1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

online dating is thoroughly demoralizing experience

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by end_it_for_good, Oct 17, 2018.

  1. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

    942
    2,821
    123
    There are many ways to boost your confidence but the main principle is: You have to feel good about yourself and comfortable in your own skin. By going to the Gym, eating healthy, dressing well (doesn't necessarily mean expensive) and spending time with the interests/hobbies you like, you will ultimately feel more confident because you know you are trying to better yourself and start seeing some results.
    With the social skills part, you just have to get out of the comfort zone and start talking to random people you meet. I know it is very hard and uncomfortable at first but will be so rewarding as you start to sense that this anxiety is fading. If you are simultaneously playful and not so serious about these conversations, it will go even better as people notice you are chill and fun listening to.
     
  2. Everyone offering advice on these things says that (Heck, I'm watching a video with that in it right now), but it counts for shit! Granted, I've found it hard to feel comfortable with myself/my interests/whatever because I was repeatedly put down for liking what I liked when I was younger (particularly by immediate family). I didn't bother speaking up at family gatherings because I don't care about the gossip-y shit or the sporting event you're watching, and no one there is interested in discussing anything I was interested in. I've had exactly one interesting conversation at a bar with a woman (about science fiction, specifically Babylon 5), but that was almost 20 years ago.

    I've been going to the gym since April, and you can see what I look like now. I've actually had my own individual sense of style - one that gets comments, though NEVER directed at me. (I'll be out with friends and other people will come say something to the group when I'm away). It may not have been a good thing though, because despite making an effort with my appearance, any woman I've been involved with hasn't. I don't bother asking her to because, frankly, I've learned that any woman interested in men is an aberration, and have basically said they wouldn't make an effort for me. They also usually communicate the whole "Let's not tell out mutual friends about us" message to me early on - and this includes my wife.

    See, I don't get this from my perspective. I'm not chill or fun or awesome - I've discovered that whatever women want, it isn't me. Everyone gives this whole 'get outside your comfort zone' shit, and you know what - it doesn't work. I've got an analogy elsewhere on this site about dealing with my fear of heights, and by putting myself in an uncomfortable situation, I felt fear at the time... and NOTHING afterwards. Going up and talking to a woman strikes me as a pointless exercise (for me) because previous data indicates that I will get rejected. Sure, we could aim for a bigger sample size, but at what point do we stop collecting data? None of the women I've been involved with has been 'my' choice, because any woman I had chosen has said no. Are you suggesting I go out, make 100, or 1,000 sad pathetic approaches on women (and they would be sad and pathetic), and deal with the whirlwind of rejection and sexual harassment claims as they come?

    As for asking me to be playful and not serious... You haven't met me, have you? The only way for me to become outcome-independent is to go into 'Eunuch Mode', ignoring my desires and being asexual. For many years I've even toyed with castrating myself. Not because of my issues with masturbating, but with simply having organs of sexual desire that are meant to be unsatisfied.
     
  3. end_it_for_good

    end_it_for_good Fapstronaut

    91
    76
    18
    dude, your whole incel black pill i'm undesirable and a wretch thing...is it helping you? Is it helping any body else?

    You sound really unhealthy and like you need a solid therapist - probably in addition to group therapy.
     
  4. Huh, never heard it called that before. Black pill, I mean. I wouldn't have even considered myself incel, primarily because I'm not really trying at present. Granted, I don't feel like trying based mostly on previous failures (and the lingering fear of another sexual harassment complaint), but you raise something I needed to hear. Seriously needed to hear. I've been told on other forums that what is holding me back is simply in my head, and getting past that has been an issue. The questions you raise just now - particularly the first one - is something I need to meditate on.

    I see a psychologist fortnightly, and we're working on me trying to accept myself as enough, as deserving of every good thing. As for group therapy.... Fuck that shit! I was part of a support group for troubled boys with low self-esteem in high school and it just turned into another place where I was bullied.
     
  5. end_it_for_good

    end_it_for_good Fapstronaut

    91
    76
    18
    black pill - https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=The Black Pill
     
  6. Yeah, I looked it up.

    It's a very easy mindset to fall into. I don't hate women. Hard as it is, I don't even hate women who don't want me. I have some deep-seated issues regarding the women who rejected me, and as such don't put myself in the position to be rejected anymore.

    Ignoring all of this used to be so much easier when I was spanking the monkey on a daily basis.
     

Share This Page