panic attacks

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by bezim, Jul 10, 2018.

  1. bezim

    bezim Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,
    I feel really bad about what happened, this is pretty sick, so please be thoughtful.
    So a while ago, I started to get addicted to shemale porn. I really started to fantasize about being with one.
    In the last few weeks I got very horny, about women especially, but sometimes thought about being with a shemale.
    One night I broke down and met with a very feminine looking shemale and had sex with her. But in the end it felt pretty disgusting.
    A few days later, I felt horny again, and sadly, I met another shemale.
    This one looked like a man, and I was pretty disgusted by him, but he convinced me to get physical with him. Luckily we didn't have sex but we ended up doing some other stuff.
    After that I hated myself so bad, I wanted to kill myself and vomit.
    The next day I woke up with huge chest pain, headaches, and had difficulties breathing.
    Every time I think about it I'm having panic attacks. And I'm really scared that I will become gay. I don't want to be attracted to guys, I want females.
    I cried a couple of days after this event, I don't know why I made this mistake.
    I looked at girls porn to make sure that I'm still attracted to girls, I really don't want to be gay.
    This really fucked me up, I hope I can get out from this.
    What do you think I should do from here?

    Thanks in advance.
     
    HopeFaith likes this.
  2. wtbootb

    wtbootb Fapstronaut

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    I think that's normal at this point. I had some really fucked up fantasies about shemales as well. Luckily I didn't have enough courage to meet with one though.
    What you need to do right now is to go full hard mode of no PMO. With time your tastes will change. There's even condition named HOCD - Homosexual OCD which can be porn induced. Don't worry about being gay. You are not, it's just your addicted brain that wants more.

    You did something you shouldn't have. You feel disgusted because of what you've done. You've set your goal.
    Great. Use all of this to strengthen your motivation to do NoFap. Trust me, your tastes will change over time and you won't be turned on by males anymore.

    Stay strong and good luck!
     
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  3. OnceAfraidToMerge

    OnceAfraidToMerge Fapstronaut

    That horrible, uncomfortable feeling is your mind telling you, "hey, that wasn't such a great thing back there, let's not do that again."

    And that's fine, you don't have to do that again, and you wouldn't have known how much it repulsed you unless you'd actually done it, so be glad that you did. Now that you know that isn't you, you have a clearer image of who you really are.

    That shame and regret is guiding you to who you really are. Follow it, it will lead you to greatness, I promise you.

    Stay strong, everything is going to be okay!
     
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  4. bezim

    bezim Fapstronaut

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    I stayed too much at home and got a lot of spare time, so eventually this is what made me do it I guess.
    I read about that HOCD, it seems exactly like what I am going through.
    I am starting the no PMO challenge right now, hoping it will help.
    Thank you very much.

    Thank you for your words, it really gives me hope!
    I will stay strong.
     
  5. Casanerd20

    Casanerd20 Fapstronaut

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    For the past year I got into shemale porn too and even thought about calling one but could never bring myself to do it. I quit in May and have had about 5-6 panic attacks and I believe they’re withdrawal since I’ve never had issues like this ever. From what I read you may have HOCD which is a disorder in which you wire your brain to a genre you like (gay/trans) and once guys quit they struggle with this because the brain is trying to go back to default and you’re left wondering how you could be attracted to that sex,gender. In your case you actually went as far as to have an experience with one which only made the wiring in your brain stronger. My best advice is to fully abstain from pmo and also fantasy. It’s been almost 2 months for me and I haven’t even thought about that type of porn anymore. I’m still dealing with withdrawal but I can see my taste is reverting back
     
  6. 33ctf6m8pdpq

    33ctf6m8pdpq Fapstronaut

    I see two problems here: addiction and the fear of being gay. I think you should focus on the first issue. Honestly, I'm a little shocked by the people saying "don't worry, you're not gay, it's just part of what you're going through" as if being gay is a "disgusting" symptom of some sort. If you believe this, than I'm afraid you have a much bigger problem in life than just PMO. Goodluck, OP.
     
  7. Casanerd20

    Casanerd20 Fapstronaut

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    There’s nothing wrong with being gay this is just something a lot of guys go through. Many like myself escalate to other categories like trans/gay that don’t match our sexuality because our brain is getting a bigger fix due to the shock and anxiety from those genres of porn. Once they quit the brain is working on going back to default. Like myself after 2 months I have no desire to watch gay/trans porn since I know I’ve always liked girls and my brain reassured me of that since I took a break. I have no problem of the person asking the question is gay or not but it sounds like he has a fetish that was induced by porn since he wired his brain strongly to shemale porn and has actually had an encounter with one. The fact that he had that type of reaction after an encounter with a shemale I think shows it’s not part of his sexuality.
     
  8. I personally never had that problem of being turned on by the same sex but i know a friend who had the same issue. To make things worst for him, his partner found out he was watching gay porn and she left him. This probably happen last year November to December so he got over it. But he told me it was a serious challenge and the constant questioning of himself and what others was thinking and saying of him only made it harder.

    The guy is now 124 days without PM and i would not tag him but he also referred me here. So basically anyone can change once they put their, mind to it.
     

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