Our journey

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Amaterasus, Mar 18, 2019.

  1. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    It is a hard thing to be your SOs AP. If you don't want to do so any longer, it's certainly not your responsibility to do so. he could easily acquire an AP or three via this site. Have him hit me up, if I can be of service.
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  2. Amaterasus

    Amaterasus Fapstronaut

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    Hi, he have expressed an interest in your help before when you reached out to me. But i think that making contact himself is a bit hard, so if it isnt to much to ask for would you mind reaching out to him?
     
  3. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    Nope. This is his journey. Only he can make the first step. That is how I know that someone is committed. My focus is on the faithful; I have no time or energy to waste on the half-hearted.

    You can assure him I don't bite. :)
     
  4. Amaterasus

    Amaterasus Fapstronaut

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    So not really related to the struggle with my partners addiction but something has really botherd me today. My partner woke me up in the middle of the night, to complain about more or less everything. Mainly about beeing denied student loan before he read up some points and the fact that hes broke now and dont have money for cigarettes.

    And first of all why the fuck does he have to wake me up for that?! Im pregnant and working and really need every moment of sleep i can get.

    And 2nd i had a really hard time falling asleep again becouse this means that it will yet again be all up to me to support him. The little money he got from hes job he has allready spent. So i have to use the savings i have intented for things for the baby. And the thought of having to do that again just exhaust me, when will this ever stop?

    I dont know if it is fair or not but this neediness and usage of me is really started to bother me. Let me sleep and let me breath for a moment. I cant be the solution to everything, and no one in a healthy relationship can need someone that much. But even the slightest mentioning of me wanting some space results in panic and more neediness from hes side. And alot of emotional blackmail.
     
  5. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Doesn't sound good, if he's becoming a needy child while you are pregnant that's going to get worse when he's pushed into 2nd place by an actual child. Can you find a way to talk to him about this? Is it an established pattern or something more recent?
     
  6. Amaterasus

    Amaterasus Fapstronaut

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    I would say it something that has progessivly gotten worse, the more out of controll hes addiction vad gotten and the more it has affected our relationship the more needy he has become.

    Like after a relapse or a fight he has a need to more or less be on top of me for the next day. And like most people i want some space to process things after something like that, but he wont give it to me.

    Any indication from me about wanting to be alone or have some time for myself he sees as a sign of me wanting to leave. But being glued to someone for that reason isnt gona stop that, more the oposite. And i wish he would get that. I want some time to just be me, instead of only being the partner of an addict dealing with addict related stuff.

    I did tell him last night that he needs to think things trough before waking me up in the middle of the night. Like what will the consequenses for me be the next day versus what he needs. Becuse sure if he is super sick or the dog is dying, wake me up by all means. But if you are lonely and broke it can probably wait untill the morning.
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  7. Amaterasus

    Amaterasus Fapstronaut

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    So i got alot on my mind, but exhaustion really has gotten the better of me again. Up to the point where doing anything, like changing the song on spotify when i travel to work seems like alot of work.

    I guess a part of it is the pregnancy, i have gotten to the fun part when finding a good sleeping possition is impossible. And i have to go up several times a night to pee... But i also think that everything happenings related to this is a part of the exhaustion to, at least the mental part of it. Its hard to find energy in the middle of the flash backs and panic attacks.

    One of the things that have been on my mind alot lately is finding myself again. Like i said in a previous post i feel like i have just been a partner to an addict full time, and never just me. So what do i like to do and think about when im not consumed by all of this?

    A strong reminder i got of forgetting about myself is that i havnt been really feeling the about to be a mom feeling. Like thinking about how shes gona look, what i wana prepare and what kind of mother i would like to be. I have been go bussy dealing with relapses and their consequenses, working and trying to make ends met. And that makes me kind of sad, becouse i should be excited. I know i am deep down, i just havnt had time to focus on it. So thats something i want to prioritse more, both for myself and for my child.
     
    Tao Jones likes this.

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