Part 3: Some Call it Success, I Call it In Progress: The Secret to Practicing & Surviving Monk Mode

So here you are... you've done the following two things:

1. You've pledged to yourself to quit PMO.
2. You've experienced some benefits and tested the results out in the community, interacting with other people and taking on new challenges.

#1 above is great, congratulations on putting that shit behind you. #2 is both a power and a responsibility alike. You're enjoying the power, but now you need to cultivate the ability to manage it, which is your new responsibility.

In my part 2 post, which is where you found the link to this one hopefully, I explained to you that you must change your relationship with women from the root, your first nonverbal interaction with them. This is what they call "monk mode" around here, and it's really damn difficult. If you're not projecting all that newfound sexual energy that you build faster than you ever did as a wanker, if you're not staring at women and/or allowing yourself to fantasize wildly about them, and you haven't yet found one to actually pursue for real... where's all that energy going? It's raging inside you and threatening to tear you apart as it can't find another outlet of any sort.

I'm not going to teach you to suppress it. Why on earth would you want to do that? You quit PMO so that you could have this back. I'm not going to teach you to "transmute" it... you've heard that cliche, and the new agey people are missing a step although they have good intentions.

I am going to teach you how to manage it.

The fact is, and some of us really lose track of this when you figure out you can use your hand and something projected on a screen instead... sex is holistic. It involves your whole body, your whole mind, and the whole interactive process including two humans and an environment. That's at least three things, depending on how you divide any of them up, and you only have control over one of those things, yourself. So you need to do two things:

1. Think of it as a vibe. It is contained in a space, it can be expanded or contracted, it has a direction, etc... yet it's invisible, it's metaphysical, it's supersensory. But if you think of it as a vibe, it's something you control and it can be used for anything. It's the sum of all those workings of your nervous system you don't have time to learn in medical school, all those hormones that churn away influencing your behavior when you don't get to set their levels, etc. If you think of it as a vibe, it's that point of consciousness and the few things that underly it that you can control, which in turn control the rest of how it presents your being.

2. Manage it. You're free to find your own way, and I encourage introspection, contemplation, customization, even tossing my whole idea out the window if it doesn't work for you after awhile exactly as presented... but here is what I did to reclaim my own mind and body and focus my own responsibilities on my own simple to understand yet powerful in a vastly complex array of ways I'm probably still just starting to enjoy:


1. Tense up all the muscles in your body. Hold it for at least 10 seconds, and then Release.

2. Focus on a particular body part/region of your choice. If you really want to get to the point, perhaps focus on your penis.

3. Observe the following two things: 1. how the part of your body feels, 2. what it makes you think. Explore this until your consciousness moves (i.e. a more noticeable feeling arises elsewhere, a resulting thought becomes more interesting).

4. Return to step 2-3 with the new body part and system of thoughts you reached in step 3 (i.e. where your consciousness moved).

Beginners stop here. Note: You decide if you are still a beginner. If you feel comfortable moving on, you may. There is nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. It is very important for the effectiveness of the technique though, that you are very comfortable with steps 2-4 and are having profound mind-body experiences to work with for steps 5+.
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5. Repeat steps 2-4 on a regular basis, and after you get used to the technique, after each practice, reflect and name. Give each system of mind-body interaction you find a name.

For a simple example: you think a sexual thought, and then you experience a sensation in your penis... or vice versa, you experience a sensation in your penis and then you think a sexual thought (guess what? This is what occurs over and over again and builds a web you get caught in that forces you to PMO!). Let's call it arousal, for example.

6. Again, outside of the actual meditation process... come up with an alternative to this system you have named. For example, what might you rather feel than arousal? Come up with something right now, one word.

7a. go back into meditation and conjure up the feeling: by focusing on the thought or on the bodily feeling (from steps 2-3), it doesn't matter which because one will lead to the other and they will self-sustain and grow.

7b. Breathe calmly.

7c. Think of your new label for this particular mind-body system. Focus on it and experience it replacing the old one. Even come up with a phrase that suits that experience for you and repeat it to yourself. "(new system description) ______ (old system description)".

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Over time you can reclaim control over your entire conscious experience. Your vibe will be exactly what you want it to be. And you've been practicing not spewing out unintended or rude vibes to women, for example. Now you don't have to. Either hold onto it, keep it to yourself with calm deep breaths, or choose a different one.

(One example I like to use here is if you notice you're thinking about your dick or feeling something in it when you're preparing to interact with a female, choose to focus on your heart instead (take my word for it, your dick will not forget what it's supposed to do when that becomes necessary).)

Feel free to discuss it or ask followup questions here. This is how to experience the benefits of "monk mode", which is the only way to go if you truly want to cultivate self-control and find harmony with yourself, women, and the world instead of torturing yourself with a guessing game about how to get out of this PMO mess.

Good luck everyone.

 

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What an amazing post, i really enjoyed it.
Today is my day 30 of abstinence so i will try all these steps. But i will really need ur help in future.

 

You actually can't really tense that up... it's not a muscle. But the point is to tense everything up and then relax it in the very beginning of the meditation. This is pretty typical and not my own idea... it's really about equalizing everything in your body and getting the blood flowing.

As for what could lead to relapse... nothing can because you started doing this as a solution to your PMO problem. Sure though, you're definitely going to face some temptation. Removing temptation really isn't an option in this world. So the key is not to think about avoiding it, but to instead focus on how to build what you want... which is a strong will with the right skills to manage your sexual energy.

 

Thank you for your thoughts, and yes of course I can write more of them. I intend to return to this site more often, as I used to do.

Anyway, for what it's worth everybody... right now I'm in a part of town where there are tons of attractive women. I'm practicing my "monk mode" and kind of failing. This is tough.

 

I live in a party of town where women either wear a hijab or are not attractive, so easy for me. I guess a man has to get used to being around attractive women (sometimes not wearing much) in the West, so keep going man. You're doing great.