On the edge of the abbys

I almost relapsed today. And i hate to say it this way, because i am always like "what do you mean almost? Just admit it - you relapsed, no big deal. Just admit it and start again." Anyway here goes the story I want to share with you.

WARNING: I'll hide all the explicit and potentially triggering parts, but in this case your imagination can be far wilder than reality. If you feel dangerously triggered by some medical stuff, consider leaving this thread unreaded.

So the thing is i have a medical condition, which requires me to take procedure, that may be considered as relapse in my case.

Spoiler: Brief description of my medical treatment

The thing is I have to stretch my anal sphincter in order to avoid cracks and hemorrhoids. So i just have to stick some kind of medical butt plug there. Yeah thats it. I said your imagination can be wilder than this.

And as it may potentially triggers some of my old fetishes, I usually try to do it as quick and unenjoyable as possible.
But today I took a hot shower and I kinda enjoyed it. I wasn't had some dangerous thoughts I didn't touch myself or anything, but I somehow relax and enjoy it as if you scratch your back or massage aching muscle.
No P, no thoughts, no touching, not even remotely thinking about posibility of O, but in the end i did something i know i should avoid.

I leave this here as a warning for myself and i will really apreciate if you decide to share your thoughts and experiences.

Thanks