Perception of women

I'm not sure I can help here. I'm sure you can reduce how often you do it and get some control of it but it's quite normal to imagine women naked. Don't let it prevent you from seeing her as a person and treating her with respect but a healthy male mind that isn't completely fried with porn is going to constantly be checking out chicks. It's literally natural.

 

Porn will destroy your sense of what is natural. It is natural to look at girls, very natural. Obviously, porn isn't natural.

 

I think a lot of it has to do from our long term P use. I often find myself doing the same thing you are just because I have been exposed/addicted to P for over a decade. Who knows how effed up our brains really are after a decade of P use. It's natural to be attracted to women but unnatural to always fantasize sexually about her and only see her as a sex object. It's especially hard at the beach when they're wearing bikinis when literally 95% of their body is showing. They definitely don't make it easy for us with the stuff they wear nowadays

 

focus on the 90 days. don't look buts. women don't like that. it's hard, I need to follow my own advice. I think it is being male, not just looking at porn that creats this. but don't be to hard on your self.

 

As someone who has not viewed any porn for nearly 3 years i can tell you that women are still extremely attractive, however the difference is the amount of time you spend wrapped up in fantasy. I have learned to control this through meditation and basically, abstinence from porn. Now when I see a really attractive woman i still think 'wow she's hot' but then rather than going into an unrealistic warped world of perverse thoughts i just think to myself, I wonder what she does for a living? I wonder where she's going or where she's been? Or if she is smiling I might think, that's a nice smile. You have to practice these internal thoughts, it's like restructuring your brain to think along more realistic and healthy perspectives. How many inspirational women do you read about? what are your other perspectives on women, people like your mother, sister, cousins, friends. It is difficult to break down the objectification built up over years upon years of porn viewing and realise that whilst you can certainly appreciate a womans beauty you can also respect them as individuals.

 

John, I do have exactly the same problem but there is an excercise I do that actually makes me think of them as being more human. Its a Christian thing but I am sure you can turn it into a secular exercise. What I do is I say a little prayer for them usually " God bless her aand give her a happy day" and immediately my focus goes on to what a happy day means

 

Well. It works with people, sadly doesnt work so well with porn

 

Another thing to consider is, a thought is just a thought and we all get intrusive thoughts from time to time, some can be bizzarre and wierd like 'Where did that come from?' but what defines you most as an individual is the attention you pay to those thoughts and more importantly whether you act out on that thought. I could think to myself one day 'that guy is really getting on my nerves, i'd love to just smack him round the face with that brick' But acting on it would land you in serious trouble with the law so instead you may just remove yourself from the situation or turn around and kick a bin (trash can) over to vent your anger, thus choosing the path with the least consequence to yourself and others. It's much the same with sexual thoughts, fantasy and acting out, ultimately it's up to you to learn to deal with these things so you don't cause yourself or others harm. In the same way people learn to manage their anger they also learn to manage and regulate their sexual thoughts and behaviour.

 

If it's of any help,
(Sorry I know I'm a woman but I'm an ex addict and have been free for over a year now)....what helped me was to pretend to know their personalities already....
Say that sexy woman at the beach, the minute I'd think about her, id instead remind myself that she's probably a bitch and probably thinks she is better than me and would not be good in bed anyway...it certainly helped me deal with feelings of luse and dopamine. I used the same strategy to quit porn...I told myself that they wouldn't even have sex with me, they'd think they are too good for me and it would put me off wanting to look at them due to their sheer cockiness lol....don't know if that would work for anyone else but it worked for me...I don't want to have sex with people who don't want me back lol

 

Is this true even in work settings?

 

I think this is due to long term porn use. I do the exact same thing and it's horrifically embarrassing. I've actually been caught too, I guess I oogle. Though It's not really attempted on my part. It's greatly embarrassing especially since at my job, I'm around many people 24/7. People is my job. This could possibly ruin my reputation, effect my job etc.

In the past I always found women pretty, but I think it's the porn that ruined me into objectifying. When I say objectifying I mean having the unconscious thought of them as works of art for me to stare at, rather than as a person... Before porn I used to never do this... Other than making the conscious effort to specifically not look at women and look the other way, or specifically make sure I never look down while talking with them or near them. That's the only thing I can think of, for me, so far, that's helped. Practice makes perfect, I just gotta keep at it and then I'll be trained.