Ogling problems

Been there! Totally feel you.

 

Thinking that they are greater than you is still a form of objectification. In this case, rather than thinking of women as an object to be used for pleasure and nothing else (like the women in porn are to the porn addict’s mind), you’re treating them as some kind of idealised symbol of purity/perfection. It’s still a form of objectification because you’re simplifying them from a person into a 2-dimensional icon that represents all that is good and unattainable. I’m not trying to get at you; I totally get thinking that way (I did myself for a long time), but it’s important to realise that this is still a form of objectification. Women, even the most beautiful woman you’ll ever see, are still just people with all the faults, troubles, and issues that everyone has.

Also, empathy doesn’t require you to have experienced the same thing someone else is experiencing. That’s the whole point of empathy; the ability to understand and sympathise with someone else’s emotions even when you don’t feel that way yourself. Having been through a similar experience can help you relate, true, but you don’t need to have experienced the loss of a loved one to experience vicarious sadness for someone who has for example.

 

I can see what you are saying. The thing about empathy is you actually have the be able to put yourself in their shoes. So you can have understanding that someone tells you ogling scares them or is gross but if you have never been scared or disgusted by being ogled it can be difficult. This is compounded by the fact that most men think being ogled by women would be awesome! I assure you it would not be attractive women doing it. It’s your boss who is 30 years your senior. Your coworkers who because they look at you as an object don’t respect your work. I’m an attorney so it’s the Judge in your case or someone on the jury. Your customer or client.

Men do also tend to have a harder time with empathy because women usually experience more feelings and are better at identifying those feelings in themselves and others. Some men are the exceptions of course. And addicts have a double whammy because they have spent their lives trying to avoid feelings.

But every person has felt fear. Every person knows how it feels to be made to feel stupid or less than. When you think about ogling try to put yourself in touch with the last time you were really afraid and put that image in your mind and know there probably how she is feeling.

Even better I challenge all of the single dudes the next time you are going to ogle a woman instead walk to her and compliment her or say hello. If you can’t do that make direct eye contact with her and smile. When you make eye contact or speak it has a humanizing effect. She’s not just an object of fantasy now. Either you will meet a lot of women or stop ogling as you are too chicken to approach!

 

But we are your equal no more no less.

 

First step is wanting to stop, when I realized I was ready to give it up it started getting a bit easier, I gathered a lot of good info in the thread I linked you earlier.

Humanizing women should help you a lot, try to keep your eyes glued to their faces and at the same time think what lead them to be in that place, are they good people? are they not? why? it is not important who they're after all you're not supposed to care, what you need to do is understand that they're human beings, that makes it much easier(at least for me).

If you have some "problem" cases in your workplace, try to keep your eyesight up and when you know that problem is nearby, don't look at her if you don't have to, and you only have to if you have to talk to her.When you DO talk to her, just look at her face and focus on the conversation. When you know that person is nearby just do your best to keep your eyes to whatever you're supposed to be looking at, knowing that "there's trouble down below" is tempting but you will feel much better if you don

I feel that when I peripherally "detect" something, I MUST look, to confirm my suspicion, I recommend just telling yourself that you don't need to know, that helps me a lot, I'm not sure if you understood

 

I'll add on curiosity later on if I remember, since I think it plays a big part int this. Hope that helps !