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One night stand + chaser effect = relapse

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by KillMyDarlings, Jul 14, 2017.

  1. KillMyDarlings

    KillMyDarlings Fapstronaut

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    I had a one night stand last night (I have DE, and on/off anxiety/arousal issues) I just hit the two week mark of no PM, and though slightly unprepared for the idea we would actually have sex (she said coffee lol), we hit it off right away and my weeks of texting paid off, as I was straight up that I wanted to sleep with her a few days prior.

    Her hair was curled nice, sexy flats, nice coat (which turned out to be the only clothes she was actually wearing), lovely makeup, everything a man could want.

    After Starbucks she took me up to her place, which overlooked the beach, glass walls all around. Fed me lots of drinks, nuts, chocolates, fruit, and was provided amazing hospitality. I felt right at home, and very calm.

    Fast forward.

    I felt a bit bloated during sex, and I had to go to the toilet a few times. She'd given me a few beers, and prior to that I'd had a stupid high sugar starbucks drink, and then two cups of tea at hers and a black coffee earlier on. So, a hell of a lot more liquid than I'd normally consume.

    She was physically everything I could want, done pretty much everything I want, but I'm sure the combination of all those drinks did me no favors as my bladder was full. One beer would've been fine.

    I had on/off arousal, soft, hard, soft, hard, never really full strength, and the second time I went to the bathroom during sex, I took the condom off, and never put one back on...

    At the end I had to finish myself off, with her next to me, and although I dominated her throughout the whole night, I felt ashamed that I had to resort to that in the end.

    It reminded me of my ex relationships where I had to do so...

    Today, I felt the urge.....and relapsed twice, PMO....

    Fuck!

    It took me weeks to get to this point, and because of the stupid circumstances I'm back and familiar with my damn hand again...

    I'm going to give myself a pass though, as the chaser effect is REAL.

    If I can make it through the next few days without PMO, I won't count it.

    Be warned, this shit is not easy to push through, especially if on a high from the release and fact that you just had sex, while dating different girls. My brain went into overdrive, thanked me many times and taunted me with the temptation...

    PS: I'm also not counting the M during sex, as she was involved on and off...it was a tricky one to handle in the moment.
     
  2. Indeed.
     
    KillMyDarlings likes this.
  3. KillMyDarlings

    KillMyDarlings Fapstronaut

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    I went out last night and met a few new girls...have a date set up tomorrow...keeping the energy going, but I've discovered a new problem that may contribute to me relapsing..

    Alcohol

    I always wake up horny as fuck and ready to rub one out when hungover

    It's one of those ritualistic things

    My old thinking was to PMO if I didn't get a girl at whatever time I arrived home

    I'm going to start a 2 month sobriety challenge from later on this month, in an effort to further control myself and help my savings.
     
  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I am a partner of a man with PIED and it was too soon for you. Two weeks only into the program and an unfamiliar partner is a receipe for disaster. I have found that PIED men expect a much quicker response from their penis than every actually happens. I surmise it is becasue they find it SO hard to give up the PMO that they darn well better see results. Sort of like I have been dieting for a day, why have I not lost weight? Oh screw it I am going to eat the donut nothing works. In the early days of recovery, in addition to the above you are very sensitive emotionally. PMO has been pushing down all those emotions for years and now bang they start to come out. Being with a new partner is stressful for anyone yet alone someone who has had performance issues in the past, and is in an overall fluid emotional state. So while I suspect you had a chaser effect, I also suspect that your inability to perform as you thought you should caused you to become upset, leading to PMO. My advice is do not start dating or having sex for at least 90 days. When that period is up seek out long term partners. If you continue to struggle with these issues, long term partners will make you feel safe, and more comfortable with the issue. And if you have sex again by no means use your hand, never ever. Your hand is to not touch your penis at all except to clean it and go to the bathroom. If you don't O then you move on. Using your hand will prolong the problem. It can take up to 90 days or more for you to be able to fully function sexually. Think about how many years you have PMOed?
     
    Refuse2GiveUp likes this.
  5. arrow26

    arrow26 Fapstronaut

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    For now, sounds perfect to me, just "keep walking"! :)
     
  6. KillMyDarlings

    KillMyDarlings Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your detailed response. It's really appreciated!
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  7. KillMyDarlings

    KillMyDarlings Fapstronaut

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    I just had a week of PMO following the first relapse, and another sexual encounter, with a different woman. I had been compulsively masturbating for the entire week prior, sometimes twice a day. I couldn't control myself.

    Despite being sidetracked, stemming from the chaser effect, I ended up in bed with another woman on her period. I was far from aroused from oral and a handjob, so I ended up finishing myself off, again...with her next to me.

    That's 0/2, and my escalation game with women is on FIRE right now. I'm getting all the attention I want, actually bouncing three women around at once, but I can't perform when I need to.

    This is the problem I've always dealt with, though one of the three girls, has very little sexual experience, so I may use this as an opportunity to take things really slow around her.

    I'm going to minus 1 week off my goal but not reset my counter, because I want to see how far I can come on this current run. I've new motivations and perspectives to apply!
     
    arrow26 likes this.
  8. arrow26

    arrow26 Fapstronaut

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    Did you done as you said, some result to share with us? :)
     
  9. Third_Eye

    Third_Eye Guest

    Firstly, you shouldn't be having sex after just knowing the girl for a short period of time. You should have sex with someone you truly love, and when the time is right. Secondly, you should wait until you're fully recovered from your PM addiction so you can "enjoy" sex.
     
  10. seaguy44

    seaguy44 Moderator Assistant

    I had one night stands in the past before I started my PMO. I ejaculated too fast in her vagina. It was just terrible. Never again. Now I stopped all sex and all dating till I finish the 90 day reboot.

    One night stands were fun but with the wrong girl, you really could regret or worse... you could really get the wrong girl pregnant. Lucky that it didn't happen to me. I didn't get her pregnant....

    Never again. Wise up, guys. Women are gorgeous so treat them very carefully especially with our addictions.

    @GG2002 totally nailed this. She got it. I got it now with women. I'm waiting till after 90 day reboot is done...
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  11. arrow26

    arrow26 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly. I had many one night stands, some were good but some were horrible, few STDs "earned" and one pregnancy, so man need to be careful!
     

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