Observations list

Today’s day 63. On this journey I have observed and fell many times, while learning from each fall.

When I did it, there were some times when I noticed I did not go into emotional down spiral until few days later, so I observed each fall and found that: using willpower, you are able to negate the effects of lack of chemicals in the brain which affects emotional displays and daily work efficiency. This proves that the people who say they aren’t affected by pmo are correct, since they use their mindset to generate emotions to power themselves through the day. On the other hand, you can perceive this effect as this: your fall does not set you back.

Since the effects only come when you live on autopilot, that means if you’re determined to hit the gym, to not let your negative emotions stop you from finishing that project or even invite your crush out, you can do it. It’s how we bring miracles to life and it’s how you can avoid beating yourself up and get the chaser effect.

There are some people who upon their fall beat themselves up for catching the bait. There are some who use pmo to avoid feeling negative emotions in daily life.
I would like to share two links which explains why you should not do that and how you can go about recovering:
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/emotional-pain-doesnt-go-away-numb/
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/leave-the-past-in-the-past-what-matters-most-is-who-you-are-now/

The act of pmo utilises chemicals within us to give us pleasure. This means that unlike alcoholism, drug abuse, what we have is lack of chemicals because well, we used them in the act. Severe lack if compulsive user. So unlike how tar from smokers stays in their lungs and has to be removed over time, we can give it time or consume foods which help to boost production of chemicals to rebalance ourselves. So from my limited chemistry knowledge, a lack of chemicals will cause the reverse reaction to occur such that there is chemical equilibrium. Physically the damage from lack of chemicals will be gone after some time and the body chemicals will be balanced given time.

What is the perceivable impact of pmo is lack of physical strength, desire to work hard daily, social awkwardness. These can be addressed by ways we know best: workout, build small habits to build willpower, learn interpersonal skills.
This link discusses how to start small:
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/simple-mini-habits-can-change-life/

However to cure any illness one must start from the source. You need to know why you do it in the first place. For many who had emotionally hard times, pmo was a quick drug(along with some other addictions picked up along the way) to immediate gratification and happiness, and end result being hooked in the cycle of pain and pleasure. For others, they didn’t have any pain to start this addiction; they found it pleasurable and continued to use it. It can be summarised by how we are motivated to act: we act either to stop hurting or we act to feel more good. In this case you need to know yourself. Sit down because no real progress occurs without understanding yourself and the tools you own. Be aware of your triggers, emotions to situations, hidden desires to run from a bad situation etc.

Addictions have chemical impact, physical and psychological impact. But we did the action for a reason. Finding it will help you to let go of using pmo. It’s ok if you fall; no baby walks after birth. We need to get use to acting more of normal living and act less in the way of pmo to rewire the brain.

There are many who have a fixed mindset, like “I’m never gonna recover” or “I’ll always be addicted”. Don’t live your life fearing what is unknown, only by making the unknown known can you live a balanced life. Here’s a link on challenging perceptions: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/create-new-opportunities-challenging-judgments-reactions/

I hope this helps you to understand why you’re giving up pmo. Recovery may mean something else for you, but for any sick person, it means curing the illness and rehabilitating the body to go back to daily life.

If you want to be cured, do it as if you don’t have much time. It’s is by exhausting all alternatives that we go beyond our limits.

Carry on, and stay strong