Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Bestfootie1, Aug 2, 2017.

  1. Bestfootie1

    Bestfootie1 Fapstronaut


    Met this girl for the second time. First time she met me she basically jumped on me in my house. Kissing, etc. It was literally straight away I had her top off. She was putting up a bit of playful resistance and was adamant no sex as first date 'I'm not a slut' usual female societal conditioning. Fine.

    Met her a day later, this time out and about and took her for dinner. All through dinner she was holding my hand. I just felt like I wasn't comfortable with it. I feel what happens in private is fine and go wild all you want. I didn't voice that I didn't like it but I imagine it was apparent, I was like really cringing inside. As I walked her to the train she continued to try to hold my hand, put her hand in my pocket and generally be really in my space, kiss me etc. I felt like being 'yo get the fuck out my space.' TBH I was super relieved when she went and I had my personal space back.

    She's a nice enough girl but this personal space thing outside the context of sex is tripping me out.

    What are people's thoughts on this? Is this 'lack of wanting intimacy outside of sex' a result of twenty years of PMO?
  2. Ted123

    Ted123 Fapstronaut

    I would advise you eventually talk to her about it if it has that great an effect - careful with the timing though, don't do it over text. Most guys are ok with that level of intimacy in public so maybe it is related PMO but I don't know.
    Bestfootie1 likes this.
  3. Properitas

    Properitas Guest

    This sounds like you both have some intimacy issues to work on xD
    Maybe you could try solving them together.

    Oh and yeah, porn abuse definitely plays a role in this.
  4. faplordxd

    faplordxd Fapstronaut

    It sounds like you're just not attracted to her is she ugly?

    Also why do you care what other people think of you

    If you wanna hold her hand then do but if not its no big deal
  5. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    You seem very uncomfortable with affection.
    Bestfootie1 likes this.
  6. I'm in the exact same boat as you. I HATE showing PDA. I just don't like drawing attention. I don't mind doing all that in private but in public just feels weird.

    The answer to our problem is communication. I just hope she doesn't think I'm ashamed of her. Because that's defiantly not the case. So yeah we just gotta talk and let it be known.
  7. Bestfootie1

    Bestfootie1 Fapstronaut

    I messaged the girl about it and broke up with her. She learnt a hard lesson.
  8. Damn
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2017
  9. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    You seem kinda of cruel man.
    vyndaloo likes this.
  10. I cannot work out this thread. When people use abbreviations, that's fine, but please explain them. Evidently, a PDA is most commonly a personal digital assistant, also known as a personal data assistant, a mobile electronic device. Confused! :confused:
  11. PDA means Public Displays of Affection, can be seen in the form of kissing, touching, cuddling, crossing hands into each other's opposite back pockets etc
    wearefamily87 likes this.
  12. Thanks! :rolleyes: Now I feel stoopit! :p
  13. I like a little PDA and my ex hated it. He refused to hold my hand in public and was super embarrassed if I put my arm around his waist when we walked. I'm not bad looking but his PDA issues turned out to be issues with affection and love in general and commitment fears. It means more than just wanting a little personal space.
    Lazarus Shuttlesworth likes this.
  14. theManinBlack_1882

    theManinBlack_1882 Fapstronaut

    It really depends on the individual. Some people need to abstain from all sexual stimuli/input rebooting (e.g. sexy youtube vids, actual sex with a partner, etc..." I recommend reading the Art of Manliness' article "How to Quit Porn" and getting some pointers from their.

    Side note; I've been using a rubik's cube to distract me when I get urges. I'd recommend having escape plans for when you get the urge to PMO.
  15. Fork2323

    Fork2323 Fapstronaut

    Yo.. here is my take.. it was only the 2nd date and she was asking you to act like how a long time boyfriemd would act and was very clingy and jumping the gun with over affection when you bearly know each other.. a needy girl can be very smothering and suck your energy out and it is healthy to want your own space from a clingy person who is all over you when you just met them.. it takes time to get to that space of acting like a couple.. i feel walking arm and arm is a bit more normal than early on than holding hands.. also you can pull your hand away at anytime to use it to talk with hand expressions.. i too in the past have had PDA annoy me when a girl was just all over me expecialy when im around people I know.. its like she is embarrising and in some love addiction trance and seemed kookie.. it can be annoying and they get all hurt when you want them to back off a bit.. ive told them im a bit shy about PDA.. the girls that did that had big abandenment issues and it was a sign of childhood trama in my case that made them all clingy like that.. i can see it if you had been dating awhile but it can be a red flag if just 2nd date..
    vyndaloo likes this.
  16. I would say she is starting to like you. I assume from your side it is normal to be freaked out by her holding hands with you on the 2nd date

    Looks like you two are on different wavelenghts. She is trying to turn the stuff more romantic while you more "practical"

    I had a guy with whom on few dates on, while heading to his car, held my hand out of blue. It was beautiful even though at the beginning I was like you "get the f. Outta my space" it's normal

    I would say holding hands is an intimate gesture and part of a couple. And it takes time to build trust and let your guard off and let someone enter into your space and life

    It depends what you want from this girl mainly and if you like her or just want sex
    Bestfootie1 likes this.
  17. Bestfootie1

    Bestfootie1 Fapstronaut

    Update - I told her how I felt. She sent me long messages acknowledging she'd been too clingy and had made mistakes. I didn't reply and left it like a few weeks and interestingly my own desire for her now started coming back and I messaged her. So we shall see what happens.
  18. vyndaloo

    vyndaloo Fapstronaut

    Dude, I don't think this is how you should treat a woman, even if she's clingy.
    First off, breaking up via text is quite harsh. Then she tries to explain everything, admits her mistakes, and you just ignore it. Now, after a few weeks, you feel like you may be interested in her, so you just message her again? Seems to me kinda selfish, you'll probably lose interest again and hurt her.
  19. Scourge

    Scourge Fapstronaut

    I think PDA is a display of dominance on the part of both men and women. I've noticed those who love it tend to be extroverts, happy, and successful, while those who don't are usually lonely, bitter and socially-lacking. Just my observations. Personally, if I had a GF and cared for such behavior, I'd up the PDA to the point of causing distress to those around me. But I have bigger concerns at the moment, none of which involve impressing other men.

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