Phone tracking

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Hotpotts, May 18, 2018.

  1. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

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    Is it possible to track my SO's phone? I really don't want to have to do this but I just feel like I'm having the wool pulled over my eyes and him not technically lying to me but not exactly being honest.
    My underlying feeling is that he has secrets. Like the fact he earns more money than me but doesn't seem to have any, yet I have quite a bit saved up.
    Having large phone bills but is on an unlimited contract with his phone.
    Sick of being suspicious and just want to either put my mind at rest or kick him out!
     
  2. NewMoon

    NewMoon Fapstronaut

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    Open and honest communication and dialogue. Share your concerns with him and ask your questions directly.
     
  3. NewMoon

    NewMoon Fapstronaut

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    I get it. I think most (men and women) are incapable of truly understanding their emotions and communicating them effectively to their partners. I think it ultimately comes from the fear of being alone. Unfair that the rules to the relationship are dictated by your SO. My apologies if thoughts are veering off topic.
     
  4. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Please allow me to clarify something for you. ALL PAs are incapable of telling the truth until such time they are genuinely no longer a PA, Period!

    Here is the best way to know if he is telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. STOP sneaking around and looking for ways to "track" his phone. Simply lay it out this way:

    "Is there anything whatsoever, on your phone, that you would not want me to see"?

    IF "YES"

    "Then what is it?" AND THEN (because you want to see for yourself if he told you everything)

    IF "NO"

    "I want to see your phone, right here, right now! I want the access code to open the phone, and then I want sufficient opportunity, time to be determined at my discretion, to look through it at my leisure unimpeded and without you looking over my shoulder. If you refuse, go pack a suitcase. This is a one time offer, because I'm certainly not going to give you any opportunity to go wipe your phone clean prior to my having any opportunity to make discovery for myself. I already know what I know (and he doesn't even have to know what that means)"

    Now, only you can decide what your boundary is here. But I highly suggest you take the brute force method of looking at this, because HE WILL LIE HIS ASS OFF TO PROTECT HIS ADDICTION!

    And @Heckinmad, LOL, why don't you tell us how you really feel? "Rude"? Why I find that just direct and to the point. Good for you!
     
  5. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

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    Done all that, still won' be fully honest with me and is in denial
     
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  6. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

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    so yeah - one easy way is with google maps under location sharing. it's not covert and can be turned off. if you have access to his phone you could turn it on and maybe he wouldn't even notice. doesn't require installing any apps assuming he has a google account.

    there also other co-operative location sharing apps. there have to be many covert apps too - i just don't know about them.
     
  7. What exactly do you want? If he has any accountability software on his phone, like MobileFence, then some of those will give you location. My husband has MobileFence (android app), EverAccountable, and we both have Life360 on our phones (gives our location to each other, and route). We both have nothing to hide. My husband says he likes having these on his phone because it keeps him accountable. Is your PA at a place where he wants accoutability? Does he have a AP?

    If he isn't being honest, then boundaries should be set to keep you emotionally safe.

    So are you talking monitoring, accountbale, or spyware apps that you want?
     
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  8. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    Any software that gives other people access to my private information (especially stuff like my location) makes me really uncomfortable. This might be an unpopular opinion here, but I think that sort of software is somewhat of a bandage, rather than a remedy for the underlying issue of broken trust. If your partner is truly untrustworthy and is really lying to you consistently, then software that lets you see his phone activity isn't going to make him trustworthy again: it's just going to be an inconvenience for him. That sort of software exposes a lot of information about a person, but clever people will still be able to find a way to conceal information.

    I don't know exactly what helps to re-build trust in a relationship where trust is broken, but I know that it takes lots of time. You aren't going to trust your partner more until he shows you that he's trustworthy through his actions, and that's a really difficult thing to do. I know that isn't exactly the best advice, but however it happens, I know it's possible to regain confidence and safety with someone who has broken your trust. I just don't think that installing software of any sort is going to make your partner more honest or more trustworthy.
     
