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Participation medals

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Deleted Account, Nov 15, 2017.

  1. One of the biggest problems I have with society nowadays is the handing out of participation medals. To give you perspective, there is only 1 Stanley cup champion a year in hockey and that means there are 30 teams that will fail. Back in 2011, the Vancouver Canucks made it to the Stanley Cup finals and ended up losing in game 7, and I heard people telling me oh at least they made it to the finals! In my opinion it doesn't matter if you are the worst team in the league, or you lose in the final the simple truth is that you lost. In Taladega nights, they said "if you ain't first you're last" Now how does this pertain to me? Well my issue is when I went to go seek help for my erectile disfunction issues I explained to her what noFap was all about and I swear it went way over her head. She liked the fact that I was not watching porn any longer but she didn't understand why I couldn't masturbate. Now for someone like me who has masturbated compulsively for 15 years, I needed to stop masturbating as well as watching porn because in my life that went hand in hand. When I went to go see her I was on day 30 or day 31 of noFap and goddamn it I was extremely proud of myself and to me she didn't seem all that impressed. She even said, "well I just don't want you to feel guilty if you masturbate" but to me it's like yes I should feel guilty! It's almost like shes encouraging me to fuck up again because if I start masturbating it is only a matter of time before I go back to watching porn. Anyway, I feel like society doesn't stress the importance of this addiction and abstaining from not just porn but the habit of masturbation, it's like if you fail no big deal you get a participation medal anyway and I'm sorry I don't roll like that.
     
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  2. Wow! Your post is all over the place.

    Ok, I see your point, but I do think you should look for the positives even if you lose. No one wins if they're constantly beating themselves up. There was this tennis player who's won all these tournaments, and if anyone around her starts being negative she gets away from that person asap because she doesn't want their negativity to manifest into her own head. If you look at tennis players who beat themselves up over losing one point, well they never become champions.
     
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  3. True, but what if you keep making the same mistakes over and over again and not correcting your errors? I think losing is healthy because it makes you reevaluate yourself but if you're constantly losing because you refuse to fix your errors than you shouldn't be given a pat on the back for that. And that applies to NoFap too!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 15, 2017
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  4. I'm not a Tennis fan, but wasn't John McEnroe a champion?
     
  5. Yes, but he never beat himself. He seemed to just attack the umpires when he lost a point. If you look at players like Andy Murray, the moment he stopped beating himself be began winning grand slams. There was also this female tennis player... I think it may of been Elina Svitolina or Svetlana Kuznetsoya... whoever it was they would just get so upset when they went down a few points and would end up losing because they put all their energy into thinking about their lost points. But when they changed their thinking and got a hold of their emotions they began winning tournaments.

    You see this sort of thing with all sports. A team or athlete who panics, get upset ends up losing out big time.

    No you shouldn't be given that but you also shouldn't be beating yourself up either. You should look back, see your mistakes and try to improve. But don't try to be perfect because by doing that you're setting yourself up for failure.
     
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  6. I'm not saying you have to be perfect. None of us are, however we need to be accountable for our mistakes and relapses. We have to be aware why keep messing up and figure out how we need to get better. I been dealing with my addiction to porn for over 15 years and the first time I tried NoFap I got to 10 days and I failed. I went back to my addiction harder than ever, but I went back to the drawing board and I'm currently on day 76. I can't speak for everyone but for me that first relapse hurt like hell and It had to hurt so much that watching porn again was no longer an option for me. If I had just gotten a free pass for my first relapse I would just keep watching that's what I meant by participation medal.
     
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  7. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    Participation medals are a joke. It doesn't teach kids to lose, thus they don't have the same drive to improve. It doesn't teach them rejection or any negativity. It doesn't teach them competition, it teaches demand.

    Of course, this isn't the fault of the kids, more so the parents and the coaches so their oh-so-special children can get a reward for losing because they're just unique. That's not how the real world works when it comes to employment or any other situation that's actually important.
     
  8. exactly! When the therapist basically said it's okay to fail more or less I just wasn't having any of that.
     
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  9. I eventually got to a point where relapsing was useless because I was stuck in a loop, I learned what my weaknesses were and everything about my addiction inside and out but it didn't matter, I'd end up ignoring what I learned for many reasons. I'd always use an excuse or as you put it a "free pass" and I absolutely hated it, and it wasn't until I told myself no more excuses and started hardmode that I've made it as far as I am now.

    Everyone is obviously different but for me it didn't matter how far I had gotten, because I still felt like a failure after getting so far even after supposedly learning from my relapse. I've made great strides once I committed myself to no PMO, and know I'm held accountable for my actions and no one else. I haven't relapsed since adopting that mindset, and it's done wonders for me knowing I won't ever go back.
     
  10. Sarah, I love your black and white approach it doesn't matter if I did 10 days or if I relapse at 365 days I would feel just as shitty if not worse for relapsing. Our minds wants us to trick us into believing that it's okay to fail even when you put yourself in a position to fail. I should not get a free pass for that. If a recovering alcoholic was clean for a year and decided to go to a bar and relapsed that is entirely his fault. He put himself in a position to relapse. But society would be way harder on the recovering alcoholic for relapsing than for the recovering porn addict. I remind myself how porn fucked my life up, and how much I hate porn. If I hate porn as much as I do I can't afford to relapse. Nor, do I expect a free pass from anyone for my own self inflicted fuck ups.
     
