Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Sexuallyoppressed, Sep 27, 2018.

  1. Sexuallyoppressed

    Sexuallyoppressed Fapstronaut


    Been with my partner for 2 years & the whole time he struggled with ED figured out it was a porn addiction & he gave it up. For the past 6 months we’ve been seeing an expensive therapist and he’s dropped the bombshell that he’s not quit and he’s been watching it all this year. I feel broken, why am I not enough? He doesn’t enjoy sex with me because porn is so much more exciting. My self esteem is ruined
  2. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

    Welcome to the forum. Addiction causes collateral damage to everyone that surrounds the addict. It is unfair that the ones who suffer the most are the ones closest to us. There is no other addiction that causes as much damage to a woman's self-esteem as porn/sex addiction.

    Even though this problem involves looking at pornographic images and abnormal sexual behavior, it is not about sex. Addicts use images/objects/behaviors to alter, medicate, sooth, numb, or escape from negative feelings. It could be because of boredom or stress; childhood trauma; or to medicate a deeper condition such as anxiety or depression. Addicts use the 'trance' or 'auto-pilot' to tune out and make the pain go away. It also shuts off the part of the brain that helps make good decisions.

    You did not cause this problem, nor did you make it worse. This is your partner's problem. It might have started off as an innocent curiosity but his brain has latched onto it as a coping mechanism. Addiction causes compulsive behavior, escalating actions, and withdrawal symptoms when stopped. Porn is easier to deal with than real life. This is not because you are 'not enough for him'. He needs to learn how to cope with his problems without using porn as a crutch.

    It's a good thing that he has a therapist. But after 6 months of treatment, there is probably much more to the story than you know. The fact that he has disclosed his secret is a good first step towards healing. Many couples have learned to heal as a couple and restore what was once broken. I know that your trust and faith in him is shattered. That is a normal response to this kind of betrayal. You are entitled to whatever feelings you are experiencing. I hope you receive the information, support, and hope that you need to move forward.
    Sexuallyoppressed likes this.

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