  9. @Ridley I think the software is a bandage as well... as in that won't solve the problem. BUT, software like that keeps one accountable, and with enough time can SHOW real results in change and honesty. One day the software can be gone if the recovering addict or SO thinks it's time to move beyond that, but in the early stages I think it's important for the addict to have accountability and the SO be able to confirm their reality. But that's just my opinion.
     
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  10. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Exactly. I hope with Consistency, we can get rid of our software someday
     
  11. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    Well, I think it's a positive thing that you see removing the software as a long-term goal. It shows that you understand there's a deeper issue there.
     
  12. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    A good way to show this is with information you can verify, like through an app that can show location. So, if my husband says he is going for a hike after work, I can look and see, yep, there he is, on a hike where he said he would be. These little things, when you build up enough of them, help to repair the trust (not just location of course, but that's one).
     
  13. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Are you looking for just location tracking or tracking all activity? I wholeheartedly disagree with anyone telling you that is not how you handle things. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and if they have pushed you to the point that you have to track them to find the truth, so be it. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for it.
     
  14. hope4healing

    hope4healing Fapstronaut

    Although these kinds of apps can help to rebuild trust, it seems to me like the OP isn't exactly at that stage yet. It's more to confirm possible gaslighting and dishonesty. There are apps to track phone activity, location, calls/texts, etc. You have to decide what it is you want to know.

    If your gut is telling you something isn't right, it's usually correct. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise until you know for sure.
     
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  15. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut

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    Totally agree.. there are ways around everything. My husband has covenant eyes... but all I did was search how to get around covenant eyes and boom there was the answer. Right on Google search. And I have 360 on my phone with him as well. But he could leave his phone somewhere and go somewhere else. I feel like it gives me somewhat of a false sense of hope. I still want him to have them but I always remember he can get around it if he wants to.
     
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  16. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    I think the idea is that she wants to install it without him knowing.
     
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  17. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut

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    I see...
     
  18. Tapati1982

    Tapati1982 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey

    any good apps to track all activity, esp any deleted history?
     
  19. passionforus

    passionforus Fapstronaut

    I have been suspicious for 3 years. without access to his phone to install software, I actually hid cameras in our home :( It took me presenting him with the video clips and images with our counselor before he admitted to having a problem. This was last week. He was in total and complete denial up until then. I tried ALL of the above before. I would have him hand me his phone. Of course, he was sooooo very careful and I never found anything. The camera proved what I knew all along. His self-proclaimed IBS and 4-6 trips to the bathroom a day for 20 min at a time was him masturbating to anything and everything. Even though I knew it still broke my heart. I was so nervous to tell him I knew and feeling ashamed of myself for even having installed the cameras and going to that length. I was afraid he would never forgive me. I made sure to talk to our counselor before our session who assured me I had to tell him. AND that I had every reason to do it. When approached he was mad . . . but admitted it was a possible issue. This all happened last week. My advice . . . . . do what you need to do. My husband would have NEVER admitted it was a problem and it would have continued to drive a wedge between us. Unfortunately, I have a ton of therapy to go through myself to try to get those images and video clips out of my mind. :( I hope this helps. PS there is also I program called WebWatcher. If you can get your hands on his apple id you can see some stuff. Its expensive and I am on day one with it but it will be worth it for my piece of mind.
     
  20. spudiron

    spudiron Fapstronaut

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    This doesn't directly answer the question, and is imperfect in its own way. But some routers can log internet activity (which computers went to which websites). This is external of the phone, so it doesn't matter if he's looking with incognito mode or deletes his internet history. Shortfalls are if he is looking outside the house or using cellular data rather than the house network. Google's returns of "tracking web activity on router" turned up some useful results.

    You might need a username/password (often printed on the router itself) and it might've been changed (which is recommended for security reasons).
     

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