PE and induced fear of relationship

Hey everybody, I saw that there are a decent number of posts about PE, but I wanted to share my experience and ask a few questions.

My experience:

I first saw porn at 19 in college (my family didn't have the internet before then). From even then, I always came super quickly (like lightning), I just didn't think about it very much. Even then, I only lasted a few minutes at most but averaged at 30 seconds or under. Even without P, I would get off extremely quickly. I tried stopping PMO for a long time but never got very far.

When I diagnosed myself with PE, this created a whole new anxiety. I have some dating experience but nothing major. Part of my residual worry has been something like this: "if I get close to her, or if anything sexual happens, my PE will either be a cause of embarrassment or worse, she'll never be satisfied and relationship issues will inevitably happen." This has been a cause of serious anxiety for me, worse so because I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it.

Even when I tried to "train" myself to last longer (kegels and the like), that didn't work so well either, and I just mentally reinforced the patterns of addiction.

Questions:

- Does anyone relate to this?
- My current plan is to still abstain from PMO for at least a 90 day streak (my highest was 55 days). Even M makes me depressed and less energetic. But should I expect anything to be different after abstaining for so long? Is there a correlation?
- Has anyone had success with kegels? If so, how long do you have to keep at it? When I tried, it just seemed to make me think about M more (I think to test out then if I could last longer), and I didn't really get success with it.
- Is this something that can get better, especially with a real girl?

Thanks! It takes a load off my mind just being able to talk about it at all.

 

Thank you for taking the time to answer. Definitely appreciate it. I've been frustrated because I can't seem to maintain momentum (after my 55 streak I've gone back, not completely, but mostly to old habits). So it's good to be reminded that this is a long process. The process of changing the brain takes so much time. When it comes to PE, the stakes only feel a little higher. But I have reason to try and change my life. Thanks again!