds female or is in the women's section. If there's nothing warranting my interest in the subject title, I may stop short of clicking on the link as early as this stage because that movement is not based on the intention for recovery. The particular feeling may feel like the prelude to craving so I don't even want to turn the corner on that.

 

This is what I do. 1. I wrap my dick in tape.
2. I do squats / pushups.
3. Listen to music. I listen to songs I used to listen to a few years back, with my friends. I remember we would walk down the street, playing music on my friend's speaker. And, when I listen to the songs we used to play, I get vibes from a few years back, and the urges flush out of me.
4. Cold water. I have a bottle of cold water near my bed, and I pour that on my balls when getting urges. Ice works too.

 

It's a thought. A thought that I will never be what I'm capable of being if I submit back to the addiction. This feeling is stronger than any urge. Also the fact that I have already wasted a lot of time in my life, and I know what feeling unsuccessful is like. Currently I have a specific goal, basically I need to be as good as I can be within a certain time frame. I don't have a chance to waste my time like I have before if I want that success.