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once and for all: your best advice please

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Master of chastity, Mar 19, 2018.

  1. Master of chastity

    Master of chastity Fapstronaut

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    Hello, haven`t been here in quite a while.

    What can I say my struggle is real. Mostly I have a good week then I relapse, shame - repeat cycle. Right now I am in a good period of about 2 weeks. Yesterday I had sex with my wife which is totally fine but today I feel the chaser effect. That is basically why I am writing right now. I dont wanna relapse.

    Generall question to all: has anyone found a magic pill to get rid of this ridiculous addiction? I am so worn out and tired of this bullshit its not even funny. I `ll be 40 this year and it makes me sick to see where I am in life as opposed to where I could be. I am not too old but I`ll be soon if this doesnt get better.

    Thanks for any advice!

    PS please dont advice me to get more educated. I have read every book on the topic. "your brain on porn" btw is very good !
     
  2. Lau

    Lau Fapstronaut

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    Bro, if this addiction is so easy to conquer the nofap community would not exist today. My best advice I can share with you is self control and discipline. You need to avoid whats triggering to masturbate. Even though you try to avoid it something else might trigger you or your urges. This is where the self control and discipline comes in.

    What I usually do is that I would just wait in the toilet and don't stroke it.This is what works for me. Try spending time with family and friends do some activities together or develop new hobbies basically anything to distract yourself from PMO.

    My motivation is you don't want this to be part of your life, each time you do it you will regret it you hate resetting that counter. You don't want to feel this shame no more.

    The mind need to be healthy, healthy mind brings healthy body and healthy life.

    This might not be the best advice for you but hope this helps man stay strong don't give in.
     
    Master of chastity likes this.
  3. SaltedPeter

    SaltedPeter Fapstronaut

  4. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    I don't think you're going to find a 'magic pill' as you're describing. As was said in another comment here, if this was an easy addiction to get rid of, this forum would not exist. I think you're going to have to restructure your life and the way you think about things. This will mean different things for different people. Some of the best advice on the matter has come from looking at the 'success stories' threads on this forum. From what I understand, the "urges" you get to watch porn and masturbate will never go away. However, those urges can be turned into something positive. Chemically, the "urges" you're feeling are hormonal. They're rushes of testosterone, which is what makes you feel like a man. It's what gives you the drive to exercise, or to do something creative and interesting, or to connect with your wife. I've heard that the longer you stay dedicated to your recovery, the more you come to love those "urges" you used to dread.

    A side note about relapses and giving in to your addiction after a good streak: this might sound silly, but relapses are a natural part of recovery from an addiction. That's not just true for porn addiction, either. At it's core, a relapse means you tried to quit, and if you continue to participate in supportive communities like this one, talk to people (maybe even your wife, if you're both comfortable with that) about your addiction and recovery, and don't give up or lose hope completely, you can make amazing progress. It might sound cheesy, but it's true: every 'streak' is a good streak.

    So, I think it's going to be difficult to quit no matter what. There is no 'magic pill' or any other kind of quick fix. Quitting is going to take dedication and drive, but when you come out the other end you'll be a better man.

    Good luck!
     
    Lau likes this.
  5. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    Magic pills are exactly like P : their effect is ephemeral, and can become a necessity. The real question is : if there was one, would you take it and become dependent on that pill to not relapse?

    I've written something about the way we think about being cured in many parts of the world (western medical culture most of all) here : LINK, to try and explain in detail why it a magic trick can't work on what an addiction really is. If you know people in rehab, they can tell you about pills they take to effectively REPLACE the substance they were using, but in the end all it solves is the legality of it all.

    You have done streaks, maybe not the ones you were hoping, and that's perfectly fine! You've done most of the hard work, coming here, starting it up, getting this mindset about something you want to change for good in your life, for yourself, for you future self (and all those who may surround you). It's a journey of discovery and you've been wise to read everything, educate yourself on the matter. Maybe now what you need is to challenge yourself on a different scale : not trying bigger and bigger streaks with "the fear" of failing. But maybe thinking about it on a daily basis : "There are only first days". Something like that. It really changes the way you see your challenge, because the streaks don't count. What counts is here and now. Get an urge? Fine, deal with it now, there's no yesterday and no tomorrow. All you want is to achieve it, today. And tomorrow, we'll see.

    It ain't no magic pill, but it has its perks. Most notably, you forget about the numbers, the counter and all that. It keeps on tocking though, and before you know it you've crushed your goals, discovered more about yourself and the addictive behavior, the P itself, and your habit around it. And even if you relapse, what's the matter? You've been on that dope for decades, and now you manage to push yourself without it for extended periods of time... If you keep getting up and trying I can guarantee there will be improvements. If not iin your streaks (at first), at least in your way of doing them, getting back up and running each time, always better, always stronger.

    Keep it up !
     
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    To what extent is your wife involved in your reboot? Is she aware of the addiction? Is she supportive? Do you have an honest relationship? If this is not there I don’t see how you can recover. If she’s on board explain to her that you need to do hard mode. If you have not tried that maybe that’s the key, 90 days with nothing.

    And someone mentioned this already but it’s an addict mentality to want a quick fix. You need to do the work and it’s hard and it sucks, and it is going to take a long time and involve develing into and resolving deeper issues that led you to become an addict in the first place. Have you been to counseling? If not go. And know that even if there was a pill it would not fix the problem. It would only cover up the deeper issue and eventually you build up a tolerance and it no longer works. You became an addict for a reason one that likely has nothing to do with porn or sex. Find out what that reason is and you will be on a better path.
     
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