Paranoid...or maybe I'm not.

It will always be there, even if they are *actually* not doing anything wrong because they have lied to us so much, for so long - our brains are now wired to constantly be suspicious of their every move. It's horrible but true.

 

It can take a long time for the trust to rebuild but it can get there. I don’t think it ever fully goes away depending on the amount of betrayal you feel but it does gets manageable.

 

Yes I felt this and it’s totally normal. You are trying to control the situation so you don’t get hurt again. You are protecting yourself from pain. It takes time. It’s hard but there is nothing you can do to prevent him from going back to pmo. Realizing that is scary.

 

Yep. All the time.

 

I have to remind myself when I want to control, that it's impossible. If he wants to do it, he will do it. I was told by my counselor that absolutely nothing I do or don't do will affect him with his addiction. It's his fight. Counselor said to realize that and there's actually a lot more peace in that fact than in trying to desperately control him. I know it's a temporary fix to control because it give peace of mind for the moment, but it's impossible to watch him all the time. My husband has covenanteyes on his devices that he set up, but I just searched "How to get around covenanteyes and yep, there's a way. The TOR browser. So if you just settle in the fact that you can't control what he does, but you CAN control what you do for yourself, I have found that to be somewhat freeing.

 

There is always a way around if they seek it, we have to hope they don't. I have learned the betrayal we feel is REAL and VALID. It's so hard not to be able to control and only having the hope they won't LIE. I can deal with anything but don't lie to me.

 

I do think there is nothung you can do to stop them. I also think they have an option to keep themselves accountable. Which is what we are doing.


I had this feeling all the dang time after the last relapse. Honestly I feel like I handle it worse (internally) and worse each time he lies. I'm doing a little better now. I dont perseverate on it the entire time we are apart from each other anymore.

 

It'll take a long time for me to trust him again, if ever at all. Constant lying seems to have that effect.

Seconded. There's very little we can fight together if we're on the same team. But lie to me, the trust goes. If that doesn't come back, neither do I.

Sending peace n hugs Jazzmina X

 

Yes, the lying is the reason for leaving if I do. Can't tolerate that. If I catch him lying again, we are done.