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  11. Some people may find it easier to MO and just quit P, but that didn't work for me. As I'd M I noticed besides the constant chaser effect that it wasn't enough and my brain needed more. So naturally the whispers and excuses came like "it's not that bad" or "a couple times a month is fine" and I'd just give in and relapse.

    A good example for me to explain is a person that quits P but keeps on MO'ing, is like a smoker that quits smoking but uses nicotine e-cigs. There's no point and you know sooner or later you'll eventually just go back, because when you play with fire you get burned.

    Again everyone is different but that's my personal take on it, and so it's nut up or shut up for me, no more excuses.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 15, 2017
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  12. That's actually a really good analogy with the e cigarettes. Like what's the point of smoking E-cigs if you're still addicted to nicotine? And since you're still addicted to nicotine if you break your vape you go right back to smoking cigarettes. As a current smoker, in the past I have tried quitting with the gum, the patches and as well as the inhaler while these tools are good to assist quitting smoking but the ultimate goal is to quit smoking entirely. What worked for me in the past is just quitting cold turkey, cause the end goal is to quit smoking no matter how you get there. With Porn and masturbation, it's exactly like quitting smoking some people have to masturbate without porn and ultimately that helps them quit porn for good. I am not against what gets people to their ultimate goal of not watching porn, but when someone tells me that it is okay to masturbate it's not something I can agree with at this particular time. I would masturbate compulsively and I needed to break the habit of not watching porn but as well as masturbating like a maniac. Going back to smoking, you can either quit with the smoking aids or give up cold turkey and with porn I gave up both masturbating and porn cold turkey. If masturbating without porn is a tool to help someone to get to their end goal more power to you but then don't hate on me for avoiding both cold turkey.
     
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  13. Exactly, that's how I feel about it. But most people for some reason nowadays have to stick their nose in other people's lives and critique what you're doing, because they don't understand or have different opinions. Like that therapist shouldn't be saying any opinion like that, if you're explaining it to her and saying you don't want to you'd think she'd stop. They're also you know supposed to you know, listen to you but more often than not they don't.

    I've conquered every addiction so far including smoking with my number one method, cold turkey! It hurts like hell but it's the fastest most effective recovery method for me, nothing else has worked for any of them and I'm glad it's working for you too!
     
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  14. Exactly! Sure my method might seem a little extreme to some people aka my therapist. But, Lady my dick doesn't work and all you did was prescribe me pills to alleviate the symptoms. How about finding the root of my problem? She saw my testosterone levels jump by huge numbers during the blood test since I started noFap, how about giving me credit where credit is due? I worked hard to get to 30 days at that time and if she wants think that's a placebo then explain the testosterone levels. I came to see her so I wouldn't go limp during sex. During our first visit she recommended erotica novels instead of watching porn and I'm just like Jesus woman..it took me a year to be referred to this sex therapist and I was getting some shit advice to say the least. I can't speak for everyone else the main reason young men are fucking being sent to sex therapists these days at a young age is the over consumption of PORN that is the only logical conclusion I can come up with. There has to be a reason why many young men my age or younger are going soft as hell and if porn is the reason there needs to be serious discussions about getting people to quit porn cause it's going to affect all areas of they're lives. Fuck, I'm upset Sarah, but honestly that is awesome that you were able to quit everything you did cold turkey that's some hardcore determination.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2017
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  15. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Participation medals/trophies are literally soy boy tier.
     
  16. yep! and when you receive a trophy that you don't deserve you have this attitude like everything is owed to you.
     
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  17. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    hillary.jpeg
     
  18. As stupid and ignorant as people can be, don't be upset! Just think of how far you've gotten all by yourself, and congratulate on how strong your willpower and motivation is to beat such a monster.

    Nobody can tell you otherwise and it's good you're standing up for yourself, nobody deserves to be walked on or ignored. So screw that therapist and anybody that doesn't believe in what you're doing because it's amazing. Cold turkey is one if the hardest things you can do and if you stick with it, it definitely gets better and recovery is way faster than using methods to cope.

    Doctors and therapists love to prescribe pills because it removes the burden of them actually having to help you. Anytime I have had a concern with pain or anything the first thing my GP does is get me to try medication, and doesn't refer me to any specialist, it's ridiculous, nobody listens or cares.
     
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  19. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    Right? The power GP's have is awful. I was having issues with getting tests done because my GP said "I was just stressed", and considering I can't do a non-emergency walk-in without a GP referral, it took forever before I could go to one and finally learn I have IBD.
     
  20. You are so right! doctors here especially can be notoriously bad. If you go into a walk in clinic even they literally want to get you out of there within 5 minutes. It's almost like you are a burden to them when you go see them, I was seeing a mental health case worker and they assigned me to the sex therapist and that process took a whole year if not longer. In hindsight, I wish I found the nofap videos and this forum a long time ago cause I would have never gone to see the therapist. But this is the dilemma that we are dealing with, the toxic shame of watching porn, so nobody talks about it to anyone and when you do bring up porn they just tell you to quit like it's no big deal.
     
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